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Please help me to survive! Hell on Wheels Student

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Lanieob Lanieob is offline
 
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Please help me to survive! Hell on Wheels Student
Old 05-01-2019, 02:13 PM
 
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I am desperately needing advice! I have a kindergarten student this year who is so, so difficult- hell on wheels! He was (almost) kicked out of 2 private preschools, karate, summer rec- you name it- they just couldn't handle his behavior problems! He is extremely intelligent but has huge problems- sensory, ODD, hyperactive, social- emotional- the list goes on and on. The mother refuses to acknowledge the full extent of his problems- as her oldest son was identified in a public school and she has no trust in the system. The guidance counselor is working with him- but that is it for now as he has no academic issues- he is one of the smartest kids in my class. I am doing the best I can- but honestly- this child is unbelievable- nothing seems to work- nothing seems to get through to him. I am at my wits end- can't wait til he goes on to first grade. I have to make it for seven more weeks- I feel so bad for the first grade teacher! I know I have to let go of this- I know the parents will hear this again in first grade. I feel so badly, because he is so hard to like and that is not like me at all. I have invested so much time in this child and he takes away from the learning in my classroom every day because I have to devote so much time to him. Any advice???


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Tawaki Tawaki is offline
 
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Welp..
Old 05-01-2019, 02:43 PM
 
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Search for ODD. I've written a bunch.

However horrid this kid is for you. It's a tire fire with napalm at home. Dimes to donuts, he doesn't act like sh*t for you, and it's all waffle toast and ice cream for mom. Kids with ODD and kids on the spectrum really do try (even if it doesn't look like it), and the Kraken is at home. Home is a "safe spot" for them. So, they unleash all their frustration there. You just get the tip of the iceberg.

Image going to "work", and it's miserable. You try. It's never good enough. I used to tell my ODD he was my hero just for showing up. He's missing all the social stuff. If he's spectrum-y, he's a good 2 years behind the other kids.

Make sure the other kids aren't triggering him on the down low. My ODD/ADHD/FASD/ASD kids would get picked on. There was always another twit who would do sneaky crap to get them going. Yes, this charmer is a PITA and is like a bull in a glass shop. But it doesn't mean the others don't poke the bear.

Since this kid is smart, and his only currency is being "bad", you gotta be like Spock. No matter how outrageous he gets, put your RBF on and raise a Spock eye brow. ODD live for the battle. He knows you can't kill him. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

You give choices but you load all the choices.

You can finish the work sheet.
You can sit with your head down.
You can go to Recharge Island. (a de-escalation spot I had)

This is said the most bored, burnt out DMV worker voice you can muster. BLAH BLAH BLAH WHINE WHINE WHINE. Repeat the above. The MINUTE show any emotion, you've lost. He breaks up crayons, I'd quietly pick up whatever was left, and give a chunky pencil. You don't over explain.

This kid is smart enough to know he can get everything rolling. You not reacting will throw him for a loop. I never had a clip chart or award program work with an ODD kid. One mess up means catastrophe, and they start acting up

One other thing is DO NOT CALL HIM OUT FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR. Resist this. It's hard. The day the room isn't a hot mess, and you verbally acknowledge him, he'll round house kick the someone in the head in the lunch line. I used to do a thumbs up on the down low or a post it note with a happy cartoon character I drew. (I taught art).

I taught at a private school. We were the last chance before the parents had to decide for something like residential treatment. I learned most of this stuff from my psychiatric social worker friend.

Good luck.

Last edited by Tawaki; 05-01-2019 at 03:07 PM..
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One last thing...
Old 05-01-2019, 03:04 PM
 
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Look up stuff for twice gifted children. My nephew is one . 130 IQ and on the spectrum. Socially he is about three years behind. My cousins only heard "130 IQ", and blamed the school for not challenging him. In reality, he had no clue how to even interact with his classmates. So you can have ODD/ADHD/ASD with a huge IQ and a zillion behavioral issues.
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That's my kid.
Old 05-01-2019, 03:51 PM
 
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Honestly, that was my oldest in K. To a T. With all of the listed problems (except hyperactive). He is also on the ASD spectrum. As bad as he was at school, it was 100x worse at home. And he was in counseling at age 5. Never heard of twice gifted, though.
I second (and third) EVERYTHING Tawaki said. In second grade he had a teacher that did everything listed here, and he FINALLY started coming around. It took a long time, but it worked.
Please don't give up on him. Everyone has given up on him, and he needs someone who won't.
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Tawaki
Old 05-01-2019, 06:05 PM
 
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Tawaki, you are a gold mine. I need to take everything you just wrote and keep it in my plan book . You keep it totally real and offer positive and realistic advice.


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Also agree with Tawaki
Old 05-01-2019, 08:13 PM
 
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I have done the exact same with some of the most severe behavior students- it truly works.
No emotion, that only makes it worse. Structure, routines, and consistency

Unfortunately, there have been a few students that I worked so hard with and they were being successful, only to have them go on to the next grade and it all fell apart. I guess thatís another vent though.
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Lanieob Lanieob is offline
 
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Old 05-02-2019, 02:37 AM
 
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Thanks Tawaki! Great information- you are also are so, so funny and a great writer! I will definitely Google all your info and educate myself further. Been a tough year- he is definitely not the getting the help he needs. We do have lots of supports available at my school- behaviorist, psychologist, etc.- but the mother has been very reluctant and dismissive in regards to getting help- boys will be boys, etc. She just does not want him to be labeled I think, because of the older brother. He does get OT to help him with regulation issues- but it is not having much of an effect. Yesterday- day 145- he once again had to sit out during Gym and watch the other kids participate- the Gym teacher does ignore him during this time. It's hard to figure out what a kid could be getting out of that- no attention, no fun- it just continues over and over- all day long. I will definitely give your ideas a try-thank you so very much!
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