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Why ask my opinion if you donít listen?
Old 04-08-2019, 03:00 PM
  #1

I have a friend who regularly and routinely calls and asks my opinion and then completely ignores, disregards or flat out argues with what I say.

Itís annoying and disrespectful. Iím so over it.


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Old 04-08-2019, 03:16 PM
  #2

I hate that! And then there are the “friends” who don’t answer what you asked or adroitly circle the subject. Is this a dialog or a script designed to make you queen?
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Old 04-08-2019, 03:26 PM
  #3

I had a crappy day today and wasnít very nice when we played this ďgameĒ this game tonight.
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Old 04-08-2019, 03:47 PM
  #4

Sometimes when someone asks for opinions, they really are looking for confirmation of their own ideas. When that doesn't come, they try to find ways to make their own idea still "right" in the eyes of others. Doesn't make it easier to deal with or sympathize, but I see it all the time on PT. I have been the brunt of it more than once (back in the dealing with my dd's issues). I don't post those kind of questions because I learn from my mistakes. . If I really want advice, I will ask. If I just want to feel better about my own decisions, I rely on the consequences to provide them rather than going to people.

Sometimes, even when you know your own choice isn't the best/most proficient/or right, it is still the decision you are going to make. We all do it to some degree.
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Old 04-08-2019, 04:05 PM
  #5

I donít even mind that she doesnít take my advice because I get that sometimes people are just looking for different points of view itís that:
1) she does it all the time
2) sheís so condescending about it
3) other people will tell her the same thing I did and suddenly itís a great idea (this is what bothers me the most).


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Old 04-08-2019, 04:13 PM
  #6

Oh not only would I have stopped giving her my opinion when she asks, I'd stop being friends with her altogether. Are you done giving advice OR done being friends? What nerve she has to be condescending towards you!
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Old 04-08-2019, 04:23 PM
  #7

So..the next time she asks, say, "What does it matter?"
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Old 04-08-2019, 04:28 PM
  #8

Quote:
3) other people will tell her the same thing I did and suddenly itís a great idea (this is what bothers me the most).
That would be most annoying! That used to happen to me all the time when I worked in a male-dominated field.

You need to make a deal with yourself, and you should talk about it with your friend BEFORE she asks your opinion again. If she asks your opinion and she is going to be rude about it, give yourself permission to stop the conversation. My dh and I have done that about a couple of things that always end badly for both of us. We agreed about how we could handle it when we were NOT in the middle of a similar thing, and now either one of us can stop the conversation without causing a scene or additional stress. It works well to give the other person the option to change their behavior while giving the person caught in the ongoing and repeating disfunction an out and a way to get out without causing stress. It has actually helped my dh and I to be able to look at our (bad) behavior and change it if we can.
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Old 04-08-2019, 05:23 PM
  #9

I agree. I had a family member (non-educator) call today for some educational advice/insight and then talked over me the whole time and disagreed with me. Um ok. Well, just call and say I want to tell you what I’m thinking and not say you are calling for my advice. ��
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yes!
Old 04-08-2019, 05:28 PM
  #10

It's happened to me. I think your friend doesn't want advice, she wants a sounding board. If your opinion is different, she gets to defend/argue her point. Next time let her rail on, then ask why she asked for your thoughts.


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Old 04-08-2019, 07:14 PM
  #11

I think she's just decided she'll do the opposite of whatever you say. So I'd start giving her the opposite advice. Go for it, puppet master!

That sounds super annoying. I'd be over that pretty quickly. I'm over that pretty quickly when it happens on the board (although it can be entertaining ).
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Some people talk
Old 04-08-2019, 08:51 PM
  #12

just to hear themselves. Sometimes it is this...
Quote:
Sometimes when someone asks for opinions, they really are looking for confirmation of their own ideas. When that doesn't come, they try to find ways to make their own idea still "right" in the eyes of others.
Other times they are just bouncing ideas around...and it turns out your actual advice is ignored but talking through it with you helps her form her own plan.

Sometimes we have difficulty making decisions ourselves. They say that if you are undecided about something, flip a coin. MOST of the time, while the coin is in the air, you realize that you are hoping it falls a certain way.
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Next Time...
Old 04-09-2019, 11:03 AM
  #13

"Sorry, I can't give you my opinion on your issue because you never take it anyway."

End of conversation...
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