With lunch being in our classrooms and all at staggered times, so only one grade has the playground at a time, we have very few people we can eat lunch with and it's the same people every time. Or, we could eat in the room with our students, but with being in the room with them all day, one needs a break!
This week, the group I have lunch with has not been able to stop gossiping about this one teacher. She's new and they don't like her and all they've done is complained about her, gossip about her, etc. Now, she has done one thing to really annoy me, but other than that I've had no issues with her. The things that they talk about would also annoy me/tick me off if it happened to me, but I wouldn't go around and talk about it to other staff members. That's all they do is talk about her. I get they are frustrated and I get they need to vent, but I really don't want to hear it. I hate being around the negativity because I feel like that clouds my view then and influences how I see someone. I just keep my mouth shut because I obviously don't want to be involved, but I also feel like if I say something for them to stop or to indicate a different opinion, it will cause more tension.
Ironically, one of the complaints these people have about this co-worker is that she brings too much drama to our school, how they hate drama and want to stay out of it. Yet, to me, by talking about this at lunch, the entire 30 minutes every day this week, is drama in itself. It's like the ones who say they hate drama and making drama out of this by venting and complaining about it. And now it's gotten beyond things she's done or said to include the way she teaches, her personality, etc.
I so hope it gets better. I've tried to change the subject, but that's not really helped. It just frustrates me that these people who claim to not like drama are the same ones who are making it worse!
Two things:
Yes, find a new place to eat! I eat outside or bring a sandwhich and walk around the block. We are not to be off campus, but I got permission to walk since I don't come in contact with anyone.
Can you take the high road and help out this new teacher? Just take her under your wing and give her some ideas?
Can you just tell this group that you would like to spend your lunch talking about things other than people? See if they will honor your request.
When I ate lunch with the primary teachers it was like that often. I started speaking up and just saying I was uncomfortable with the conversation- can we change it? They were adult about it.
I know that wouldn't work with everyone, but we try to teach our students and kids to not be bystanders and to speak up. We need to start doing the same thing!
I think you can ask to change the subject. It’s not healthy to constantly rehash this anger. It will breed further contempt. You might ask if they’ve given any thought to talking to her.
Isn’t the hypocrisy of people who despise drama, yet perpetuate it daily amazing?
I would either find a different place to be, or I would say, let’s change the subject. Actually, me being me, I would probably call them out on their BS and get into a verbal fun test. I’m awfully mouthy, though.
Thanks for the ideas! I like to be around adults, so eating lunch in the building with some is a nice, needed break after being with kids all day. I'm going to try to keep changing the subject and see how that goes.
This teacher they are talking about has over 20 years of experience. I've seen her teach and she does phenomenal. Her personality is a little "intense" and she's pretty self-centered, but of course, we all have to learn to work with people of all kinds of personalities. I'm not going to lie, she does things (not teaching wise) that drive me crazy, but I don't go around complaining about it to others!
I really hope next week they are on to different things!
Can I just say that I have become very tired of the word "vent" because, in my experience, it is always an excuse to trash someone else. In my opinion, a professional will find someone outside the workplace to talk to if they legitimately feel the need to "vent."
I used to have a pair of colleagues who felt the need to "hen-peck" every new, female teacher no matter what she was like. Of course, they were never gossiping. They were always "venting." They would work hard to turn other teachers against her. For some reason, male teachers were immune from this sort of behavior. I am ashamed to say that I fell for it once and participated in the "venting" against a new teacher before I realized, or admitted to myself, what was going on. (That teacher actually became one of my favorite colleagues later on.) That's also when I realized that some of the problems I, myself, faced my first year in that district were, most likely, caused by these same two teachers. After that, I usually did try to go out of my way to befriend their victims.
So, good for you for declining to participate. Good luck getting them to change the subject. If this is unusual behavior for them, you may succeed in steering the conversation in a different direction.
That happens a lot. Just continue to not engage in it. Maybe you will be a good example for them! Take your phone to the lounge, and drown it out looking at Pinterest or something!
I have, with various amount sof luck, at times requested people at lunch, "Can we talk about something unrelated to work? I need a mental break." It hasn't worked a few times but when it has, it's been great and made me closer friends with the people.
There were a few snide remarks made about this person during lunch, but they were off the cuff, so it didn't dominate our whole lunch time, which was nice. I hope it starts looking up.
I could relate to a lot of the posts and yours. When I 1st moved here a long time ago, the school was horrible about it. ( I'd come from a much nicer school.)
Everyone knew if you did not eat in the lounge that you were "free game" for the topic of the lunch discussion.
My first year, I walked in the lounge to have the room go silent a few times. I knew I had been the topic. It was really hurtful.
It was the culture of the school and I hated it. Being new, I never wanted to say much and wouldn't talk about people like that, but I did listen. I wasn't sure how to "turn it around" either.
Eventually a few of them retired or moved. I saw my chance and jumped on it. I invited 2 teachers who never joined in the trash talk and asked them if they wanted to start having lunch in my room. They were thrilled with the idea.
Then from that point on, things really changed. A few other groups branched off to other classrooms. ( Some were probably still talking trash, but we didn't have to hear it.)
Over the years, we invited a few more nice people to my room. It turned out that after that year, the lounge was empty during lunch time except for an occasional OT or PT traveler. I hope you find a way to get through it soon!
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10-10-2020, 05:29 AM
