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Dysfunctional Family Christmas
Old 12-05-2010, 05:40 PM
 
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With Christmas coming up, I'm thinking about what Christmas presents to buy. I like putting thought into presents and have always felt that presents are a way to show you care about someone. However in my dysfunctional family people buy presents for each other more out of obligation than love. Dad buys presents for his stepdaughter and they hardly talk, stepsis and i buy presents for each other and we never talk, and stepmom and i buy presents for each other and we talk some, but not much. I feel this is so strange. Sometimes my stepmom will even buy presents for my stepsister and I to give each other and then tell us she already got us gifts to give one another so no need for us to shop for each other. I guess she does this cause she knows her daughter and I aren't close and don't know much about each other's interests. Years she doesn't buy stepsis and i presents from each other, then I call up Dad and then he tells me what to buy for his wife and stepdaughter, and then he tells them what to buy for me. Its always been this way. Wish we were closer but I don't see that changing anytime soon. At least with my mom I and dad I know them well and can really put thought into their presents. Buying for my stepsister and stepmom is just a chore for me and something I feel obligated to do.


 

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I'll join the dysfunctional family club
Old 12-05-2010, 05:57 PM
 
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Mine isn't like yours but in a very different way are extremely dysfuncional. In fact, I am just so sick of it I didn't even get together with all of them for Thanksgiving and it was so nice to stay home and not listen to any of it! I have it to look forward to for Christmas though! The plus side is I have a huge family so you can get lost in it somewhere! Another plus is our family does the Yankee Swap instead of all the giftgiving. It keeps it fun and light and not so personal with all the giftgiving like we used to do which like you said, can seem so hypocritical.
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Old 12-05-2010, 06:05 PM
 
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My MIL and FIL never bought me a gift, or DH for that matter. I would spend an entire year buying gifts that were special for each and every member of his family. Then in return, I would get whatever was on the end of the isle as they pushed the cart down the isle.
I know it is better to give than receive, but after the first ten years, I really began to think it was personal (or not).

Each year I have been giving more generic and impersonal gifts. They probably don't even notice.
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Why not give
Old 12-06-2010, 05:00 PM
 
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a charitable donation in their name?

At least some good will come of it.
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Old 12-06-2010, 05:10 PM
 
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Oh, I could go on and on about dysfunctional family Christmases, but I will spare everyone the details. I am not a Christmas person and tend to get melancholy around the holidays, so I concentrate on giving to families who are having a hard time through a couple of organizations that I am involved in. I wish I could just put up the tree, put on my fav Christmas musuc, surround myself with my grandchildren, and just forget about the family hooplah that is so fake and so forced....(sigh) here I go !


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Old 12-06-2010, 05:31 PM
 
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i hear ya. i think my brother is currently mad at me because i don't want to buy presents for his kids. we were having a discussion at thanksgiving (his kids stopped coming to my thanksgiving dinner two years ago when their mom moved back into town.....nobody told me they weren't coming until the day before....nice) and i just said i wanted to just buy for the little kids this year. his kids are grown adults with kids of their own and i just wanted to buy for their little kids and not the grown ups. but i did want to buy a gift for my brother and sister and mom. he got mad and said i just didn't want to buy presents for his kids. well he is sort of right......but where does the gift giving stop???? i buy for my immediate family (my kids and fiance) and my mom (dad passed away). i buy for my brother and his kids and his kids kids!!!! geez. enough is enough. and the only time i see them is at xmas and holidays. his family never invites me to do anything except come to their kids birthday parties so i can bring a gift. they have NEVER (not once) invited me to just come over and hang out, or a summer picnic or a sunday dinner. NEVER. seriously. but i am supposed to buy them xmas gifts each year????? so i said i wasn't doing it this year and he got mad at me. oh well......no one cared that they made me mad about all the things they never invited me to do. ahhhhhh...........venting. queen of the dysfunctional families here........
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