Am I the only one who doesn’t always agree with this? I have many very challenging children this year, who have well rounded and attentive parents. We seem to always blame the home life for a child’s behavior. I just don’t agree that misbehavior is always the fault of the parent.
Some kids are just challenging. I have one of my own. We had another parent flat out tell us we were bad parents because of our son's behavior. Though we have 3 other kids who are quite well behaved.
Home life CAN be a factor, but there are other factors to consider, too, including the child's temperment.
Home life CAN be a factor, but there are other factors to consider, too, including the child's temperment.
Exactly!
My friend has a set of fraternal twins. - Same parents, same time in their lives, same everything...as different as night and day in which challenging behaviors each of them exhibit.
However, I think that misbehavior can be enabled and enhanced by bad parenting.
On the flip side, I get frustrated when parents think that having a 504 or IEP is magic fairy dust and will "fix" their child. Nope...still need to parent even more.
I don't think most teachers think that. My mom used to say, "some kids are just hardwired differently" . If parents are on top of it and the behavior is still severe I would think that would point to an emotional disability. However, I do think there are certainly a lot of parent created behaviors out there as well- entitled spoiled attitudes, just giving the kid whatever they want so they'll stop crying/screaming, etc. and that certainly makes our jobs a lot harder as well.
I think sometimes bad behavior IS the result of bad parenting, and in other cases, it isn't.
I think really bad behavior (the kind we see only once in a while) very often has a component of dysfunctional home life, dysfunctional parenting, or trauma. Not always, but very very often.
I think "run of the mill" bad behavior (the kind we see every year in the classroom) is often just the kid being a difficult kid.
There are so many factors that go into behavior problems. ADHD, ADD, bi-polar disorder, ODD, etc, etc, etc. A lot of these factors are caused more by the things we poison our children with in our processed foods. There are also factors like grandparents with dimentia or alzheimers living in the home. That can make kids feel stressed and act out. There are so many factors. A lot of behavior problems are caused by bad parenting, but we shouldn't judge until we've walked a mile in that parents' shoes.
If only that were true. Then I would have the best behaved child on the planet
I have felt blamed for my child's\] behavior repeatedly. It has been subtly, passive aggressively, inferred several times. I have been told this to my face a couple of times.
Its just not always the case. My son has a mental illness. In fact he has several. He also has more than one neurological disorder. Those things weren't caused by me or any lack of follow through at home. In fact I am usually harder on him than anyone-I push him because I am prepared to deal with the fall out for his own personal growth. Behavior is my strongest point as a teacher because parenting my child made me grow and learn in that arena continuously for nearly 17 years now.
That being said I have had several parents over the years who had the game changing hand in their deck and they blew it. I have listened to a kid with ODD tell me that they spent the first 2 hours of their morning watching their dad shoot people on his video games while he shouted cuss words at them and threatened them, before he drove them to school and smoked in the car with them (illegal in my state but he didn't care enough to be a good role model) and dropped them off too late to get their free breakfast (which they shouldn't really be getting since he lies about his income to get it and lives in a big house and drives a new Land Rover). In that case it was the parent fault. In other cases its not. You have to actually know a family to have any idea how their parenting and home life effect their children.
I have also seen parents who sucked have great children with no problems at al. It was in spite of them not because of them that their kids had no problems-that was just their lucky roll of the dice.
Kids AND parents a re like a box of chocolates - you never know what you are gonna get.
I completely agree! I have a student that is so difficult. His grandparents are raising him. They are great grandparents. He has ADHD and is on the spectrum. He tries very hard and has improved by leaps and bonds since the beginning of the year. He and I are good together, he trusts and respects me, but new classes and teachers he is not used too set him off. It is just him and his disabilities.
Well I believe teachers are first of all weary of taking the blame for every problem in society. That has to stop.
The days of "let's do another pd of the band wagon we tried ten years ago" is over. Schools must stop justifying useless and expensive pd on the idea that poor behavior or lack of student progress is solely the teachers' fault.
When a teacher first begins typically they think they know all the answers and willingly take the blame for everything that goes on. No responsibility is ever given to the kid or the parent. Not every teacher does this but many do . In a few years these teachers sometimes wise up and discover just how many minutes they have with the kid vs. how many minutes the primary care giver has. Combine that with other factors such as student mental and physical capabilities and you have a very complicated three ring circus.
Good replies. Anna you pointed out that teachers are often blamed for student behavior. I completely agree...that is totally absurd as well!! Another PP mentioned a kid whose parent played video games all morning and smoked pot. To me, that is a perfect example of how a parent’s poor decisions negatively affect the kid’s behavior. FOR SURE!!
Also, I think a HUGE contributor to a kid’s behavior is their overall temperament. We can’t really blame anyone for that. It’s just who the kid is.
I may be in the minority here, but I'd say the majority of maladaptive behaviors kids demonstrate are due to their parents and home life. ( Disclaimer: Some kids may have brain injuries or serious birth defects. These issues are different. Some parents are "too attentive" listening and catering to their child's every whim.
Some of these kids feel like the center of the universe and the parents contribute to it by buying their kids whatever they want, letting them do what they want, and blaming everyone else for their kids' problems.
Other parents are inconsistent and preoccupied. I do not see this anymore, but some may be too authoritarian.
Nowadays, I feel like schools contribute to it also. Everyone wins and there are no consistent consequences for bad behavior. It used to be if parents did not teach the kids to behave, schools tried. In a lot of places, teachers hands have been tied. The losers are the kids and next generation of elderly.
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12-13-2019, 11:31 AM
. If parents are on top of it and the behavior is still severe I would think that would point to an emotional disability. However, I do think there are certainly a lot of parent created behaviors out there as well- entitled spoiled attitudes, just giving the kid whatever they want so they'll stop crying/screaming, etc. and that certainly makes our jobs a lot harder as well.
