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I just need this off my chest
Old 08-16-2020, 10:26 AM
 
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- started last week with virtual teaching. Itís going to be ok. I have some very special kids who are going to need lots of one on one zooms.

- Iím stressed about my persona kids and their anxiety.

- I am super resentful of my ex husband because he now can take all the time off in the world and can go in as late as he wants when he has the kids. When we were married, he never took time off to help with the kids.

- I hate that I have to live paycheck to paycheck. Iím even having to ask my parents to help with expenses. Iíve cut back on everything. The only thing I refuse to lose is my Starbucks.

- dating at 34 is super hard. Iím too old for people my age to date. They want version 2.0 at 25. And Iím not comfortable dating someone more than 8 years older than me. I mean I have 4 year olds.

- I just wish my ex could have been the man I knew he was. Iím so sad and lonely. Yes, I have friends and a great family, but a partner would be great.

- Iím picking up my click list and Iíve been waiting for 25 minutes. Itís ridiculous. How hard is it to take groceries to a car?


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No advice
Old 08-16-2020, 10:55 AM
 
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I am sorry to hear you are feeling so stressed.
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Clarity Clarity is offline
 
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My advice is to loosen your standards
Old 08-16-2020, 12:49 PM
 
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a bit! When I got divorced from my 37-year-old husband, I was already 50, with eleven and thirteen-year old children. My only requirement was that whoever I dated NOT have kids, cause I did not want my kids to have to deal with that type of stress.

I soon began dating a man who was 38 and ended up marrying him. We were together for 16 years. And he was gorgeous.

I have no idea what you are talking to in terms of what men want. In my experience, men want a nice woman they can relate to. I am not drop-dead gorgeous, but have never had a problem attracting men who are attracted to confident, intelligent, high-achieving, fun, loving women.

At 34, you are SO young!! I didn't even have children until I was 37. My goodness, girl, get a grip. If you don't like how you look, change your looks. Lose weight, color your hair, learn to do makeup, find a hobby, connect with others in your situation.

What's wrong with dating a man ten or 15 years your senior? I never had an issue dating younger men. In fact, at age 66, I started dating my current boyfriend, the ONLY man I ever seriously dated who is OLDER than me (by 1.5 years). Trust me, I still get offers from men of all ages.

You are being way too hard on yourself. Stop putting limits on your life based on age, which is, after all, just a number. I am 70 now and younger acting and looking than many women in their fifties. It's all about attitude and a willingness to take chances. Good luck!
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Old 08-16-2020, 01:42 PM
 
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I will echo what Clarity said. I started dating my husband when I was 35 and got married for the first time at the age of 38. He is 12 years older than me. I didn’t want kids, but probably could have had at least one if I wanted to. That is something you already have.

My sister in law got married for the first time at the age of 39 and had her child at 40. She has now been happily married for 22 years and has a son in college.
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Old 08-16-2020, 01:50 PM
 
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Doesn't it feel great to have a vent board? Don't give up on any of it. School will be fine. So will your own kids. Dating isn't over for you. Finances will get better. Hugs to you, techgrad mama. You got this.

As for grocery pick up, I will tell you this. I've figured out there are peak/busy pick up times and I try to avoid them. I do early weekend mornings (before 10), or weeknights 7:00 or later. I tend to not have to wait that long. Give it a whirl if you can.


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Techgrad
Old 08-16-2020, 02:05 PM
 
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Could you have more going on now? And, with Covid!

First, you are NOT too old to date!

I remember the paycheck to paycheck and panicking when paying bills. I wouldnít give up skating. Donít give up your Starbucks. Perhaps cut down if you go everyday. You have to have something you love.

Your feelings about your ex seem to be holding you back. It takes time, but when you are able to release some of those feelings, other things will open up for you. A counselor would be good to talk with and I havenít met one yet that doesnít have a sliding pay scale. In fact, my insurance covered the majority of it for me.

In time you will be ready to date. Guys like a girl who grooms herself, is friendly, easy to approach, confident, listens, and is not opinionated.

You are still very young and WILL find the right guy. I did and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I divorced at 45, had two relationships before I met my husband at 49, and then I married him at age 60. I wanted to wait because his two older teen children had lost their mother.

You can do this...one step at a time. Right now, just get school going well. Keep us posted. P.M. me any time.
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Old 08-17-2020, 02:40 PM
 
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I was divorced at 32 after 12 yrs of marriage. I had an 8 and a 3 year old.

I met my current husband shortly after. He is 4 years older than me. He loves my now 19 and 15 year old like his own. He sent me the sweetest message today for my first day of remote teaching.

It's all going to work out. You might as well let go of any resentment towards the ex. Mine is an ass. The only thing that does is eat at you.

Good luck.
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Old 08-18-2020, 06:12 PM
 
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I just want to say you are so young! Don't give up on finding someone, but also live your life.
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Yeah but...
Old 08-19-2020, 05:19 AM
 
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Also know that life can be fabulous without a partner/husband. I divorced 6 years ago and my ex remarried about a year later. She's good to my 8 year old (god knows my ex couldn't parent alone). There are times, when money is tight, that I look at their double income with resentment. My ex enrolled in college after our divorce - would have been nice if he had taken that initiative earlier to help us.

But - I can do anything I want. I can decide to eat waffles for dinner or eat dinner at 10p. There's no having to be considerate of someone else - ever. If I want to binge watch the Twilight movies, I can do so without anyone making fun of me. I never have to stare at golf, baseball, or March Madness games. Yes, some company sometimes would be nice but I don't want another man helping me raise my child and there are just too many things I enjoy about not being in a relationship. If someone is meant to come your way, they will.
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Old 08-20-2020, 06:44 AM
 
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Just what I needed, a thread on marriage divorce and beyond. I have been in this forum for years so here goes.
I have been a committed relationship since I was 18. ALWAYS had somebody. Married twice for 42 yrs total. #2 is moving out soon. We have two kids 13 and 16. The girl (13) is going with her. Should last about 2 months max as mom is OCD and in some ways less adult than the child. I am looking forward to not having to parent three instead of two soon. Wife 2 was raised by reptiles and cannot love or even be loved. Her first husband was on the road much of the year and she lived alone with pets. That seems to be best for her. Me? I have no idea where my life will go now. Im buying her a house and she gets my retirement when I pass. She is 50 and I'm 65. It was fun for awhile but she just wanted a fling. I think she flung a little after we were married. But its all water under a bridge. I may be too old to find miss right now but I love people (she didnt) and like company (she didnt). I taught PE for 40 yrs and retired 2 yrs ago. Still in good health and pretty fit. Any advice is welcomed.

Quote:
. I never have to stare at golf, baseball, or March Madness games.
agree about golf and baseball TOO SLOW but March Madness is amazing. And I will not miss 90 Day Fiance blasting out of the TV till midnight.


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Old 08-20-2020, 07:35 AM
 
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(((techgrad)))
It’s impossible to not be stressed right now and you’ve got a triple whammy. home, school, and Covid

Dating a second time is really hard. There are lots of ‘I know why he’s single guys’ out there.

It is hard now, and it will continue to be so for a while. It will get better. You will get finances under control. The kids are young now, and while every age has its challenges, as they age many things get better.

You are not too old to date. I restarted dating at 49. One girlfriend married (for the first time) at 58 and another at 60.

Yes, a partner is nice. I have been single, married, single, and then married again. I do prefer married, but in my second single time I was content. I really did not think I would marry again and would still be content if I had not. Each stage of life has its unique highs and lows.
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