Here’s my dilemna - long - ProTeacher Community




Home Join Now Search My Favorites
Help


      Teachers' Lounge


Here’s my dilemna - long

>

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Keltikmom's Avatar
Keltikmom Keltikmom is offline
 
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 8,239
Senior Member

Keltikmom
 
Keltikmom's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 8,239
Senior Member
Here’s my dilemna - long
Old 06-07-2019, 08:54 AM
  #1

In April, I co hosted a baby shower at my house for cousin’s DIL. Let’s call this cousin Susie. Susie’s sister (Annie) was second host, and Susie’s SIL from other side of her family was third cohost (Mabel).

Annie lives out of state, but came down for a meeting with her sister and myself and we planned the shower. Annie is a control freak...even more than me. I let her do her thing since it’s her nephew having baby.

At end of shower, Annie, Mabel and I sit down to tally up cost. Mabel, who is a bit...odd... says we each owe her $2.00 for the balloons she bought. Done.

Susie then tells Mabel,how much she owes us. At that point, I don’t remember what happened. Susie never told me what I owed her. She initially paid for all the food.

Next thing I know, my entire house is cleaned up and she has left. I haven’t heard boo from her since. I’ve tried and no response.

Last night DH and Susie’s DH had dinner. Susie’s Dh tells my Dh the reason Annie is mad at me is because at end ofmshower I said “I guess we’re even then” and walked away. I do not remember.

I’m not supposed to know about this.

But,if we weren’t even, shouldn’t she have said something right then and there????

So, do I let this go or find a creative way to tell her “it occurred to me I never paid for my half of the caterer. I think I got distracted. What do I owe you?”

Im annoyed that she is so passive aggressive.


Keltikmom is offline   Reply With Quote

Kenziekeeper2 Kenziekeeper2 is offline
 
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 32
Junior Member

Kenziekeeper2
 
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 32
Junior Member
Offer
Old 06-07-2019, 08:59 AM
  #2

Yes, I think you need to offer somehow! Was there discussion ahead of time on splitting the cost of the food or was it agreed that using your house was your contribution?
Kenziekeeper2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Coopsgrammy's Avatar
Coopsgrammy Coopsgrammy is online now
 
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 4,210
Senior Member

Coopsgrammy
 
Coopsgrammy's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 4,210
Senior Member
shower
Old 06-07-2019, 09:03 AM
  #3

I would probably mention that I had forgotten...I avoid discord at all cost.
Coopsgrammy is online now   Reply With Quote
Keltikmom's Avatar
Keltikmom Keltikmom is offline
 
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 8,239
Senior Member

Keltikmom
 
Keltikmom's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 8,239
Senior Member
Kenzie
Old 06-07-2019, 09:17 AM
  #4

There was certainly a discussion about splitting it three ways.
Keltikmom is offline   Reply With Quote
SDT's Avatar
SDT SDT is online now
 
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,634
Senior Member

SDT
 
SDT's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,634
Senior Member

Old 06-07-2019, 09:58 AM
  #5

Could she have thought it was understood that you and Mabel both owed the same amount? Maybe when she gave Mabel an amount she thought she was telling you both???

Anyway, I would call and leave a message saying that you’ve tried to reach her a couple of times bc you need to see how much you owe her for the shower and please call you as soon as she can.


SDT is online now   Reply With Quote
knit1purl2 knit1purl2 is online now
 
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 637
Senior Member

knit1purl2
 
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 637
Senior Member
White lie might ease it
Old 06-07-2019, 11:28 AM
  #6

I would say you were looking over your checkbook balance and noticed that a check was missing. Did you get the check I mailed? I will put a stop payment and send another. Remind me the amount please.

Sometimes a little story or lie makes everything go much easier and relationships can mend.
knit1purl2 is online now   Reply With Quote
Keltikmom's Avatar
Keltikmom Keltikmom is offline
 
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 8,239
Senior Member

Keltikmom
 
Keltikmom's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 8,239
Senior Member
Knit1purl2
Old 06-07-2019, 11:53 AM
  #7

I am thinking along those lines. The issue is, I’m not supposed to know she’s po’d at me and I never sent her any money.

I thought I would send a check with a note that says “ I was cleaning out my files from the shower and noticed I never found out how much I owed you. Here’s $x. Sorry for the long delay.”

And completely ignore the elephant in the room - that I’m not supposed to know about this. I figure she’s so passive aggressive she probably told her sister, who,told her husband who,told my husband who,told me so,that I would hear the story...just not from her.
Keltikmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Gromit's Avatar
Gromit Gromit is offline
 
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,036
Senior Member

Gromit
 
Gromit's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,036
Senior Member

Old 06-07-2019, 01:49 PM
  #8

I'd probably say "[Susie's DH] let us know that you were upset about me owing you money. I'm sorry there was miscommunication. I hadn't heard from you about how much I owed, so I assumed you had decided to take care of it. Let me know the amount and I'll get that to you ASAP."

This is true and polite without taking on more responsibility for the error than is actually yours.

If Susie's DH wasn't supposed to tell, then he's in the wrong. If she was letting him know to be the little bird, then you're letting her know you're on to her.
Gromit is offline   Reply With Quote
Gromit's Avatar
Gromit Gromit is offline
 
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,036
Senior Member

Gromit
 
Gromit's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,036
Senior Member

Old 06-07-2019, 01:52 PM
  #9

On a total side note, I'm so happy to see you spell dilemma as dilemna!! I swear I was taught to spell it that way, and pretty much everyone tells me I am crazy and that dilemma was never spelled dilemna. I've only ever met one person who agrees that, in the 70s, that's how schoolchildren were taught to spell dilemma!
Gromit is offline   Reply With Quote
GraceKrispy's Avatar
GraceKrispy GraceKrispy is online now
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 37,458
Blog Entries: 1
Senior Member

GraceKrispy
 
GraceKrispy's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 37,458
Senior Member

Old 06-08-2019, 12:01 PM
  #10

I agree with contacting her and I'd probably be upfront as Gromit suggested. I don't have time to play games.

Quote:
On a total side note, I'm so happy to see you spell dilemma as dilemna!! I swear I was taught to spell it that way, and pretty much everyone tells me I am crazy and that dilemma was never spelled dilemna. I've only ever met one person who agrees that, in the 70s, that's how schoolchildren were taught to spell dilemma!
Was I the other person?? I thought it was dilemna, too! (my computer doesn't, and it keeps correcting it)


GraceKrispy is online now   Reply With Quote
Keltikmom's Avatar
Keltikmom Keltikmom is offline
 
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 8,239
Senior Member

Keltikmom
 
Keltikmom's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 8,239
Senior Member
Dilemna
Old 06-08-2019, 12:05 PM
  #11

Still thinking about it. My biggest concern is that she will know how I found out and that could cause a fight between her, her sister, and her bil.

My DH suggest I email her and say something like “hey...did I do something to upset you? I haven’t heard from you since the day of the shower.”
Keltikmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Gromit's Avatar
Gromit Gromit is offline
 
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,036
Senior Member

Gromit
 
Gromit's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,036
Senior Member

Old 06-08-2019, 01:38 PM
  #12

Quote:
Was I the other person?? I thought it was dilemna, too! (my computer doesn't, and it keeps correcting it)
No! So now I know THREE people with you, Keltikmom, and my original person.

I've asked about it on PT before, and I've asked about it on my FB, and I ask about it whenever somebody says the word dilemma/dilemna to me in person.
Gromit is offline   Reply With Quote
GraceKrispy's Avatar
GraceKrispy GraceKrispy is online now
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 37,458
Blog Entries: 1
Senior Member

GraceKrispy
 
GraceKrispy's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 37,458
Senior Member

Old 06-08-2019, 02:50 PM
  #13

keltikmom, that is probably what I would end up doing, although I would want to do as Gromit suggested (and I think it's a good way to go about it). Do you think she would come clean about what it is that is bothering her?
GraceKrispy is online now   Reply With Quote
Lottalove's Avatar
Lottalove Lottalove is offline
 
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 6,741
Senior Member

Lottalove
 
Lottalove's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 6,741
Senior Member
How about a compromise on this...
Old 06-09-2019, 10:17 AM
  #14

Quote:
I'd probably say "[Susie's DH] let us know that you were upset about me owing you money. I'm sorry there was miscommunication. I hadn't heard from you about how much I owed, so I assumed you had decided to take care of it. Let me know the amount and I'll get that to you ASAP."
You could just say Susie's DH mentioned it. Or the DHs were talking about the shower and it reminded you. WITHOUT saying he told that she was upset.

Does she usually contact you regularly? Do you guys have a relationship separate from the common in laws? If so, it is worth fixing.
Lottalove is offline   Reply With Quote
kahluablast's Avatar
kahluablast kahluablast is online now
 
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 18,368
Senior Member

kahluablast
 
kahluablast's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 18,368
Senior Member

Old 06-09-2019, 11:06 AM
  #15

I don't know why you have to mention the bit at all about her being tiffed at you. You feel like maybe you still owe her and it wasn't taken care of. Can't you just call/email/text and say that you didn't hear what you owed on the food so you can get her taken care of? There doesn't have to be a conversation about he said, she said, does there?

Don't assume she is mad. Just ask what you owe and get it taken care of. If she doesn't respond back, then forget about it. That is on her.
kahluablast is online now   Reply With Quote

Join the conversation! Post as a guest or become a member today. New members welcome!

Reply

 

>
Teachers' Lounge
Thread Tools




Sign Up Now

Sign Up FREE | ProTeacher Help | BusyBoard

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 03:38 PM.

Copyright © 2019 ProTeacher®
For individual use only. Do not copy, reproduce or transmit.
source: www.proteacher.net
14