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Now why would you say that? FB
Old 09-22-2021, 03:38 AM
  #1

I am only on a few private FB groups for sewing related things (and use DHís account because I donít have one). Today a woman posted a photo of a quilt she completed in which she obviously put a lot of time, effort, and love into. It is done beautifully with a primarily green theme. One person posted that ďgreen is not my color, but it looks niceĒ. Why even say you donít like green? Maybe it is just me, but I thought it was rather rude,


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Old 09-22-2021, 04:03 AM
  #2

Social media has created a culture where we (as a society) feel every opinion we have is important and needs to be heard. It's tragic.
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Old 09-22-2021, 04:32 AM
  #3

This is exactly what I was saying the other day. It is so disheartening to me. Don't they know the old saying 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!" So many rude comments on subjects that aren't causing an argument to begin with.
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Old 09-22-2021, 04:38 AM
  #4

I agree; no reason to say that at all. The person is probably thoughtless. She probably didn't even think it through enough to realize that her words would be hurtful to the person who made the quilt. Basically, she was typing her thoughts without filter. No excuse. Just what happens too often. People say rude things and don't realize it. I'm hoping she didn't say it purposely.
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Old 09-22-2021, 05:21 AM
  #5

I don't know why it was necessary to say that, but I don't particularly find it offensive or rude. It is a part of a comment my brain could easily filter out.


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Old 09-22-2021, 07:28 AM
  #6

I heartily agree with you, Cat woman, and I love what PEP wrote. I guess Iím lucky because people in my real life and my extremely limited FB friends are quite polite (well, DD can be rude). Sadly for me, I seem to attract attackers right here at PT; Iím trying to learn to not care and to consider the source. What comes from people who call themselves Christians truly shocks me.
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Old 09-22-2021, 07:38 AM
  #7

I interpreted that comment as ďIím not even someone who likes green and yet that looks nice.Ē Just a clunky attempt at being extra complimentary.

Like saying, ďIím not a chocolate person but these cupcakes are delicious.Ē
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Old 09-22-2021, 07:58 AM
  #8

I do this, and didnít realize it was interpreted the way people are interpreting it, so I will stop.

I interpret it the same way Gromit, and mean it that way when I say it.

I feel like if I say I donít typically like quality X, and this is something that has quality X and I like it, Im trying to say that to me, It means they are extra talented to get me to see the beauty in quality X when I usually donít see it/feel it/admire it. I always thought it was a step above a typical compliment. I think that of COURSE people who love quality X will think itís gorgeous. But itís so gorgeous with your artistry and talent, even those who donít like quality X find it amazing or beautiful, and thatís saying something.

Or thatís what I thought I was saying. I hope I made sense.
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Old 09-22-2021, 09:05 AM
  #9

Thirding Gromit's comment. That's what I thought - trying to be extra complimentary. Like, wow, that's amazing enough to convert a hater to a lover kind of thing.
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Nothing surprises me any moreÖ
Old 09-22-2021, 09:06 AM
  #10

There seems to be a decline of basic manners. I have seen similar rudeness on some of the book club groups I am in. I also left a group because when I respectfully agreed with the opinion of the original poster, a woman did not like it and was nasty and rude in her comments to me. I would hope such people would not be so rude in person, but I would not bet on it.


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Old 09-22-2021, 09:38 AM
  #11

Fourthing (?) Gromit's comment here. It's a compliment. Was it necessary for one to say they don't like green? No, but I don't think it's necessarily rude or insulting, either. I've seen plenty of people do it on PT (I'm sure I have before, and I know some people in this thread have). It would have been kinder to say, "I usually don't like green, but this is nice," or "although I don't like green, you've done a great job."

I do agree that social media and online forums/comment sections in general have encouraged a "say what you feel" attitude.
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I'm with Gromit
Old 09-22-2021, 10:16 AM
  #12

I don't see anything obviously rude about that comment, and assumed that she was saying even though she didn't like green she still thought the quilt was nice. But then I often stick my foot in my mouth and don't always get how my words impact others. Not ill intentioned, just clueless about social graces.
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Thanks for a different perspective
Old 09-22-2021, 10:23 AM
  #13

I hadnít thought it might be a round about way to compliment.


Sort of like if when viewing a cute dog picture I might say, ďI am not a dog person, but yours is cuteĒ

The quilt wasnít even mine, but it sort of stung when I read it. I think others felt similarly because most of the other comments really praised the colors.
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Old 09-22-2021, 01:52 PM
  #14

I must be missing something. It would not bother me at all if someone said that about something i made. It isnt personal. The person is just stating their opinion.
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Old 09-22-2021, 02:18 PM
  #15

I have noticed comments getting increasingly rude. I see that some see this comment and in a different light and it helped me to see that.

The other day, a retired colleague posted about her son's 10 year vow renewal. A friend of hers wrote something like, "Ten years is only a drop in the bucket. Oh well, have a good day." That seemed rude to me.
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Old 09-22-2021, 03:04 PM
  #16

The vow renewal comment above didn't even try to be nice.
Something comparable would have been "I wouldn't do a vow renewal myself, but it's so nice that they love each other so much and are celebrating that." Again, could be seen as backhanded, but acknowledges that people are different and says something complimentary.

I agree overall that sometimes it's best to leave your own opinions out of compliments, however at times I think it also adds a level of sincerity and truth if you can put it out there that you see obvious beauty in things you wouldn't have thought you would.

The dog example was a good one. I've also thought that about tattoos. I'm not a fan, but occasionally I'll see one that is just strikingly beautiful.

I actually have a hot pink quilt that I love that is displayed prominently in my home. People are surprised by it. I get lots of comments about the color and think it myself sometimes. It's really cool to have an antique family quilt with a background story, but it's an oddly vibrant color for a one hundred year old quilt so it's not unusual for people to wonder about the color choice or even the fact that it is on my wall. However, overall people seem to appreciate it for what it is. Like any kind of art, fabric choices on quilts can be controversial! I love it when people notice it, even if it's not with total admiration.
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