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Lady Teacher Lady Teacher is offline
 
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girl drama and cliques
Old 12-12-2015, 04:27 PM
 
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I can't believe that I'm dealing with this in third grade. I have a group of 5 girls in my class that have become a little clique. They exclude other kids, decide what the color of the day is and if you aren't wearing that color then you can't play with them. They are a little posse and their parents are not much help. Two of the girls are cousins (we didn't know that when one girl moved here. We literally flipped a coin to decide whose third grade class she was in and if we would have known we would have switched them). Now what? I've talked to the girls, talked to parents, talked to principal, given consequences and nothing has changed it or helped. Any ideas?!?!? Thanks so much!


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Good Luck
Old 12-12-2015, 06:41 PM
 
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I know its not ideal but can you change the classes for the cousins? This is why uniforms are a good idea for schools, no color of the day.

Are you able to pull the girls in from recess 1 day and speak to them about what they are doing and how its not nice to exclude others.

I wish you could exclude them from activities because of the color they are wearing and not have any of the other students play with them. This would be similar to what Jane Elliot did in her brown/blue eyes experiment. Its an eye opener.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRnRIC9JQTQ
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Counselor
Old 12-12-2015, 07:39 PM
 
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Have you involved the counselor? He/she may have some good ideas that you can use or can work with the clique or the targets. Just a thought.
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Old 12-13-2015, 06:16 AM
 
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Try reading some books on respect and behavior. The Recess Queen comes to mind. They may realize themselves in the behavior of the characters and change. I had a similar group a few years ago, it's very draining!
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Mean Me...
Old 12-13-2015, 07:25 AM
 
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I had similar problems. Yes...they did visit with the counselor...but not together. Each child had to bring another child (not one of the clique) to lunch with the counselor where they played a board game the counselor had made about friendship.

I put the girls on daily notes for awhile. Some days it was better...other days not so good.

I then began filling the parent's email box with daily reports...very detailed. Of course, some parents were concerned, while others just didn't take it too seriously. All the talking in the world at home did not change much because the child would come to school and be influenced by the clique, completely forgetting the message the parents discussed.

Finally, I solved it by being mean...they could not play together for a day...not sit with or speak to each other in the classroom...no contact in the lunchroom or on the playground.

It worked pretty well for a few of them. For the others, the time was extended to a week.

You can bet the other students reported if they saw any of them talking or playing with each other...good for them!!

I also made sure that anything on the report card that had to do with respect or friendship got a very low grade with a looong explanation in the comment section.

I also kept detailed documentation, and the principal brought each child to the office to review it and speak with the child...very firmly, very seriously. Scared the living daylights out of a few of them! Then he called parents to let them know how serious the problem was.

The clique was much better after that!

P. S. We made sure that the next year the clique was split as much as possible.


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Old 12-13-2015, 07:45 AM
 
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I also think if your school has a social worker, he or she might be a good resource for you to ask for help. I've involved both in my bullying issues and they both have different, but good ideas.
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Old 12-13-2015, 09:04 AM
 
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Separate the girls as much as possible. No sitting together in class, no group projects or activities with each other , no lunch at the same table, or recess together.
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Time for a class unit
Old 12-13-2015, 09:22 AM
 
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On bullying. Pinterest and Google for ideAs. Play up participation by bystanders. Define beHaviors clearly: teasing, argument, mean moment, bullying. Read books, watch videos like on brain pop, etc. hold everyone accountable for upholding class pledge of friendship.
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Old 12-13-2015, 09:29 AM
 
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How about praising the girls who are not in the clique by making positive comments on their clothing. " Jane, I really like that color, did you pick that out by yourself?" Do it to all the girls who are not wearing the color of the day. Choose only the non clique girls do be helpers or to do special projects with each other. "Mary and Dawn, I like the way you think and respect other's opinions. Can you two work on ----- so we can use it for our science lesson? "Grace and Jane, you are both really good at making sure everyone feels welcome/a part of the class. Can you both work together on a way to present/explain the steps to solving this math problem? When one of the clique girls dresses differently or makes and attempt to befriend a non clique girl then praise her. I wonder what would happen if you had the class fill out a likes/dislikes questionaire individually then comment on it. "Wow, a lot of you don't seem to like red, but you wear it all the time? Why is that? A Bad Case of Stripes is a good book about being yourself.
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clique
Old 12-13-2015, 11:06 AM
 
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I would not let these girls play together at all. They are not allowed to be together at recess, sit together at lunch, nothing. I'd make sure the specials teachers know this as well. Then I'd do my best to encourage other friendships. If you know 2 girls in your class share a common interest, really push it. Maybe have lunch bunches with different groups of girls with none of the girls in the clique coming to one together.


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Old 12-14-2015, 12:08 PM
 
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They know it's not nice. Bullying is a power thing. They feel powerful/superior when they are able to exclude someone, make someone cry, make a child do something, etc.

You have to:
-Disrupt their power cycle (exactly what people above are saying about separating them)
-Call the attention of the other kids to the behavior in a way that makes it clear that bullies are seeking power/control and that they don't have to give up their control of their own clothes/behavior (unit on bullying based on maintaining your own control rather than giving up control to a bully)
-Provide them with some kind of substitute way to get that feeling (what are they good at? make one the 'how to draw a dog' tutor and another the head library book sorter or whatever) so they are seeking it from a positive source

Nothing about bullies being mean or jealous. The bullies already know they're mean, it feels good to them so "don't be mean" is meaningless. The whole 'they're jealous' thing is silly, they're not jealous, they're drunk on power.
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