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Itís a lonely time...
Old 09-28-2020, 02:17 AM
  #1

Does anyone else feel like the rest of the world has gotten back to socializing while youíre still being cautious? Iím sure a lot of it is that we are far from family and close friends, and we hadnít made close friends here yet before Covid hit.

At school we are in pods so we rarely see other teachers, although they are great people.

My sons are both far away, but we are planning a couple of visits later this year.

Guess Iím just feeling the effects of everything. I did delete my Facebook app from my iPad, so Iím thinking that will help.

Thanks for listening to my babble. Off to the trenches!


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Old 09-28-2020, 03:39 AM
  #2

Oh gosh yes! Weíre not even at school, weíre all virtual so Iím not even seeing colleagues or students in person. A colleague sweetly swung by with pumpkin bread and I was just so glad to see himó-itís been six months.
I look online and I saw other people living their lives as if nothing is going on. Theyíre going to school in person, their kids are playing sports ...I think Iíve seen one friend ear out in restaurants more often since the pandemic started than I did in all of 2019.
I miss normal. Safe normal.
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Old 09-28-2020, 03:45 AM
  #3

Yes, I am struggling with this. We were back in person, but basically I stayed in my own lane so to speak. I miss going to lunch with friends, out for a drink, etc. Now our school closed down so that little bit of interaction I had is over. I try to walk every day and watch useless tv ( no news) but it's tough to stay positive.

I have some friends that are going to restaurants, etc - but I haven't been able to bring myself to do that. We do take-out sometimes. Everyone is different I guess and I'm just more of a rule following cautious person.
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Old 09-28-2020, 04:13 AM
  #4

Yes!!!!!!!!! We've seen very few people, by my 81 yo mom is out having a damn grand time! Yup, I'm angry that she's being selectively cautious and here I am home with my DH!!! She claims to be being cautious, but I know what she's doing and I call BS!

Other family and friends are carrying on as is it's a regular day!
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Old 09-28-2020, 04:31 AM
  #5

Same here. Sometimes I want to throw caution to the wind, but I canít and wonít. It may be a long, lonely winter.


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In our area, we have gotten back to
Old 09-28-2020, 04:56 AM
  #6

socializing. There were citywide yardsales this weekend, which I participated in, and I even went out to dinner with my sweetie, my brother and his GF, and my nephew last night, first time since March.

However, I also had a long conversation with my son in SoCal, who is being extra cautious to the point where he refuses to get in his car and drive 50 miles to see his 85-year-old grandparents. The grandparents are going out to dinner, socializing with his dad and stepmom. The parents and grandparents keep pressuring him, but he and his GF are not up for it. I told him I thought he would regret it if something happened to them and that it was probably fine for them to visit and keep masks on, but his fears are overwhelming him. He is 31 and his GF is 26. He has always been risk-averse. Not sure I am giving him sound advice.
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Old 09-28-2020, 04:57 AM
  #7

I think we all have to do what we feel is best for ourselves and our loved ones. It's no fun staying isolated when you do see others out and about....but for me, it's too big a risk. I haven't been in a store or seen my sisters in almost 7 months but I'm healthy and I can keep doing this for as long as it takes til I feel safe and confident that I'm not exposing myself or others. I get days when I feel really down....but they pass and usually I can find something to cheer me up. PT helps!!!!
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Old 09-28-2020, 05:09 AM
  #8

It really varies here- some folks are out and about, going to church, socializing etc. as normal , while others are super cautious, and will not leave the house.

I am somewhere in the middle. I have attended in-person bookclub outside at a park, carefully distanced; I have eaten out on patios only. It will soon be too cold here for these types of events, and I will not be partaking in them at that point. It will be a long winter.

This week I am setting a challenge for myself. I am going to call/text a one friend daily that I haven't been in contact with since March. Hopefully that might help me with some of the isolation feelings.
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Yes
Old 09-28-2020, 05:11 AM
  #9

Quote:
Does anyone else feel like the rest of the world has gotten back to socializing while you’re still being cautious?
Yes! I still see some friends and family at a distance with masks on but I’m extremely selective. Since I’m now a SAHM (my son is 21 months old) I definitely am more isolated at home. I haven’t gone to a store in person since March - we get our groceries delivered. My DH works in Human Services and is considered an essential worker so we decided early on to minimize and manage our risk exposure as much as possible. (For others as much as ourselves). We keep our bubble very small.

I do a LOT of face time and phone calls. I also make a point to get outside with my son and family every day. We’re blessed to live at the beach and close to parks with trails so we go there often.

Honestly, I miss just going to Target & Home Goods with my baby and a coffee and meandering.
#FirstWorldProblems

PS: Does anyone else find that their house is more messy even though you’re home more often to clean? It’s like the clutter and mess multiplies every time I turn around.

Last edited by WordFountain; 09-28-2020 at 05:13 AM.. Reason: additional info
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Old 09-28-2020, 05:33 AM
  #10

Thinking of you with love, Munchkins.

I understand how you feel. The only time I feel that way is when Iím here at PT. My ďrealĒ friends and my FB friends (admittedly a very small group) continue to be very cautious, while it seems like many PTers have resumed out-and-about lives.

I hope you stay strong and cautiousóand healthy.


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Old 09-28-2020, 07:13 AM
  #11

Maybe a little, but it doesn't bother me. It's still more so the opposite that the ENTIRE world is in this same boat.
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Old 09-28-2020, 07:46 AM
  #12

A thousand times YES! I am still masking up, staying home, and taking precautions. People around me are travelling, having parties, going to all day shopping sprees- COVID's not gone yet.
I fear I'll end up not being able to see my family for Thanksgiving or Christmas, and it'll be because people are not taking it seriously.

https://www.wtvr.com/news/national/c...45l6dsLo5Y_ki4
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Old 09-28-2020, 07:48 AM
  #13

Your son will regret it if he visits and his grandparents end up with covid. Also in SoCal. We are mostly still shut down. He is being very smart for his health and the health of others. Why would you encourage him to ignore health professionals and do something that you know is risky?
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Old 09-28-2020, 07:53 AM
  #14

Yes it can be lonely here at times but I have tried to be a pollyanna about the situation. There has been so much time to learn new things and I am enjoying that as well as getting to learn what else I love besides teaching.I would love outings with friends however I do enjoy my alone time. One of my sisters is out every day living it up with friends in an area with many cases of covid19 and she wants to come visit I have no problem telling her no because she isn't being careful. Wait until the cool winter months where this situation will inevitably grow worse. Perhaps then some people will slow down a bit . I see this alone time as a time to get ahead of the oncoming winter months.
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Lonely
Old 09-28-2020, 08:08 AM
  #15

Absolutely. And I feel doubly caged in because DD is pregnant and doesnít want anyone out and about if they want to see new baby. (Due Wednesday.)

Iím retired and so miss going out to lunch and visiting friends, going to the mall and antique stores. Iím just not willing to put myself or my family at risk.
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Old 09-28-2020, 08:09 AM
  #16

I was just listening to Dr Osterholm's (director of Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy) podcast. https://www.cidrap.umn.edu/covid-19/...ars/episode-25 It's well worth listening to for unpoliticized medical information.

One thing he has pointed out as we (they) learn more and more about the virus; there is something between everyone stay home and everyone go back to normal. Wear masks, distance, avoid the indoors with others. I feel very lucky to be in a state that has a mandatory mask regulation. I feel relatively safe going quickly to the store or going to an outside activity like public gardens or the zoo.

He has also pointed out that while he understands that we as a society are tired of having our life upended, the virus really doesn't care and will continue to burn through it's human fuel until we find a way to stop it. He said England is considering another lockdown because their case level is at 6 per 100,00. We have states that are 3x that and they're talking about opening the bars. He's particularly worried about "long haul" syndrome and what they are learning about that.

Being able to socially distance is a privilege. People who have to work, live in crowded circumstances, take public transportation, etc do not have that privilege. IMO those of us who have the income and space to be able to stay home and out of crowded indoor spaces as much as possible, should.
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Definitely yes!
Old 09-28-2020, 08:10 AM
  #17

I am retired. When I retired two years ago, I was busy with the gym, travel, lunches with friends, going to stores when I felt like it, sometimes just to browse, and more. Now, with Covid and my age of 66, I am still very cautious. i never was a big take out food person, so my neighbor who is my BFF and I have only done that a couple of times. I have only been out to eat outdoors once, and although my retired teachers lunch group has moved from Zoom conversations to outdoor dining, I am not ready to extend my circle to them yet. I do go to the public library to get books, the grocery store when I need to, and have been to a couple of the stores that I liked prior to Covid. The difference is that I go when I have a need for something, it isn't random.

Our gym has reopened, but I have frozen my membership till January. I want to see what happens in the fall with the cases and the flu before I decide to leave or not. I miss it, but in addition to the risks, I am not sure working out in a mask is something I can do. Life under the pandemic rules is not fun.
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Old 09-28-2020, 08:14 AM
  #18

Same here! We are virtual and my kids are as well. Some local schools are hybrid, but I am not comfortable with my kids being in person.

I see things on SM a feel confused as to why people make those choices. We are still at home, except for grocery store and hikes/walks. There is no reduction in risk right now and we still are learning about it. Avoiding contracting Covid is my goal right now, so I am staying home as much as possible.

I thankfully have friends and a spouse who think the same. SM does make it hard.
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Sonoma, I think I was focused on
Old 09-28-2020, 08:41 AM
  #19

how he will feel if they die from anything at all and he has not seen them since March.

He makes the same argument, that he would feel terrible if he visited them and then they came down with COVID, but since he and his GF have been basically nowhere since March, I feel it would be safe if they all keep their masks on. The 85-year-olds are already taking risks by going out to dinner two or three times a week.

It's a hard call. Perhaps my son has more sense than I do. I live in a rural area where things are starting to feel normal again. I told him to do what he feels is best, which I know he will. Just the whole situation makes me so sad. The grandparents keep writing to me, asking why he doesn't want to visit.
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Plenty to worry about
Old 09-28-2020, 09:17 AM
  #20

Quote:
Being able to socially distance is a privilege. People who have to work, live in crowded circumstances, take public transportation, etc do not have that privilege. IMO those of us who have the income and space to be able to stay home and out of crowded indoor spaces as much as possible, should.
This! I 100% agree with this, PoohBear. My DH is back at school face to face. His school pretty much had to open face to face. Would you pay $50,000 for virtual boarding school? Yeah, me neither. Basically, if they didnít open, everyone would lose their jobs and the school would close.

Do I like it? Not especially. But Iím proud of my DH who has been the point person working on developing and enforcing the protocols to keep everyone safe.

And yes, I still feel isolated and alone, but Iím also not going to continue to put off things I deem essential. DS is going to his well checks. Heís going to his neurologist appointment this week. Iím getting my mammogram. Eating in a restaurant isnít essential. Take out once a week, is. Getting coffee from a local small business coffee shop trying to stay afloat where the owners know me and me them, is essential. Iím all about calculated risks.

Besides, Iím too busy trying to keep my family safe and protected to worry about what other people are doing. If I donít agree with them, I just give them the side eye and stay far away from them.
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We have
Old 09-28-2020, 09:48 AM
  #21

stuck with masks and carry out or outside only for dining. I needed to get a colonoscopy and was impressed with the procedures that they followed to stay safe. I had a COVID test 3 days before the procedure, and had a mask on over the oxygen cannula, plus they will be following up twice on how I am feeling post procedure.

We saw friends recently, but stayed socially distanced and outside the entire time. I can't bring myself to eat in a restaurant, and will miss being able to eat outside when the weather gets cold. I am concerned about the winter, but have been trying to find safe ways to function.
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Old 09-28-2020, 10:13 AM
  #22

This is the most brilliant and thoughtful post I have ever read on PT. Thank you, dear Pooh.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PoohBear
I was just listening to Dr Osterholm's (director of Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy) podcast. https://www.cidrap.umn.edu/covid-19/...ars/episode-25 It's well worth listening to for unpoliticized medical information.

One thing he has pointed out as we (they) learn more and more about the virus; there is something between everyone stay home and everyone go back to normal. Wear masks, distance, avoid the indoors with others. I feel very lucky to be in a state that has a mandatory mask regulation. I feel relatively safe going quickly to the store or going to an outside activity like public gardens or the zoo.

He has also pointed out that while he understands that we as a society are tired of having our life upended, the virus really doesn't care and will continue to burn through it's human fuel until we find a way to stop it. He said England is considering another lockdown because their case level is at 6 per 100,00. We have states that are 3x that and they're talking about opening the bars. He's particularly worried about "long haul" syndrome and what they are learning about that.

Being able to socially distance is a privilege. People who have to work, live in crowded circumstances, take public transportation, etc do not have that privilege. IMO those of us who have the income and space to be able to stay home and out of crowded indoor spaces as much as possible, should.
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Old 09-28-2020, 10:47 AM
  #23

Thank you Amiga I do highly recommend Dr Osterholm's podcasts (available on your computer or any podcast app). It's good to get calm, objective and expert (actual expert with decades of experience in the field, not just someone who calls themselves an expert on tv. )information these days.
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Old 09-28-2020, 11:10 AM
  #24

I have also been listening to Dr. Osterholmís podcasts. Highly recommend.

DH and my activities include the grocery, pharmacy, take-out, gym (part of our hospital so all protocols are followed and I feel safe), and visits to my elderly in-laws. Thatís it.

I wanted to return to skating but that opens up a larger network. Then I saw photos of my coach (an amazing lady) on FB at her sonís wedding and no one was wearing masks. I live in a high risk state.
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Old 09-28-2020, 01:04 PM
  #25

Quote:
Does anyone else feel like the rest of the world has gotten back to socializing while you’re still being cautious?
Yes. Certainly my family (siblings, nieces/nephews) are living life as usual. I've seen so many pictures of family parties and parties with friends at college, etc. etc. I feel like I live in an entirely different world from them. Honestly, they've been like this since at least June. I'm happy but shocked no one has gotten COVID (that I know of).

Most of my friends IRL are much more cautious- some less cautious than I (going to restaurants) and some more cautious than I (not even going to the grocery store).
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Old 09-28-2020, 01:05 PM
  #26

I just had a conversation today with someone about the holidays. I am in a high risk group and have only seen my sister during this time. I am really only comfortable doing outdoor activities and quick indoor shopping trips.

I will probably not see my parents for the holidays this year because my dad is still working and my mom is out and about many days during the week.
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Old 09-28-2020, 01:40 PM
  #27

I walk outside regularly. I do shopping and other essential errands, masked, but that's about it. My part time work is still shut down and everything else, including my social life, is pretty much online. We're mandatory masked here so I feel pretty safe going out and about. However, it does feel lonely when I see pictures on social media of people socializing without masks.
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Old 09-28-2020, 02:39 PM
  #28

I think a lot of us are feeling the effects of the pandemic. We know that but we just can't put our finger on just what aspect that is. My husband has been very depressed lately and he says he just feels like everything has been taken away. That's made the most sense of any description to me.

I hope things get better for you. You may not be alone in your own feelings of loneliness, but your feelings still matter a great deal. Hope things are better for you soon.
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Old 09-28-2020, 02:40 PM
  #29

I totally understand how you're feeling, Munchkins. I feel the same way! Some days are better than others, but I do get frustrated seeing people acting as if the pandemic is over. It's not, and it won't be if they continue acting unsafely. I'm actually glad to see your post today, because I'm having one of those days when I feel pretty low about the whole situation...Seeing all these similar responses makes me feel less alone.
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Old 09-28-2020, 02:44 PM
  #30

Munchkins, I'm feeling lonely right now too, so I can commiserate. I haven't seen my son and my aunt in over a year and I can't go see them any time soon.

PoohBear and H0kie, thank you for your insights and also the podcast.

I think a lot of factors go into what decisions to make regarding seeing friends and family:

local infection rates;
having to travel (or not);
staying outside;
how many people you (and them) have been around;

Personally, I'm back to F2F teaching and trying to minimize other risks,

BUT, I have met up with one friend for outdoor, socially distanced take out and drinks. I think my sanity needed it. Also, I was benefitting the local, small business too.
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Old 09-28-2020, 03:07 PM
  #31

The big thing for me is I am not able to perform in music and theatre since that stuff is pretty much shut down. The few places that are doing that probably should not be because their areas have high infection rates.

Other than that, I think I have been somewhere in between isolation and running about, choosing safe activities. I am not completely isolating, but am choosing wisely.

I visited my parents a couple of times over the summer since none of us were going many places, walk outside, and have attended small music events with my husband on patios and areas with social distancing. We have eaten outside in areas with few people and inside a couple of times because we were practically the only ones in the place.

Besides my two visits with my parents, the only other people I have seen in person besides them and my husband are a couple of people one time.

I feel ok about what I have been able to do outside the home. Missing music and theatre is the thing that gets to me.
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Not feeling as lonely now!
Old 09-28-2020, 03:30 PM
  #32

Thanks so much- it helps to know that there are so many others who are being careful. You all made a lot of sense- thanks for all the insights, suggestions, and friendship. PT does help! I'm never alone as long as you all are here!

Twin2's DH hit it on the head, at least for me.
Quote:
My husband has been very depressed lately and he says he just feels like everything has been taken away.
I was thinking this morning that I felt like I was grieving, and I guess I was. So much has been taken away from all of us. I suppose the feelings will come and go in waves until this is all resolved. Until then, I'll do my best to strike a balance as I continue to follow rules and protocols, and stay as safe as possible.

Thanks- I am grateful for all of you!
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Old 09-28-2020, 05:42 PM
  #33

It's interesting to see what people are doing in different parts of the country.

I was in Colorado this weekend. I was pleasantly surprised during my travels. Everyone in the airport had masks and were good about staying distanced, everyone in the hotel as well, nowhere we went was crowded or felt risky.

It was odd to see restaurants open for indoor dining. But it was so reasonable. Tables were much farther than 6 ft apart, windows and doors were open for air flow, everyone was masked unless eating.

I can't live in fear and isolation. My family is cautious but not paranoid. Our county numbers are getting lower every day and I think that helps me feel good about slowly resuming somewhat normal activities within the parameters of social distancing and wearing a mask.
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Old 09-28-2020, 06:02 PM
  #34

I know what jazzer means about the music. I'm in a zoom choir, but knowing I'll spend the holiday season singing into my cell phone and sending in a tape is pretty disheartening!
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Old 09-28-2020, 07:12 PM
  #35

Quote:
Being able to socially distance is a privilege. People who have to work, live in crowded circumstances, take public transportation, etc do not have that privilege. IMO those of us who have the income and space to be able to stay home and out of crowded indoor spaces as much as possible, should.
This should just be printed on a billboard and and flyers and broadcast on commercials.

Add me to the Osterholm fan club. I love that he starts every podcast with a dedication to a group affected by COVID, whether directly through disease or indirectly through lockdown, and ends with song lyrics or a poem. He always keeps humanity at the forefront, not politics or spin or even pure numbers.

He has said consistently that people do best if they're just told the truth, no matter how difficult it is to hear.
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Old 09-29-2020, 05:18 AM
  #36

Quote:
Being able to socially distance is a privilege. People who have to work, live in crowded circumstances, take public transportation, etc do not have that privilege. IMO those of us who have the income and space to be able to stay home and out of crowded indoor spaces as much as possible, should.
Quote:
This should just be printed on a billboard and and flyers and broadcast on commercials.
I agree. It is not possible for everyone.
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Old 09-29-2020, 03:58 PM
  #37

I feel out of place in public because I am trying to be so cautious while so many others don't seem to care. Also yes, others seem to be having family gatherings and DH and I are just not ready yet for that kind of thing.

Nancy
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Old 09-29-2020, 11:13 PM
  #38

It is extra hard if you are not working now. The social isolation is very hard. My dd has many friends. My son has one friend he does things with. Dh has work friends. I have a very few friends from church I see. I hope this ends soon.
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