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Did you enjoy planning your wedding?
Old 04-07-2015, 02:33 PM
  #1

I am about a month away from getting married and quite frankly I am sick of all the planning and so many details. It doesn't help that my mom is very Martha stewart like and wants everything perfect. I, on the other hand, don't really care if we have table cloths at reception or not (tables are gorgeous wood) or if we put bows on the pews at the church. I am just not into all the fussy details like some girls are. I am also wondering if I don't like planning because that's what we as teachers do all day at work?

Whatever it is I have had enough. It feels like as soon as a couple things get crossed off to do list, 5 more "urgent" things appear on it. I feel like it's never ending and exhausting.

I want to be married, I want to have a nice day but I am tired of worrying about every little thing and making decisions. I just want it to be the day.

I am not sure if I am even making sense. I have people to help me but ultimately lots of things are on me. Ahhhhh

It is my spring break right now but it doesn't feel like it because there is so many wedding odds and ends to do. I want to just laze around and do nothing. I know I am not going to feel rested when I return to school.
Perhaps things will seem better in the morning.


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Old 04-07-2015, 02:41 PM
  #2

no.

About three weeks in to planning, I was so disgusted and overwhelmed with everything... it was nothing I was interested in doing and I was doing it for everyone else, not me and my fiance. So, I went to my dad with my issues ( literally walked across the campus of the national lab I was working at to the building he worked in during the middle of the work day ) and he told me he would give me $2000 to elope, lol.

So, we did. Sort of. Because everyone already knew... so they tagged along to lake tahoe. Which I didn't care because that was their gig.

Later, my very PO-ed mother-in-law had a reception for us for all their friends. I didn't have to plan for it and I didn't have to worry about it or pay for it.
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Wedding
Old 04-07-2015, 02:44 PM
  #3

I got married 30 years ago and loved planning, but it was simpler then. My DD just got married and I couldn't believe all the "Doo dads" she wanted. And she kept hers relatively simple. We gave her a budget and said "do want you want, but this is it."

The wedding was gorgeous.

There were many stressful conversations, but she prioritized well. The worst were the two bridesmaids that heinously backed out a month before the wedding. (I secretly did the happy dance.) she relaxed a few days after they backed out, because she had been tippy toeing around them.

Do what you want, not what your mom wants, unless you can compromise.
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Old 04-07-2015, 02:49 PM
  #4

I had fun planning, for the most part- I think that's because DH and I planned it ourselves and kept it simple. I spent winter break before our April wedding making all the (silk) floral: boutonnieres, corsages, my bouquet, and wreaths for reception hall doors. DH spent a weekend with his mom, Grandma, and aunts making candy favors.

I guarantee things will be better in the morning. Let your Martha mom do her thing. Surrender to her in a good way and don't sweat the little stuff.
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Enjoy it!
Old 04-07-2015, 02:56 PM
  #5

Please enjoy the planning if you can! I was already on active duty in the military -- my mom and mother-in-law planned my small wedding. It got done -- but things that were done were not to my taste... Or my dh's. But, over 30 years later, we are still together!


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Old 04-07-2015, 03:06 PM
  #6

I loved it, but I didn't have family who gave me a hard time about it. That's the stressful part of planning. If you get to do what you want without worrying about money too much, it's fantastic fun.

If you've got people who are sticking their noses in and placing expectations on you, it's no fun. Sorry you don't get to have fun.

If you really don't care about the details -- as in you really don't care, not as in you don't want her details -- just let Martha Mom do her thing and leave you out of it, imo.
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Old 04-07-2015, 03:14 PM
  #7

It's not that they are sticking their noses in it where I don't want. It's just that others care much more about the finer details than I do. Not sure if I am explaining it correctly.

That and it just seems never ending.
Did dress fitting and jewellery today. Booked honeymoon last night. Meeting with venue Thursday.
But then omg have to do cake yet and finalize church and music and scout picture location and and and are the shoes I bought the ones I am going to keep or should I look for others (I like them but don't love them)

There is just so much to it and I have decided I am just not really into doing it. I know some girls love fussing over everything and pouring over cake designs etc. I just don't. I want it to look nice and be a great day but I guess I don't want to put so much time and energy into it and maybe I am wrong for feeling like this and need a new perspective.
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Old 04-07-2015, 03:54 PM
  #8

I enjoyed planning mine but we were very laid back. There was a lot I didn't worry or care about. We got married on the beach and at first I wan't going to have chairs but my sister told me I should. That was the only thing were family wanted something a certain way. My biggest argument with dh was that he wanted to wear shoes and I wanted him to be barefoot. He wore the shoes and I didn't worry about it.

If there are little things you don't care about then try let them know that it isn't important. Don't think you have to do something because tradition dictates that it must be done. Brides these days make the wedding uniquely their own by doing what is important to them and leaving out the rest.

Some advice that was given to me is worth passing on... make a decision and stick with it. Don't second guess and continue to shop or look around. Tell yourself that the shoes are good enough, no one will scrutinize which ones you chose. Bows on the pews? No one will care if you do or do not have them. Hard time choosing the cake? Take your fiancÚ's mom and to help you choose and go with what she suggests. She will be thrilled to be invited.

In end everything will be perfect because you are marrying someone you want to be with and are surrounded by people you love. That's all that really matters.

(I have a friend who didn't care a thing about details. She handed it all over to her mother, including choosing her dress. She just went along for the ride and enjoyed her day.)
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Old 04-07-2015, 03:55 PM
  #9

I enjoyed planning our wedding for the most part, but there were days that I was ready to elope. I think I understand where you're coming from. When we got married DH's aunts felt that we needed bows at the end of each aisle but I didn't think it mattered. I told them they could do them if they wanted to, and they did. They felt good about it, and I didn't lift a finger to get it done. In all honesty, I didn't even notice the bows until we were looking at pictures.

My advice is if someone thinks you need something at the wedding that isn't a big deal to you, put them in charge! If it's something that you absolutely don't want, then say no, but if it's something that won't bother you one way or another then let them be in charge of it. Good luck!
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Old 04-07-2015, 03:57 PM
  #10

DH and I planned our wedding. It sounds like you and I are similar. I had the benefit of not marrying till I was 36, so all my married friends helped me prioritize. We didn't do favors- I mean think about it- do you really keep the corkscrews, frames and cd's? No programs. I had a best woman. DH had a best man and that was the bridal party. We had our wedding in the same room as our reception. No cocktail hour. We had a buffet. We spent money on flowers and music.

If you are comfortable with it, turn it over to Martha with your blessing and a request to tell you when and where to show up!


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Old 04-07-2015, 04:00 PM
  #11

I told my sister what I wanted and she did all the planning for me! It took a lot of the stress off of me. I come from a big NY Italian family and weddings are very extravagant. I didn't want a huge wedding, but wanted everyone to have fun. It was a blast! My Godfather even paid to keep the open bar going for the rest of the night after we met the cap.
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Old 04-07-2015, 04:02 PM
  #12

I was young and just finishing up school (we've been married 16 years). My mom and dh's mom took over and did it all pretty much. I was overwhelmed with graduating so I just kind of got swept along. I wish I'd waited a bit to get married (not anything to do with our actual marriage) as I graduated, got married, moved to a new city, started my first teaching job and bought a house in a very short time period. I think I would have enjoyed all those things a lot more if I had spread them out. I was completely overwhelmed. I know how you feel about the details but try to enjoy it as much as possible b/c it goes so fast. You have an exciting time coming up - congrats!
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I have been married
Old 04-07-2015, 04:25 PM
  #13

42 years. It was NOT the industry it is now. It was at a beautiful country club my parents belonged to. There were 2 choices for dinner. There was no such thing as open bar that I heard of then anyway. The place provided the centerpieces, there was no talk of that. The church still had Christmas decorations and flowers, nothing to do there! We picked out our dresses and I don't remember much more than that. We invited all our friends, we were right out of college, my parents invited theirs', we had an absolute blast because one of the most important things was getting a great band. No bands now! No one could afford it but there were no D.J's then.

My daughter's planning of her wedding a few years back was, on the other hand, extremely stressful. Both of us were not that happy with all the decisions that had to be made. She and her dh had exactly what they wanted but I thought we'd all kill each other by the time it occurred, even though it really was a beautiful wedding. It's just too bad it's become so stressful and such an industry now. My ds doesn't want any part of it. If and when he gets married, I think he wants a cookout in the backyard.
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Old 04-07-2015, 04:25 PM
  #14

No. no. no...
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Old 04-07-2015, 04:59 PM
  #15

I had fun planning my wedding. But I wasn't working full time and enjoyed my days of running errands and shopping for this and that.

It was definitely stressful but I felt well equipped to handle the planning. It felt like what I do when I plan a summer camp. Same process anyway.

I wasn't too, too worried about everything. Our biggest issue was the seating arrangement and money just kept being spent. I was about $10,000 over budget! Eek! We also paid for everything ourselves and didn't have any family members offering input which made it easier.

I did have a craft day with my bridesmaids and we did the favors, the center pieces and a couple of other things all on one day. That was great! I highly suggest it!

I can see not caring about this kinds of details. If you mom is paying and wants bows on the pews, say sure mom. Go for it. I have too much else to do but if you have time that's great. Just decide on the stuff that's most important to you and delegate the rest!
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Loved it.
Old 04-07-2015, 05:12 PM
  #16

I was not fussy about the little details. My parents paid for the wedding, so when I instinctively suggested a low cost or buffet meal option, my dad said he preferred the seated steak dinner. Fine. I think favors are kinda corny, but my mom said she'd be embarrassed not to have them. Fine. She put them together.

The only thing I was do-or-die over was my veil. I wanted a long, long veil. I got a few looks but I was living my dream.

I actually planned the whole thing via phone (cake, church, photographer) during my lunch breaks when I taught summer school. Since I wasn't picky and I was frugal, I didn't hem and haw over decisions.

Sure, you get weary and cranky. I did, too. However, once I stuck that veil on my head I was the happiest lady on earth. I loved every bit of that day, I'm sure you will too!
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Old 04-08-2015, 06:54 AM
  #17

For the most part I enjoyed it. The worst parts were the guest list for many reasons and finding a place to have it. Other than that, I had fun with it!
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Old 04-08-2015, 03:30 PM
  #18

I eloped, for many reasons. One of them was a lack of desire to plan a wedding. Just too many details that are not interesting to me!
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Ugh
Old 04-08-2015, 04:27 PM
  #19

I'm in the thick of it now! We are two months out and still don't have a place to have the ceremony. The reception venue is set and perfect, we just can't seem to nail down a place to say the I Do's! I've decided that if the two places I still have to look at this week don't pan out, I'm doing it at the courthouse. I'm hoping everything else will fall into place after that.

We finished up the guest list tonight, we're doing rings on Saturday. We still have to figure out a cake, make the escort cards, and a few other things.

Once we have the ceremony space and bakery we'll be done "finding" stuff and we'll just have to make quick decisions about everything else. I'll be one happy lady when all of this is over!
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Yes
Old 04-08-2015, 10:31 PM
  #20

Until I got to a month before the wedding. Then I could give 2 left arms what happened. I just wanted it over. I was tired of arguing with my not so dear MIL about MY day and what SHE wanted. We got a license in Las Vegas so we could have eloped at any point but DH talked me down. I didn't speak to anyone for about a month afterwards because I was so disgusted with the planning drama. They wanted to do parties afterwards and family get togethers. I opted out. I was just plain done.
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Old 04-09-2015, 06:46 AM
  #21

Thanks for all the replies! It helps to hear some different perspectives!
I think what is really getting me is that it is taking up my whole spring vacation (appointments almost everyday this week for various things) and I know I won't feel rested or relaxed when I return to work on Monday. I need my down time and I am not getting any.

But deep breaths I suppose and I am off to another appt. Thanks again for the many replies!
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