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Chime in Ladies- I want your opinion
Old 06-26-2012, 09:09 AM
 
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There's a big reason why I love my profession. Given that I'm a male in a female-dominated profession (at least at the elementary level), it gives me the opportunity to get insights into my personal relationships. In other words, it's not like I'm going to ask my drinking buddies some of the things I ask my coworkers when it comes to living peacefully with my wife and daughter. So, with that in mind, please feel free to comment on the latest bad subject in my household.

Okay, here's the deal- The teenage daughter is 15, soon to be 16. From the earliest sign of her interest in boys, we let her know that she absolutely wouldn't be "car dating" until she hits sweet sixteen. Of course, we've dealt with issues in that gray area like meeting groups of others at the mall (boys and girls) by keeping things under our control.

My wife has always maintained a rule of 2 years with our daughter, meaning that she is not allowed to "go with" (i.e. act like they are dating, ha, ha) any boy more than two years older than her. I'll admit, this was a good plan when she was a sixth grader, but I knew this rule would come back and bite us in the a$$ a year later. That's another story entirely.

So, here we are at the end of my daughter's freshman year, and she is "dating" (again, pretending to, ha, ha) a very nice young man who just finished his junior year. First off, let me say that I like this kid a lot. He's clean cut, polite and I scare the hell of him. Their relationship consists of him coming over to our house (only when me or the wife are home too), or to places that my wife or I can drop off and pick the daughter up from. This is how it went when he asked her to prom last month. My wife and I took her to his house to meet his folks. We then took her to a park for pictures, then to dinner (we ate fast food in the car while they were in the restaurant), then to drop off and pick up at the prom site.

This week, the boy is complaining that he doesn't have gas money and therefore, can not come by our house (he lives in a suburb about 5 miles away). My wife and daughter ask me if I would consider picking him up and taking him back home, or if I would take the daughter to his house with his parents supervision. I said, "No." which left me being the bad guy. Neither one of the beloved ladies in my life bothered to stop and listen to my reasoning. They both just think I'm a jerk. So, since I haven't been able to explain myself to them, I will to the ladies of this forum and you can tell me if you understand where I'm coming from. Here goes-

I said no for three simple reasons. I'm listing them in order of importance to me from least to greatest.

1. Call me old-school, but in my neck of the woods, girls didn't come to boys' houses unless it was a special dinner that the boys' folks wanted them invited to. I never expected girls to come to my house to "hang out" (my daughter's words).

2. I'm very sorry that the boy doesn't have gas money, but, if he's interested in seeing my daughter, and he is the respectful, responsible young man I think he is, he'll find a way to see her that doesn't include me. I'm not dating him, my daughter is.

3. The most important point and the one my wife and daughter can't seem to understand.....

I totally understand the feeling of wanting to see a person so bad that it hurts. I've done it all of my life. I remember the feelings of sadness I felt when my girlfriend couldn't see me because she was going to grandma's, cleaning the garage or on vacation. Yes, it sucked. I know the feeling of losing a spouse and the grief you go through. Now, with my current wife, I deal with missing her when she has to go away on business for 1-2 weeks at a time. Would I take that pain away if I could? NO. We all need our pain. It's what makes us who we are, and it prepares us to handle the pain we will surely see as life goes on.

So, I don't want to take away that pain of not being able to see her boyfriend. She needs that pain. She needs it to see that she can function without the constant attention of a boy. She needs it to form trust for others. She needs it to see that even though she may not want to, she can deal with emotional pain whether it be small or large. This is the major point I can't get across to them.


As I told my wife, I may be right, I may be wrong, but it's still how I feel and I'm sticking to it. It's now day three of "The boy's outta gas" week and I needed to be heard. If you stuck with this novel of a thread this long, thanks for listening.


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Old 06-26-2012, 09:29 AM
 
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I think you are completely correct on all three points.

If, however, you feel the need to compromise, let him come mow your yard for gas money!
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Old 06-26-2012, 09:36 AM
 
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I wouldn't be his free taxi. Special family events (get togethers), I would invite him myself (reason, I like the kid) and I'd make sure he got to my house and back - but for everyday just hanging out with my daughter - nope.

For me to be inconvienced, that would require setting up "play dates" ahead of time - and I'd be willing to provide transportation. . . but I'm sure your daughter will frown about setting up "play dates" because you think of "play dates" with very young children.

He is junior. He has a CAR! Then he has responsible with having a CAR. And one of them is filling it with gas. Does he have a job? I just wonder where his parents stand on this issue?? And what would they think if they heard he was complaining to you and your family that he was out of gas money - ? ?

I'm an overweight old lady who walks 3 miles a day for exercise. I lack the motivation to go four miles! He is a young man with only 5 miles between seeing a wonderful young lady . . . I'll let him be a little more resourceful in his efforts. Lets check out how great his motivation is.
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I agree to a point
Old 06-26-2012, 10:03 AM
 
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I agree with the need to be away from one another 100%. I think my son sees way too much of his girlfriend because they live so close to one another. Thank goodness he is off to college in August. I "dated" my now husband for 4 years living five hours apart. It made us so much closer because we really valued the small amounts of time we had together. So with that point I agree. Stick to your guns on this one.

Now on the point of finding a way to make it work just because he is a guy, I disagree. Having a son, I can honestly tell you I am quite tired of paying for all of the dates just because he was born a male. I would not let him have a job in high school, so therefore all money spent came from me. Maybe you could arrange for him to come and help you with some manual labor and then after he could visit with your daughter. That way you could get some work out of the boy and have some guy time to chat with him.

Depending on where he lives and the various roads he would have to use, I like the idea of him walking or riding his bike. I would never suggest it for my so due to the dangerous roads he would have to take. Good luck, you are not totally in the wrong on this issue.
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:06 AM
 
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Do you have a son? How would you feel if your son always went to the girlfriends house? You seem to like knowing what is going on with your daughter and her boyfriend but feel it is okay for the boys parents to have little opportunity to get to know their son's girlfriend. I think you are being unfair expecting him to always come to your house. I would not be happy if my son did not bring his girlfriend to our house. In fact I expect a similar amount of time spent at both places. Otherwise I agree with you.


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Old 06-26-2012, 10:43 AM
 
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My daughters are 11 and 9, and I'm dreading the dating that hasn't even happened yet. Oh, boy. I applaud you for your high involvement and what reads like excellent communication skills. Like an earlier poster, I agree on all counts except not allowing her to "hang out" at the boyfriend's house. I'm sure his family would like the pair to spend some time with them as well. I did hang out at my then-boyfriend/now-husband's house when we were in high school. His parents were always home and we stayed in the main living areas.

I do very much agree that the feeling of pining for someone is beneficial as is spending time apart. I also remember how strong those feelings are as a teenager...
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:57 AM
 
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Speced9, I agree with you on all points. I would definitely not allow my 15 or 16 year old daughter to visit her boyfriend at his house with or without his parents there. He would have to visit my daughter at our house.
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Old 06-26-2012, 11:02 AM
 
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That is really thoughtfully and I agree you are correct. And to add one more point perhaps if boy needed money so much he might consider having a job to ensure this would never happen again.(perhaps his parents don't want him to work?)

Stand your ground. To make it easier could there be a family activity you could all do to distract and entertain?
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I agree with you.
Old 06-26-2012, 11:34 AM
 
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1. I would not like for my daughter to visit her boyfriend's house, even with parents there. Many parents allow their kids to entertain in their bedrooms, and that's not all right with me. If they are at my house, I know what they are doing.

2. I agree about him finding a way to get there if he wants it bad enough. When my DH and I were dating, I remember a time when it snowed quite a bit, and his parents wouldn't let him drive to my house. He walked in the snow to see me. It wasn't 5 miles though--more like 3. But still....

3. If his parents want to have them hang out at their house sometime, they need to share in the transportation, and they need to get with you to establish guidelines for those visits.

I know, I sound mean too. But I raised 2 teenage boys who each had a steady girlfriend all the way through HS, and I didn't end up with a grandchild until my youngest was 25. That's the goal, right?
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Old 06-26-2012, 11:35 AM
 
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I think she needs to be able to visit his family, but otherwise I agree with you. If you trust his parents, then having them rotate whose house they are at should be a reasonable compromise. They deserve to get to know her as much as you get to know him. But I agree they should have time apart and with all your other points.


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Old 06-26-2012, 11:42 AM
 
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Why do some of you feel that a boy should not go to the girls house with the parents there? This is so unfair and closed-minded. The boy's parents have a right to know who the girl is. I have two sons and would not appreciate them always hanging at the girl's house. I have a right to know what kind of girl he is "dating." Girls can be MORE forward and worrisome than boys is my opinion. I have witnessed many a little teeny bopper acting in seriously inappropriate ways..It's not always the boy. If the parents are home, it would be fine.

In fact, if I were the boy's parents I would suggest he stop dating her if this was the case--because I wouldn't even get a chance to know her. I would not want my sons dating a girl that won't come to our house and the parents won't even let her..I would have serious words with HER parents.
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Old 06-26-2012, 12:12 PM
 
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I agree with all of the above and would like to add something. I might have missed something but where are his parents? If he wants to see her so badly, why can't he ask his parents to either: 1) drive him to your house or 2) ask if your daughter can "hang out" at his house?

This feels very one-sided to me.
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Old 06-26-2012, 12:15 PM
 
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Wow. I am amazed at the number of people who would not let their daughter go to a boyfriend's home without justification. How is this not completely sexist?

My son would NOT be allowed to date a girl who was not able to spend time at my home. I expect something close to equal time. As a parent of a son, I would wonder what kind of girl you raised if you can't even allow her to come to my home. Now understand that I agree with much of what you are saying about teens and dating but I can supervise as well as you can.

I suspect many of you only have daughters! It may come as a surprise to you but there are lots of girls with questionable behavior and little supervision.
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Old 06-26-2012, 12:15 PM
 
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I agree on all points.

He does need to make his own way as a man! IMO Too many guys have been enabled by women just trying to help them out. This is an excellent way to help him develop as a man! If he really wants to be with your daughter, he'll find a way to make some money on his own.

...and yes, your daughter should feel this pain and work through it. This is part of her development as a woman.

Go ahead and be the bad guy. This isn't old fashioned, it's being a parent. Good job dad!
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I have 2 sons
Old 06-26-2012, 12:51 PM
 
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My house is the place where my sons hang out the most with their girlfriends, and I couldn't be happier. They are supervised, and my 17 yo son's 16 yo gf has never seen his room, never mind hung out in it. They usually go for walks, or the movies, and end up here to "hang out" in our family room. I went over the rules with him- lights on, sit up, hands to yourself, and use a placemat and coasters for food. I would be hurt/ticked/insulted if she was not allowed to spend time at our house. I think that is unreasonable of you.

My son pays for his own gas, and it's expensive. If he needed a ride because he was out of gas money, I would take him, but not every day. He wanted to ride his bike the 5 miles to her house, but I'm not comfortable with the traffic on the road he would be taking. He does odd jobs to earn money (we didn't allow him to get a parttime job because we wanted him to focus on his studies, and be able to be on track, in band, and earn his Eagle Scout award.) Sometimes her mom does drop her off, and waits to make sure we're home. (We are- that's a must.)

I think keeping them apart will romanticize their relationship and not weaken it.
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Old 06-26-2012, 01:29 PM
 
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I too have 2 sons, ages 17 and 16. My 16 year old has had the same girlfriend for a year. the kids spend equal amount of time at each others house. As the other poster said, we went over the rules when he began to date. the main one is that they may not go to each others houses if the parents are not home. My husband and I are friendly with the girls parents and have openly talked about the situation. I think communication on all parts is important. I love having his girlfriend over, It's one more girl in the house for a little while. She is supper sweet and I am so glad I have been able to spend time with her. Before my son could drive I was usually the chaperon and chauffeur. Do they have to be together all the time NO. But not allowing her to go to his house is silly. How would you like it if your wife was not allowed to meet or spend time with your family ?
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Completely Agree
Old 06-26-2012, 02:32 PM
 
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I completely agree with you. I wish my dad had the same rules you do when I was younger. It would have stopped me from making some decisions I thought I was old enough to make but now throughout regret. A guy should be paying for things...if he doesnt have the way to make money for a date, his parents shouldn't be paying and he shouldn't be dating. I would have thought my dad was a jerk when I was younger too, but now that I am older I would understand. Your daughter will understand someday too. Parents aren't supposed to be popular, they are supposed to be parents. It's okay to be the bad guy. At least one of you is.
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Old 06-26-2012, 03:07 PM
 
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I also agree with you except for the part about visiting the boyfriend's house. Maybe his parents have said something about always having to be at your house.

I guess I'd find a way. Perhaps talk to both of them about how to solve the problem. They might have good ideas. Perhaps listen to your wife and daughter. They might have good ideas also.
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From the mom of a son
Old 06-26-2012, 03:15 PM
 
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My son is dating a girl who is 17, he is 19. They are not allowed to be alone together at all.They understand why and abide by the rules. They can go in groups to the movies or the pool. She comes to our house, he goes to her house. None of the parents sit and look at them 100% of the time but there is always a chance a parent will walk through the room at any given moment. I would feel terrible if she was never allowed to come to our home.
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Dad
Old 06-26-2012, 03:20 PM
 
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You sound like a wonderfully caring and exceptional father. Stay strong. I agree with you 100%.
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give a bit more...
Old 06-26-2012, 04:02 PM
 
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You sound like a wonderful parent. If more parents had your structure and common sense, the world would be a better place for kids to grow up in. With that being said, you could probably give a bit more...in the way of offering your daughter a little more freedom. I think the fact that this kid had his prom dinner while his date's parents sat outside and waited...says this kid is a pretty straight shooter. I would offer her a little more trust, especially if she has been trustworthy. Just a thought, but again, you have to do what feels right for you.
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Old 06-26-2012, 04:11 PM
 
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I think your rules are fine. You should not be expected to taxi this kid around. 5 miles- can't he bike over?

I do think the others have a point about considering letting the girl spend some time at the boy's house. I agree with this ONLY IF you have spoken with the parents to find out their household rules about girlfriends in the house and make sure they are acceptable to you.

If their rules are not acceptable to you or there is some reason that you don't trust them, I think you are totally right in not allowing it.
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Old 06-26-2012, 04:37 PM
 
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I was one who said I would not like for my daughter to go to her boyfriend's house, but I also said that if they invited her, it would be okay if there were definite ground rules. I have seen too many parents around here who say they supervise when they don't. Just because the parents are home doesn't mean there is adequate supervision. I'm just saying that there would have to be definite guidelines in place if that were to happen.
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Old 06-26-2012, 04:43 PM
 
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In hindsight, I was to lenient with my daughter and her boyfriend. It led to skipping school, and "other things" without my knowledge when she was your daughter's age. What a big mess that was. In hindsight, I'm sure she regrets it too. STICK TO YOUR GUNS...if I could do it over again, I certainly would.
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Stick to your guns
Old 06-26-2012, 04:49 PM
 
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I definitely agree with your reasons especially # 2. Why doesn't this young man have a job? If he is a junior in school shouldn't he have money for his own car? If you give him gas money now, then you must know that when this situation happens in the future that they will turn to you again for MORE gas money.

Also, I'm sure that you have let your family know in a loving way that you are not going to change your mind. Unfortunately, if you let your wife and daughter wear you down this time then every time something comes up they are going to "double team" sort of speak. I'm sure with time they will come to understand that you mean well and want what is best for the family.

I wish you well. My hubby and I just finished raising our teenager and now she is 21!
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Communication
Old 06-26-2012, 06:04 PM
 
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After reading your post, I was curious if you had the opportunity to talk with his parents. I can understand the hesitation of letting your daughter spend time over at the BF's house. However, perhaps you can invite them over for dinner and talk about your concerns. This way, they know your expectations, and they are aware of what happens at your house. I do think it is important that your DD be able to spend time with his parents. (Plus, if you become friends with his dad, then you can spend time over there when she is ). Either way, best of luck!
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Excellent job, dad!!!!
Old 06-26-2012, 07:02 PM
 
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I think you made very good sense. I, too, am old school about girls visiting boys, but some posters made a valid point about the boy's parents spending time with your daughter. I may waffle on that one, now... But what it boils down to is how YOU view it, not anyone else, and you are certainly entitled to feel the way you feel, just like you said.

I also agree that the gas money thing is odd. He should find a way to come see her if it means so much to him, WITHOUT INVOLVING YOU! That problem belongs to him!!!!

I never thought of it until you said it about the 'pain of separation' helps us trust, and deal with emotional pain. I think you have thought this through very well and that's amazing in these days and times.

Best of luck to you all!
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Old 06-26-2012, 07:08 PM
 
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Reason # 2 s the only reason you need, although you are absolutely right on # 3.
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dating
Old 06-26-2012, 07:41 PM
 
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Oh how I dread dating....

I agree with all of your rules, and they certainly sound fair to me. I think for me whether or not I allow my daughter to spend time at her boyfriend's house depends on the circumstances/parents. I would want to know his parents and trust that they would supervise before I allowed her to hangout at her boyfriend's house. However, I'll feel the same way about my son. I won't want him hanging out at his girlfriend's house unless I trust that her parents will supervise either.
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Old 06-26-2012, 07:53 PM
 
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It's easy enough for me to say this since my daughter is 10 and I haven't walked in your shoes yet. I'm channeling my teenaged self to answer. I think it's okay for her to go to his house as long as his parents are home, too.

My other thought is that perhaps he's "letting her down gently" with the no gas money line. I got the impression that maybe he was trying to break up with her. If that's not the case, 5 miles isn't really that far to bike!
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Old 06-26-2012, 09:04 PM
 
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Haven't read the other replies.

So, here's my unbiased opinion. BTW, I just love it when someone asks for my opinion. Woo hoo!

1. Eh, I'm a little middle of the road on this one. I hear you on this one, but I think from time to time, as the two get older, this may change.

2. I'm not dating him, my daughter is.
Absolutely right on with this one.


3. I can't see DD at her tender age understanding this point very well, but I am a little surprised that DW isn't getting it.


I do have to wonder why the 5 miles and gas money is such a problem.
Geesh, he could walk that far...if he really wanted to.
Is it unrealistic to think he could - gasp - get a job?
Why would you be the parent to help out? What's wrong with is parents helping this guy out?
Has this kid asked you to play Taxi and if not, why not?
Since, in my mind, his getting over to your house shouldn't be such a huge problem, does he really want to get over to your house? Is the gas problem his way of trying to take a break in the relationship?
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Old 06-27-2012, 12:14 AM
 
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I have seen too many parents around here who say they supervise when they don't. Just because the parents are home doesn't mean there is adequate supervision.
I agree- I let my 15 year old dd go to her boyfriends house for dinner. We had met the parents, explained that she was NOT to be in his room, they agreed to our rules and to supervise them..........let's just say thank God we are not grandparents and the next time she goes over to a boys house will not be while she is living at home.
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Old 06-27-2012, 02:58 AM
 
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Speced9,
You are an awesome father. Hold tight.
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Old 06-27-2012, 03:07 AM
 
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Hideeho suggested what immediately popped into my mind - the gas problem may just be an excuse he is giving to your daughter. A two year difference in age can mean a huge disparity in maturity level during the high school years. I think it is a great thing that you and your wife have chosen to take a very involved role in your daughter's dating, and is completely appropriate for her age and maturity level. However, her boyfriend will be a senior in high school next year, and it is possible that he has reached a more independent stage than your daughter, expecting to be permitted to do things such as driving himself and his girlfriend out to dinner in his own car. It may take a special young man with strength of character who is more serious in his intentions toward your daughter to be comfortable with her parents sitting in the car eating fast food outside of the restaurant where they are having dinner. This young man might not be the one, and this kind of excuse making could simply indicate that he lacks the maturity to be able to tell your daughter directly.
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Old 06-27-2012, 05:13 AM
 
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Yep, I thought the same thing about the gas money being an excuse not to come over. I had that one pulled on me and, then, lo and behold, the guy breaks up w/me.

Stand firm, Dad. You can always loosen up but you can't always tighten down.
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Thanks
Old 06-27-2012, 11:25 AM
 
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for the input ladies. They still don't get it. Unfortunately, I think my wife is trying to protect the young one too much at times. Your input made a change in my life. They may think I'm being a close-minded jerk, but I don't feel like one anymore.
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You are right!
Old 06-27-2012, 12:09 PM
 
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And if your daughter still wants to whine about it, tell her it could be worse: you could not allow her to date at all. I didn't let my daughter date until she was 16. And for sure my husband would NEVER have taxied a boyfriend of hers back and forth. This 'no gas money' kid needs to get it together.

Last edited by Mercury; 06-27-2012 at 06:37 PM..
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Old 06-27-2012, 06:41 PM
 
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I used to hang out at guy's houses about as often as they came to mine . . . and I'm old and had old-school parents.
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A mom of sons
Old 06-30-2012, 11:28 PM
 
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I agree with all except the one about not letting your daughter spend time at boy's house. I am a mom of two sons {ages 29 and 24}. Our sons' girlfriends came to our house a lot. They never hung out in their rooms though. They also spent day trips {beach, picnics, etc.}with us. Those are memories that my hubby and I hold dear to our hearts because we got to know the girls and loved them. We always got to know the girls' parents, as well. We surely didn't want our boys over the girls houses if parents weren't supervising...it goes both ways! I can understand your concern, but it really isn't fair to the boy and his parents. Don't be scared to talk to the boy's parents and get to know them. We made it through it all, and we didn't have any grandbabies...we do now though but just from the one that is married! And I agree with some of the others...this may just be the boy's excuse because he wants to back away for this relationship. In that case, you don't have to worry about it!
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Old 06-30-2012, 11:32 PM
 
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I totally agree with you Akee! I am a mom to two boys {now grown}...I posted my thoughts on this post...and it is very similar to yours!!!
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Old 06-30-2012, 11:38 PM
 
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I think you got viewpoints from a lot that have girls. As a mom to two boys, I would not want my son to "date" your daughter if this was how it was. What makes you a better parent than me at supervising kids? Why don't I have the right to get to know the person my child is "dating"? Totally unfair from where I'm sitting! I treasure the time that I got to spend with my boys during their dating years, and the wonderful girls that they dated, as well. I'm so glad that they didn't have parents that would make me miss out on that!
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be careful
Old 07-01-2012, 06:56 AM
 
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You are being a caring and responsible parent but be careful. This may bite you in the butt if you don't bend just a little. I have both a son and a daughter so I have a little insight into both sides. It's not fair for you not to allow her to go to his house. As a parent, I have the right to get to know your daughter, if she is dating MY son. It's for the same reasons that you feel about your daughter. How do I know what type of girl she is if you don't allow me the time to get to know her? I've met all kinds of teenage girls between my DD's friends and DS's girlfriends. Teenage girls can be quite troublesome, more than boys in my opinion.

If you talk with the boy's parents and relay your thoughts and feelings about supervision, it shouldn't be a problem. You have to let your daughter know that you trust her to make sound decisions. Explain the consequences if she doesn't... keep the communication lines open but trust her until she proves otherwise. Give the boy's parents some consideration as well. If he's a polite, kind and all around good kid (like you said), then they've done something right in raising him. Right?

You sound like a wonderful and caring dad. However, I'm afraid if you make it harder for them to see each other, they will find a way. Don't be naive about that. You need to bend just a little without compromising your morals but you need to see ALL sides... not just yours.
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Suggestion
Old 07-01-2012, 04:39 PM
 
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If you feel uncomfortable about your daughter going to her bf house, I would suggest you have family dates. Maybe one day your family go over his house for dinner and vise versa. Or the two families could go bowling or to the beach or something together. That way both families can get to know the children and each other. Good luck to you
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Old 07-01-2012, 10:16 PM
 
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As a mom of 2 boys...I agree with you. Yes, my sons gf did need to come over so we can get to know each other. As soon as things began to get more serious we were meeting her parents and having those serious conversations. Although I know what goes on in my house, I do not know what goes on anywhere else...and it is my job to be the parent.
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Old 07-03-2012, 12:58 AM
 
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Quote:
Wow. I am amazed at the number of people who would not let their daughter go to a boyfriend's home without justification. How is this not completely sexist?
*nods head in agreement*


Quote:
He does need to make his own way as a man!
Since when is being 16/17 years old = being a man?

Also let's be honest here the economy in the USA is rubbish. It's not like the kid is a shmuck and lazy.

*reads title* *realizes OP wanted a female opinion* *regrets clicking on link from main page* *hangs head in shame* *shuffles off*
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Old 07-03-2012, 05:14 AM
 
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I love the descriptive analysis of your actions! It always cracks me up.

The "hangs head in shame" and "shuffles off" got me laughing the most!
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Bravo!!
Old 07-06-2012, 06:19 AM
 
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I think you are absolutely correct. There are ways that he could get the cash needed--odd jobs, mowing lawns, etc. Why does he have a car if he can't afford the gas? How about walking or biking--if roads aren't dangerous? Why can't his parents provide some transportation? I hope your wife and daughter will be able to see your viewpoint on the issue soon.
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Old 07-06-2012, 06:40 AM
 
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I agree with you from the perspective that you are protecting your DD from "things" happening that you don't want to happen yet. That's all well and good, but have you ever heard the saying, "they will find a way to do what they want no matter what you tell them". If you DD and this young man are going to "date" there has to be some trust. I'm not saying let them go crazy, but you know they will find a way to be together if you try keep them apart. Then the lies start and the scheming to figure out how to get together. Been there done that as a teen!

As the parent of a boy and a girl, both beyond their teen years, I wanted boys and girls brought to my house. Yes, as the mother of the guy I wanted to get to know the girl too.

With all that being said---why is the boy not riding a bike to your house? I had a HS BF who lived a couple of towns away, about 15 miles, and he biked to my house regularly. I was a year older and had a car, but he still biked to my house!
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Suspicious of daughter's boyfriend...
Old 07-06-2012, 03:47 PM
 
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I'm looking for a story involving a parent who is suspicious about their daughter's boyfriend. You don't have to hate him.. he doesn't have to be a bad guy, just that you are a parent and unsure about him and his intentions. Does this sound like a situation you are in?
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Old 07-09-2012, 01:47 PM
 
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I agree with you on all three counts. I'm a mom of four adult children, and would have said the same thing to my daughter.
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keep her close
Old 07-14-2012, 12:17 AM
 
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I was a "clean", naive, innocent girl. I had low self esteem and my parents didn't share info. about dating. When I was 15, my parents allowed me to date this boy. They allowed me to visit his house with his parents there. That didn't matter because things happened anyway that I regret. I wish my parents would have kept the reins tightened a while longer. Also, if u haven't yet, talk to your DD about dating, boys, hormones, how to get out if sticky situations. At least she'll be informed and prepared for dating. Good luck.
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Old 07-18-2012, 05:52 AM
 
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You must be a good father to put so much thought in to this! In high school I spent equal time with my bf between our houses, I loved his family and they loved me - because they knew me. I do think it is perfectly reasonable for your daughter to go to her bf's house to "hang out" as I'm sure his parents are just as invested in their son and who he spends his time with as you are with your daughter (especially if he is the upstanding young man you've described - people don't just pop out like that!) The part about your daughter needing to "feel pain" I completely disagree with. She will get PLENTY of pain in the real world, none of it should come from her father!!
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Old 07-18-2012, 07:59 AM
 
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I only have boys. When my oldest started dating in high school-I wanted them to spend time at my house too. I needed to feel comfortable with the type of girl my son was dating. Before he was able to spend time at her house I went in to meet the parents to make sure we were all on the same page. One time when she was grounded she missed him soooo much she walked alone at night 5 miles to see my son-needlees to say she received a lecture from both ends that night! The pain of missing each other was too much to bear!! AHH young love! The key here is for both families to communicate!
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I like...
Old 07-21-2012, 09:24 AM
 
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old school! I am only 29. I agree with everything you have said. I really think that you should print off your post (maybe just the red section) and let your wife and daughter read it.
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