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Omg!
Old 06-14-2019, 01:40 PM
  #1

DDIL just called us! She was on FB and went to DD's (age 19) 58 y/o's boyfriend's page. He has me blocked so I cannot get on his page. DDIL sent me the screenshot. On his page, 2/17 of this year, he announced their engagement! She communicates a lot for which we are so grateful, but never mentioned this probably because she knows how we feel about him. There is a pic of the 2 of them and she has posted a message about how much she loves him. He is into drugs, alcohol, had sex with her when she was 17 (yes we reported it then), etc. I know that nothing may ever come of this, but it just makes me sick to think about it. I also wonder how much of this is related to his mental control over her.

Thanks for listening!

Nancy


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Old 06-14-2019, 01:42 PM
  #2

OMG is right!!! (((Hugs))) to you, Nancy!
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Old 06-14-2019, 01:45 PM
  #3

Oh no! So is your DD's FB blocked to you too or she just didn't have the engagement news on her page?
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Old 06-14-2019, 01:46 PM
  #4

Praying for you and the family.
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Old 06-14-2019, 01:47 PM
  #5

Iím so sorry, Nancy.


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Old 06-14-2019, 01:49 PM
  #6

Iím praying for you and your daughter.
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I am so sorry Nancy
Old 06-14-2019, 02:04 PM
  #7

I know your heart is breaking over this. I am sending up prayers for you and your daughter.
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Old 06-14-2019, 02:31 PM
  #8

Oh, Nancy, such sad news! I will certainly pray.
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Old 06-14-2019, 02:39 PM
  #9

I'm sorry to hear this news. My thoughts are with you.
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Old 06-14-2019, 02:44 PM
  #10

What a shock! Iím sorry and sending you a huge hug!


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Old 06-14-2019, 03:00 PM
  #11

So sorry! You are in my thoughts.
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Old 06-14-2019, 03:26 PM
  #12

I am so sorry to hear this. It is so hard to be the parent and watch this happening.

My stepdaughter has made some terrible choices to remain married to a man 13 years her senior. Her story is the stuff of Lifetime movies, minus the happy ending. But, she always says: he married me. he loves me. Marriage is control for him.

My DH says that it's like she joined a cult and we can't get her deprogrammed. We keep our door open to her, and hope that someday (soon) she will see beyond him and take one of the lifelines that are offered to her. But, we can't control what she does. We can only pray for her safety and for her to find the courage to leave him.

You are not alone. I will include your daughter in my prayers and hopes when I pray for my stepdaughter.
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Old 06-14-2019, 04:02 PM
  #13

Nancy, I am so very sorry to hear this. I am sending you and your DD lots of good thoughts during this hard time.
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Old 06-14-2019, 04:43 PM
  #14

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the heartache this must cause. Sending love and hugs your way.
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Old 06-14-2019, 04:48 PM
  #15

Oh Nancy, I canít imagine how you and your DH are feeling right now. Iím sending you (((hugs))) and caring thoughts.
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I have no words.
Old 06-14-2019, 05:16 PM
  #16

Sorry to hear the situation is continuing. She must be completely brainwashed by him.
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Old 06-14-2019, 05:39 PM
  #17

Such shocking newsó- sorry Nancy that you found out even more information.
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Old 06-14-2019, 06:13 PM
  #18

I'm so sorry, Nancy.
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SO sorry!
Old 06-14-2019, 06:33 PM
  #19

Nancy, I am so sorry to hear this! Maybe it will never come to fruition. Is your DD happy when you speak to her? Is she safe? Prayers for you all.
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Old 06-14-2019, 06:47 PM
  #20

Im so sorry. I hope that something or someone will be able to help her to "see the light " soon.
Hugs to you !
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Old 06-14-2019, 07:30 PM
  #21

Oh wow. It makes me sick to think about, too. I'm so sad.
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Old 06-15-2019, 05:31 AM
  #22

I know someone in a similar situation.

The DD is in early 20s and he is in late 40s, at the youngest. They're getting married in 2 weeks and the parents are throwing the wedding. They're not happy with child's choice so not much happiness there, but still doing a full wedding for her. I don't know that I could do it.
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Old 06-15-2019, 06:59 AM
  #23

This entire situation has been so difficult for you and your dh. I hope you both have found ways to deal with the weight of the many worries.
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That's a whole lot of yuck
Old 06-15-2019, 11:55 AM
  #24

My 19 year old nephew, who never dated throughout middle school/high school, got married to a 30 year old woman this year. She has two kids ages 2 and 4 (not his). Didn't tell his mom or dad. She lives at her mom's home still (WTF?), and he is couch surfing until they can get an apartment together. The questions of WTF are beyond numerous. His dad (I think) knows. His mother does not. Huge long back story of why that is possible. That's for another post.

I met my nephew after not seeing him for 8 months. He first brought up his wife couldn't come. I can't assume wife is female, so I said I was sorry about missing his spouse. This was all via text.

Well..the little twit peeled like an onion. What made me sad was seeing his very nice wedding pictures. I would have loved to have been there. I wouldn't have talked smack. I could have properly congratulated him and his wife. What did he tells his spouse's family? Not all his relatives would have rage.

My sister would have went Death Con 5 if she knew. Believe, me in my head would have give Buffy a BC two hander* to the head, and yelled "WTF woman? Really?". She has an office job. She doesn't seem like grifting idiot. My nephew works as a delivery person. It's not money or she needs citizenship. Are people trolling young 20s because the sex usually disease free and the person usually isn't 2 mommy babies deep? He acts 19. I don't get it, but not my circus, not my monkeys.

I did tell him, Biff at 18 you were legally an adult. You don't have to hid sh*t like you are 12. Start acting like an husband, and not a scared kid. His wife seems normal enough. No clue on what's with the kids. I really don't need to know either.

I had another cousin (bipolar/alcoholic) marry an alcoholic/substance abusing 50 year old internist. She was 19. #UGH. I think they were dating on down low when she was a high school volunteer. That was back in the early 80s. People are so messy, and that marriage lasted 4 years with two kids thrown into the mix.

Your DD's hubby to be is acting like a toddler, and that is not an attractive look on a man. She 19. Legally she can do whatever the hell she wants. Whether dear mom and dear dad agree means nothing. I would not betray DDIL's confidence. At least you have some sort of in with her. I might also have it trickle back that you'd like to share in her happiness. Yes, I know this guy is a gross chode of the first order, and I wish I could throttle him for you too. Remember gentle little water trickles can carve into granite. You can still influence without being dynamite.

This may be nothing. You can go to city hall anytime to get married. Why the wait, especially since he's freezing out mom and dad? Maybe the engagement is a bone to keep stringing DD along.

At least you know. I hope she grows a spine and he moves on.

*https://www.urbandictionary.com/defi...C%202%20hander
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Old 06-15-2019, 02:08 PM
  #25

Iím sorry, Nancy. I know how upsetting this is for you. Hoping for the best.
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