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Aimhigher Aimhigher is offline
 
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Anxious Grief and Formal Advice Please
Old 12-07-2019, 04:53 PM
 
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My formal always gives me anxiety. Honestly, this should be the year I care less. With a recent summer tragedy I am a mess. I lost my daughter in a car wreck. I do my job still. On the weekends, I get severely depressed because I have time to think. I am still in denial to an extent, but it is starting to hit pretty hard. Any added stressors make it harder to function. I am having so much anxiety about this I am thinking about taking off the week of my formal. I am sure this would just mean I have to do it when I return. I know it might be silly and irrational, but it is really stressing me out to the point of just using my days and avoiding it. Any advice would be appreciated.


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I'm so sorry
Old 12-07-2019, 05:42 PM
 
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I can't fully comprehend the grief you must feel. I can appreciate how you dread this upcoming evaluation, but probably the anticipation will be worse than the actual event. I can see how it would be tempting to put it off, but wouldn't that give you more time to be anxious? Better to get it over with, I think. Then you can get one burden off of you.
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Old 12-07-2019, 05:42 PM
 
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I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I can't even imagine the pain you are in. This period of time between Thanksgiving and Christmas can be extremely difficult for anyone who has experienced a loss of a loved one. (((Hugs)))

I don't have any great advice. The grieving process takes time and is different for each person. The first year can be hard. (My husband passed away 6 years ago and holidays are still hard for me.)

Are you taking care of yourself-eating, getting sleep, exercising?

Have you been to see your doctor? You might want to talk with your doctor and share how you are feeling depressed. Your doctor might suggest a medication to help you through this difficult period.

Have you sought out any counseling? That might be helpful, too. You are in a lot of pain which is very understandable. Sometimes we keep ourselves busy so we don't have to think about it, but when we aren't busy, the hurt is there and hard to deal with.

Do you think it would help you to do something in your daughter's memory?

Do you have a close friend that you can talk with? I was very fortunate that my friends understood that I needed some time. I isolated myself initially, but told my friends to keep inviting me and that I would join in when I was ready. It took some time, but eventually I was able to enjoy things and not be overwhelmed with sadness.

Are there any grief support groups in your area that you could attend meetings or connect with someone?

Take it one day (or even one hour at first) at a time. I agree with PP. Don't avoid the formal. Otherwise, it is looming overhead. Get it over and done with.

Take care of yourself and God bless you.
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Old 12-07-2019, 06:33 PM
 
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Please accept my condolences on the loss of your beloved daughter.

I tend to agree with the others, don't avoid your formal it will only be hanging over your head when you return. Think of taking the day after off to relax.
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Old 12-07-2019, 07:22 PM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss. I don't have many suggestions, but hope your principal can work with you through this hard time.


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Old 12-07-2019, 07:30 PM
 
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Thank you for you condolences, it is a difficult time for sure. I did go to counseling, but it was with someone that didn't have children. She couldn't relate. I have not gone to group counseling. I don't think I am ready for that, but I know I have to take a step. I have been on depression meds since the accident. I have never been on meds prior, but it numbs me somewhat. I was very comfortable with my principal last year, and could have told her about my anxiety. However, this principal is new, and we do not have a relationship yet really. My old principal got a promotion, and she was the best.
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Thank you
Old 12-07-2019, 09:35 PM
 
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I typed a reply earlier, but for some reason it hasn't posted. To answer some of the questions...I have gone to counseling, and I got on depression meds immediately after the accident. This is my first time taking any depression medication. I was going to counseling, but the counselor didn't have kids and I didn't feel she related. I am not ready for group counseling.

I am always anxious about formals, but it is just much worse at this time. I guess I should be like some people that tell me they just shoot for a proficient score and they are fine. I get really anxious if I get proficient marks, and I was able to get distinguished at my old school. You would think that this tragedy would make me realize what truly is important, instead my anxiety has drastically increased.

I am not sure I am comfortable talking to the principal about this. I felt close to my principal last year, but she was promoted. The new principal and I have not built that relationship. She is a super funny lady, and really strict at the same time. I know some people from her old school absolutely love her, but I haven't really go to know her yet. I feel she is so busy learning her new role, so she doesn't have much time to build relationships. So, I just don't feel comfortable at this time talking to her.

Thank you so much for your condolences and your emotional support. It is greatly appreciated!
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Old 12-08-2019, 02:56 AM
 
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I extend my sincere condolences too. I cannot imagine for one bit what you're going through. And it seems like you are getting some help you need for emotional support. I'll bet the new P already knows of your tragedy.

For your eval, take it in stride. Even though it's nerve wracking for us, it is one piece of evidence that you're teaching what you need to, etc. Sounds like you are experienced, so pick your best successful lesson from the past and go for it!
All the best to you and I'll send good vibes your way!
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Old 12-08-2019, 08:58 AM
 
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Linda,
I am so very sorry about the loss of your daughter, and pray for you to gain strength every day.

I also get very, very severe anxiety when it comes to observations and can sympathize directly. Please go to your principal and take a friend if you need. I would ask for an extension which I am certain they can give us.

Even if this principal is new, she is human and I'll pray she has compassion for what you are dealing with. If you went on a medical leave, they would have to postpone your observation, things happen to people who have not even gone through your loss, and they are able to get postponements.

I am in my very last year (Thank goodness I am old only having 15 years in). Even though I am leaving I still have to have 2 in formals and one formal. I've told my principal how I feel and she understands. But I still have had to do my one informal, and just had my formal a couple weeks ago.

If I had known I'd have to have all these walk-throughs and evaluations, I never would have chosen this profession. Some people are born actors and love the stage...NOT me, just leave me alone to teach my students, and you will get better results than if other staff, and perfect strangers from up high in the district have to barge in the middle of my lessons to make sure I'm working.

Anyway, my story is not your story. You need time to heal, I am proud of you for going into work and doing a very difficult job while suffering in silence. I lost my husband when I was 39, and can imagine a loss...not of course a loss of your beautiful child.

We are here for you at PT. If you ever need, direct message any of us and we can try to be your shoulders to cry on. Please either take a friend and go talk to your principal; go yourself even if you sit there and have to pour your heart out; or write a letter asking for an extension until you are mentally able to handle the observation.

My prayers are with you.

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Old 12-08-2019, 10:43 AM
 
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I'm sending calm and peaceful thoughts your way.


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So Sorry
Old 12-08-2019, 03:18 PM
 
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I am so sorry about your daughter.
I also agree with Need My Job.
One of the things they are supposed to teach in Admin.school is that there are really good teachers who may have less than stellar years due to personal situations. I would discuss what happened with your principal, she will no doubt show you compassion, and may even tell you to just do your best on the formal, and call it a day. You need to get this over with, and the sooner the better. Anytime I am having personal situations, I make sure that my admin. is aware, even if a friend mentions it to him/her.
Back to your daughter, and I am so sorry.All counselors are not created equal. If you are not ready for group counseling, you may want to try a different counselor.
I will keep you in my prayers.
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Old 12-10-2019, 06:00 PM
 
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Thank you. I have my formal tomorrow. My classroom is spotless. I have a reflection questionnaire for the kids to start with and create goals on Google Classroom. I will have Class Dojo projected as the kids work so they can earn points. I have my laptop so I can type up conferencing notes. I have my guided reading books ready to go. I also integrated our Elf on the Shelf into our lesson. We are working on reading mysteries. I have a ton of anxiety, but I am going to get it over with.
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Old 12-10-2019, 08:07 PM
 
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Wow, you are ready! I hate being observed, and I get through it by “ignoring” the observer(s). You are going to do fantastic!!
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Old 12-11-2019, 08:19 AM
 
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This sounds like a positive step forward, and it should help having one less thing on your plate.

You're going to rock this!
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