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New mom anxiety
Old 08-18-2013, 08:32 AM
  #1

I am a new mom with a 2 week old. I am having major anxiety about everything! It seems so overwhelming and I get so many doubts about my ability to care for this little human. On top of it I have this anxiety that he is going to get sick bc we have had a lot of visitors the past couple weeks ( everyone washed hands and no one had a cold who came over) but I just don't even want to leave the house. And any sound he makes at night I think he's stopped breathing or is choking. I am having so much trouble. Please either give me advice or make me feel like all this is normal. I feel like I'm going out of my mind. On top of it I am worrying about my own recovery. My stitches from my csection( will I bust them during a bm?) my boobs hurting, and my issues with constipation/hemerroids. Ugh and yuck.


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Old 08-18-2013, 08:39 AM
  #2

It's completely normal. You're probably also going out of your mind. I am kidding...but to reassure you, all of these are normal thoughts to have and yet none of these things is likely to happen. Having a baby is a huge responsibility. Two weeks out, I was still relatively hormonal in a weepy, OMG how am I gonna manage kinda way? I remember bursting into tears in a Walmart parking lot with my mom and saying, I don't know how I'm going to manage she is still little and vulnerable.
The truth is you take the precautions you can (washing hands, no sick visitors). You might even want to stay home for a while. But not forever! You both need to leave the house---mom so you can get out and live your life, baby so he can experience the world!
It does get easier, your feelings are normal, you'll both survive. Don't forget to ask for help. People love to help and new moms deserve a break.
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Old 08-18-2013, 08:39 AM
  #3

Okay, first of all, LOSE THE GUILT! It will only add to your anxiety. Your son will get sick. Comforting? Not really, but it will happen. The only thing you might be able to do to prevent it is to completely isolate yourselves, but then his immune system wouldn't work well when coming into contact with the world. All these little colds and such build up his immune system. He's little enough you will be able to hold and comfort him through the sickness. It's okay to ask visitors to wash their hands!

Babies make lots of noises and gurgles. It's okay to reassure yourself and touch his tummy to make sure he's breathing. You need to get sleep too though. I always sleep better knowing someone else is "keeping their eyes out" for one of my children. My sleep in the early days didn't always happen at night, but I always dealt with EVERYTHING better getting a few hours of sleep in.

Give yourself time! You are doing just fine. This is all normal. It will be okay!

Last edited by teacherpippi; 08-18-2013 at 12:40 PM..
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You and me, both!!
Old 08-18-2013, 08:43 AM
  #4

My new little DD is 10 days old today, and I am right there with you. I feel like even when I should be sleeping, I'm not because I'm listening for all the little sounds of her breathing, and any gasp or hiccup has me wide awake. When I sneeze, I'm worried all my guts will fall out of my csection incision, and jeez louise, when will the bleeding stop??

Are you breast feeding or using formula? I know my lactation counselor said that if you nurse, the likelihood of the baby getting sick from things like visitors in your home is pretty slim, so that would be good for you! I know it felt like we had an open house yesterday!

I hope you have some good support! My mom has been here for a week (she lives ~5-6 hours away), and she's leaving today, which has me a little devastated, but my dad is here now for a week. I'm very anxious about what is going to happen when I'm home alone while DH is at work and the helpers are all gone!

PM me if you ever need to talk/vent.
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Old 08-18-2013, 08:44 AM
  #5

This is normal...I was the same way with my first child. After being home daily with the baby, it was almost a treat to get out and go the store on my own to get diapers or what ever...but then I would find myself rushing to get back home worrying because my husband may not be "doing it right." And I remember the first time my husband and I went out after having the baby (just dinner at a local restaurant) and my mom and brother were babysitting. My mom told us to both relax, take our time, have fun and NOT to worry. I called them from the restaurant before we even ordered and we both stuffed our faces and rushed back home. The second child was much easier and we were able to actually enjoy our special "us" time when we had the chance. It will get easier and try not to beat yourself up about how you are feeling. This is a wonderful, but HUGE change in your life.


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Old 08-18-2013, 10:47 AM
  #6

comparing your description to when I had kids, that is not normal. Just check with your doctor, I know there are varying degrees of normal.

When I didn't want to leave the house, I had depression.
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Old 08-18-2013, 10:55 AM
  #7

I think what you are feeling is pretty normal for the first couple weeks after having a baby. It's such a huge change and your hormones are still off. If it continues much longer I'd talk with your doctor just to be sure. I know it seems easier to stay home, but definitely try to get out. Maybe go for a short walk (I didn't have a c-section so I'm not sure about limitations). Eventually you'll be able to sleep through some of the weird noises babies make! You're exactly the person your DS needs, try not to doubt yourself!
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Call your doctor
Old 08-18-2013, 11:10 AM
  #8

What do you call "major anxiety"? Honestly, I would call my doctor. To me, your fears seem excessive (and I was a mess after I had DS). I would have mild panic attacks whenever we had to take DS out of the house. My best friend did too and she was prescribed a minimal dose of anxiety medication. If your anxiety is interfering in your ability to take care of your son and/or yourself, call your doctor! Don't suffer.

I was shocked at how much DS moved when he slept and yes, for a few days, I would wake up in a panic to see if he was still breathing. Wait until he sleeps 8 hours in a row and you wake up in a panic because he hasn't woken up. DH still teases me about that one.

I completely remember the not wanting to leave the house. I distinctly remember telling DH that no, I didn't want to leave the house because people out there had GERMS.

If you DS gets sick, he gets sick. It's going to happen eventually. It sounds like you did everything you can do to protect him from getting sick though with the hand washing and cold police.

It gets better. I swear I didn't believe anyone when they told me that the first few weeks, but it does! Don't waste these previous weeks with your baby being anxious and upset when you could be enjoying him. If that means medication, so be it.
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yes you are normal
Old 08-18-2013, 12:10 PM
  #9

and everything you described sounds familiar to me. I didn't have any C sections, but until your body is pain free I wouldn't want to be going anywhere anyway. I remember how long it took me to actually leave my house when I had decided to go out with my first baby.

I like that you found a penpal if you with in one of your replies. Having another mom who is at the same stage of the journey into motherhood should be a great comfort and help to you. I also like that at least two of your replies said to check with your doctor regarding your anxiety.

It is normal to want to stay home when you have a newborn baby. Babies are not that delicate they will cry when they need something from you. You will learn how to care for your baby. It is an on-the-job learned thing. I hope your husband is a team player in this with you, because I don't think it is nice to have to do it all alone. My husband was the best and I wouldn't have had kids without the knowledge that he would be the Dad. I hope you have a guy like this.

btw, she never mentioned having any guilt, she said anxiety. I think it is careful to read the original post very carefully.

I hope you are enjoying your baby!
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Old 08-18-2013, 12:50 PM
  #10

Happygal, you're right. She didn't mention guilt. I was reading between the lines that she felt guilty for being so anxious. My only thought was to reassure. I didn't mean to cause more issues.


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Old 08-18-2013, 01:18 PM
  #11

You sound pretty normal to me! We have 3 and our youngest is 14, so its been awhile. But something that comes to mind with our first is the night we were out and on our way home our then 7 month old DS fell asleep. It was past his usual bedtime so DH insisted we just carry him to bed. I literally worried myself into a frenzy that night because we hadn't brushed his few little teeth and read a story to him! I had visions of cavities forming in his mouth overnight, rotten teeth and him having to repeat Kindergarten! It gets easier, it really does. As for going out or having visitors in, try not to worry too much about that. He should still have plenty of your immunities! Once he gets a little older a cold now and then is actually a good thing because it will help him build up his own immune system. As for breathing at night, when DD would sleep in no position but on her tummy at the age of 6 weeks I did some research. I found SIDS rates were not even close to half a percent, even for tummy sleeping babies! That helped me to rest a lot easier!

Enjoy you're baby! They grow so fast!


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Old 08-18-2013, 04:40 PM
  #12

Hey TC!
Have you checked out the Angel Care monitor? I don't have one, but two of my friends have them. They both loved them for their newborns. They alert you if the baby rolls around or stops breathing. That might make you feel better.
I actually found that when I turned the monitor down, I slept better. You will hear him if he cries, but if you turn the volume down, you won't hear every tiny noise. I also slept much better when we put our little girl into her crib. She was perfectly fine in there, even though she seemed so tiny at first.
Your stitches won't burst when you have a bm. They're strong. Have you tried adding some extra fiber to your diet? That will help you go. Going the bathroom after having a baby is scary! I had no idea it would be so scary. You may want to try a laxative to make it a little easier. (I know that's gross, sorry!)
He will get sick eventually, but it sounds like you're nursing. Breast milk has so many antibodies that will protect him from getting sick. He'll be fine if you take him to the store or out for a walk. Fresh air is so good for babies.

Hang in there! Being a new mom is the hardest thing. We're here for you!
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Old 08-18-2013, 07:09 PM
  #13

The Angelcare. We have one and it was the BEST baby item we bought. Our son will be 1 next week. It was the only way I was able to get any sleep. Your feelings sound normal. I also had a c section. Your hormones are going haywire right now. Plus, lack of sleep. I read somewhere a new moms brain actually changes to be hyper vigilant to protect the new baby.

If it doesn't get better in a month or so I'd see your dr just in case. I had intrusive thoughts and obsessive anxiety, and was diagnosed as post partum OCD. I was given meds and am feeling a lot better. I wish I'd have went in sooner.
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Old 08-18-2013, 07:13 PM
  #14

And I pumped and he had breast milk for the first couple months, and has yet to get sick, if that makes you feel better.

Be sure you relax (I know, hard to do...) and rest. Your body needs to recover from major surgery. I was up at the nicu every day and didn't rest like I should've and my recovery took longer. Let your husband help, and take advantage of visitors to help you around the house.
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