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My Brother Died
Old 06-30-2012, 02:55 AM
 
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I've been up since getting a phone call from the police at 12 am telling me my brother killed himself and was found in his house. I just feel the need to type this out since that's how I think best. I won't go back over this for editing so please excuse what is sure to be many mistakes.

The call was surreal. The person on the phone gave me a file number and the name of someone who is named at the executor of his will. As my wife said, it's very strange he had a will. He didn't seem like someone who would have one. I have no idea who this person is. I was given the phone number of this person's father to contact if I wish. I was also given the number of his last ex-wife at her request that I have it. I was also told that an autopsy would be likely and then I was asked if I had seen him recently. No. Not for several years. I did say though that I had driven by his home in recent months and it looked vacant. The woman told me that he was found inside his home. And that's it. That's how that kind of conversation goes in these circumstances, I guess.

Chuck's been on my mind quite a bit recently. A few years ago we stopped talking - again. I couldn't take the stress of him and his problems while dealing with my own. He was really broke and constantly asking for money. He never cared that I was out of work and had a family of my own to take care of. Mercifully he cut off contact once again, but it was more of a mutual thing.

I feel sad about this tonight. I'm not asking for any sympathies on here. I don't think they're warranted. We weren't as close as brothers should be. It's painful to me to say that he was my half-brother. Something I didn't learn until well into my adulthood. I've always thought of him as my brother, but he was always quick to correct others and point out we were just half-brothers. It always stung each time he said it.

My brother wasn't a good person. He just wasn't. He was sixteen years older than I am, but never seemed to grow up and embrace adulthood. He never wanted a real job. In fact he worked extremely hard to scrape by so he never had to succumb to such an awful fate of working 9-5. He used people for his own purposes and was a master of manipulation. He had quite a knack for doing someone wrong and then convincing them it was actually their own failing that was the root of the problem.

Soon after getting the phone call I spent time on Google searching him out to see what remnants of his life could be found. It's actually a search that I have done about once a month or so just to see if anything was going on with him and truthfully, to see if there was any news of his death. I just expected it somehow, but no clairvoyance there. I just worried about him. I did drive by his home from time to time. Usually from great distance, but most recently I worked up the nerve to actually drive down his street. It really did look vacant to me. I had wondered who he was living with and how badly he was driving them crazy.

Tonight on the internet I see the link for him on Facebook. I've clicked on that before. I don't do Facebook so I can't see more info. I also see several photos and videos of him with the only thing he truly loved - his purple Rolls Royce abomination. His prized off-road vehicle that got him noticed wherever he went.

In his youth he was a stunt driver. I searched for that on Youtube. I only see one old video of him doing a jump at Ontario Motor Speedway. A track no longer in existence. Boring. I never saw the point of doing any of that. Thankfully most of his life spent in that pursuit was during the time he hid from the family for many years. I tried searching for his infamous jump at the Astrodome, but that doesn't seem to be in existence. That's fine, I don't really care about it. Just wanted to see it. I did see one interview from a magazine from many years back. I don't know why that's even on the internet. It's always baffled me.

And that's it. There's nothing more to see or learn from the internet. I had been in contact with his last wife via email for the last few years. Sort of like two survivors sharing some sort of bond. I would email her right now, but I lost the address when my last computer crashed. I will call her later in the morning and see what she knows. As for the name I was given who is his executor. I don't know who he is and I doubt I will call. Actually, call his father, I guess. I'm actually not sure how to pursue any of this. He killed himself. Part of me wants to know how and how long ago. Did he leave a note? Was he ill? Drugs? I want to know, but then again I don't. I think unless someone actually seeks me out to tell me I won't try to find out. I'll just wonder. I'm good at that. My family is...no, was at this point. My family was all about secrets and distance and avoidance, etc. That is actually where my sadness comes from right now, I think. It's not normal to be like this. I've seen a therapist about this very issue. I don't want that trend to infringe upon my family now. So far it hasn't. At least not much, I think. Who knows.

Thanks for reading.


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Old 06-30-2012, 03:02 AM
 
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I am sorry for your loss. Sending prayers for you and your family during this most difficult and confusing time.
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Old 06-30-2012, 03:04 AM
 
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So sorry you are going through this. Life can be so hard sometimes. Prayers to you and your family that you find peace.
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Old 06-30-2012, 03:09 AM
 
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I know that you say you don't want sympathy on here but I am sending you mine. I'm sorry for your loss. Even when someone has caused us angst, even when we aren't that close, this is your brother and on some level you mourn that loss. You may not have known him well but there is a sadness for the loss. I will pray that you have some peace in this situation. It sounds like he was in pain so he caused others pain. I'm sorry about that.
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Loss
Old 06-30-2012, 03:13 AM
 
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Sending hugs--I know you said you don't want sympathy-but it is nice to know some people truly care. I am so sorry for this difficult time--I am glad you have the wife you do...I am sending prayers for peace for you and your family too.


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Old 06-30-2012, 03:23 AM
 
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I am sorry to hear the sad news about your brother.
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Old 06-30-2012, 03:23 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss.
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Old 06-30-2012, 03:24 AM
 
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I have no words of advice or anything witty to say. But I feel I should at last say something.
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So sorry
Old 06-30-2012, 03:28 AM
 
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I am sorry for your loss. Even though he wasn't much of a brother to you, this is still a difficult thing to have to deal with. You are in my prayers.
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Old 06-30-2012, 03:35 AM
 
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Sorry to hear that. Hope you find the answers you are looking for. Take care!


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Old 06-30-2012, 03:46 AM
 
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Wow. It's sad when the gift of life is wasted for whatever reason .
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Old 06-30-2012, 03:52 AM
 
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Hugs and prayers for you.
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It's a shock
Old 06-30-2012, 03:54 AM
 
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Even when we're not close to someone, death often still comes as a shock to us. You grew up having a brother, and that's a deeply ingrained idea. Your brain will still need to process this event. I wish you strength as you come to terms with this.
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Old 06-30-2012, 03:55 AM
 
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Sorry about the sad news for you and your family.
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Sorry!!!
Old 06-30-2012, 03:56 AM
 
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How terrible! I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this! I'm glad that you see that having distance between family members is not ideal and that you are changing that with your own family! Your wife and son are very lucky to have you! I know you don't want sympathy, but -km glad you could turn to us and lean on us! Take care and we will be thinking of you over the next few weeks!
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Old 06-30-2012, 03:58 AM
 
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Hifi,
I am sending you thoughts and prayers today. Having an estranged brother, I know some of the feelings you write about. Regardless of the "peace" you've made with not speaking, loosing him is tragic and a blow to your system. You will need strength to grieve and move forward. I will be thinking of you at this difficult time.
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Old 06-30-2012, 04:00 AM
 
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I am so sorry Hifi. I have several estranged family members and I'm not sure how I'll feel when they die. I have no words of wisdom. I have prayed for you, that you will make peace with all of this.
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Old 06-30-2012, 04:02 AM
 
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My thoughts are with you today Hifi.
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Old 06-30-2012, 04:04 AM
 
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I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you get some peace.
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Loss
Old 06-30-2012, 04:06 AM
 
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Peace be with you, Hifi.
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So sorry to hear about your brother
Old 06-30-2012, 04:07 AM
 
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I heard that sometimes grieving what wasn't or what could have been is even harder than grieving someone you were close to. Sounds like a sad waste of a life.

You will not allow your family's history with secrets/distance/avoidance to infringe upon your lovely family. You are past that, you are better than that. That is not who you are.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts are you deal with this difficult situation.
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Old 06-30-2012, 04:07 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss. At times like this, there is not much to say but at least you know you are not alone. I do pray that you can find some peace and acceptance. You deserve that, Hifi.
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Sorry
Old 06-30-2012, 04:08 AM
 
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I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to solve the mysteries. I wish you peace.
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Old 06-30-2012, 04:09 AM
 
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So sorry for your loss. It seems these ones always hurt more. I'm so sorry.
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Old 06-30-2012, 04:11 AM
 
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Sorry you're going through this.
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Old 06-30-2012, 04:15 AM
 
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Sorry for all the pain you are going through. Will keep you in my thoughts.
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Old 06-30-2012, 04:16 AM
 
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Very sorry for your loss.
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Old 06-30-2012, 04:18 AM
 
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Sorry that this has happened
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Old 06-30-2012, 04:19 AM
 
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You're in my thoughts, Hifi.
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Old 06-30-2012, 04:30 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. You are in my thoughts.
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My sympathies
Old 06-30-2012, 04:33 AM
 
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I'm sorry Hifi. I hope you can find peace and closure.
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Old 06-30-2012, 04:40 AM
 
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I'm sorry you are going through something so painful.
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Old 06-30-2012, 04:41 AM
 
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Still, we are all so sorry for your hurt, confusion, stress, worry etc. Glad you have a loving wife and son to hold you tight.
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So Sorry
Old 06-30-2012, 04:46 AM
 
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Even though you weren't close this is a lot to deal with, take care of yourself.
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Old 06-30-2012, 04:49 AM
 
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My thoughts are with you and those whose lives were touched by your brother. May you all find peace.
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Old 06-30-2012, 04:49 AM
 
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I'm sorry to hear this. Thanks for sharing it with all of us here. I will be praying for you and your brother.
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Your words...
Old 06-30-2012, 04:56 AM
 
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Whether they be funny, sarcastic, truthful, or sad, you always have an amazing way of expressing yourself.

You are in my thoughts today. You seem to have such a realistic attitude about your brother. Hang in there.
Love,
Suzanne
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Sorry
Old 06-30-2012, 04:58 AM
 
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I have a sister who sounds very much like your brother. I think I can most likely empathize with the way you are feeling right now. Peace to you.
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Wishing
Old 06-30-2012, 04:58 AM
 
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You the peace and understanding that you seek. Even though you were estranged he was a part of what makes you you. We are products of our past for better or worse. You my friend are the better.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:03 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss. May peace and rest be with you.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:06 AM
 
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I know you don't want sympathies, but I am sorry. Even people we are estranged from affect us in some way. I know that I feel bad because of people I wanted a relationship with were unable to give me one--they still have a bit of a hold on me even though they've passed away or have broken off contact with me. I'll be praying for you.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:07 AM
 
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Praying you will be able to get through the next couple days with clarity. Lean on those who love you, they will help get through all this event entails.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:08 AM
 
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I can only extend my sincere wish that you are able to find peace and comfort from your PT family at this time. I agree with trishg that dealing with death and estranged family members is extra tough. The fact that it's suicide is worse.

Keep typing, you know we'll be here!
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brother
Old 06-30-2012, 05:11 AM
 
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Suicide will always leave unanswered questions - we went through that in my family. No matter how close you were, there are always things you wonder. I guess that's probably true with any death.

(((Hugs))) to you - for having to go through the whole ordeal - from the broken relationship to the midnight call. I'm sending prayers for peace for you - that seems the most useful right now.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:11 AM
 
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You are in my thoughts and prayers as you work through these difficult emotions.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:13 AM
 
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I'm sorry about his death, and I'm sorry that you guys didn't have the relationship I know you would have liked.

(((HUGS)))
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:15 AM
 
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Praying for you and your family during surreal time of grief and pain.
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With support
Old 06-30-2012, 05:16 AM
 
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My thoughts are with you as you work your way through this difficult situation. Thank you for sharing with us; we care.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:18 AM
 
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I'm so sorry. What a terrible shock. I will be thinking of you today while you sort out the emotions and confusion of such a tragedy...
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:20 AM
 
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It is going to take your mind a while to process this and come to terms with it, even though you were not close so to speak.

You said you didn't want this to infringe on your family. I think it is time to infringe if you haven't already. Your wife will share your angst.

Peace.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:20 AM
 
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Quote:
My family was all about secrets and distance and avoidance, etc. That is actually where my sadness comes from right now, I think. It's not normal to be like this.
My grandfather died a few months ago. We had not much of a relationship, yet when he dies I cried a lot. Not for his death, but for the relationship I MISSED that I now knew would NEVER BE. I had always wanted a concerned, loving, nurturing grandfather. It's not normal to have a grandfather as a stranger. I know others have similar relationships, but now I never would. I grieved for the finality of my grand daughter/grandfather relationship.

Perhaps this is similar to how you feel? You care not alone. I want things to be different for my family as well.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:20 AM
 
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Sorry for your loss! You are in my thoughts.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:22 AM
 
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I know you've had your difficulties with your brother and your family and this just brings it all up again. I'm sorry you're going through this. I guess the positive is that you survived your family and came out with a decent life and your own family on the other side.
Thinking of you.
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so sorry
Old 06-30-2012, 05:24 AM
 
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I will be praying for peace for you. My dh's brother killed himself and it is devastating no matter how close you are or aren't.
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Brother
Old 06-30-2012, 05:26 AM
 
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So sorry to hear the news. I had a similar relationship with my big brother, and he died when he was 52 from drugs. It's sad when people waste their lives.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:27 AM
 
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So sorry, Hifi.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:31 AM
 
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I'm sorry for your loss. Sending hugs!
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No words
Old 06-30-2012, 05:35 AM
 
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I am sorry for your loss. May you find peace in this tragedy.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:35 AM
 
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I'll be thinking of you and hoping that you gain some closure and peace of mind throughout this ordeal.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:37 AM
 
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I'm so sorry.
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sorry Hifi
Old 06-30-2012, 05:45 AM
 
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about the death of your brother. Death is hard no matter the circumstance. I hope you find peace in this hard time.
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thinking of you
Old 06-30-2012, 05:46 AM
 
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Hifi,
Thinking of you as you deal with your brother's death. May you find peace.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:49 AM
 
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What a shock of a phone call. Family dynamics can be difficult and weird at times. From what your write, you're doing great with your DW and DS. Sounds like you did break the chain.

((hugs))
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:51 AM
 
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I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I had a similar relationship with a half sister who died three years ago, and I'll always wish it could have been different. You have my prayers.
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I am sorry...
Old 06-30-2012, 05:55 AM
 
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I hope you find peace and the answers to questions you have. Take care.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:00 AM
 
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I am sorry that you are dealing with this and I am sorry for your loss.
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Hifiman,
Old 06-30-2012, 06:02 AM
 
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I remember your posts about your brother and his mooching ways. You were so conflicted about what to do. You have such a big heart. I'm sorry he chose to end his life. I'm thinking of you and, since I'm the praying type, I pray for peace in that big heart of yours. Take care of yourself over the next few days and weeks as you and your family take in all that has come to be. Know that you are loved.
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so sorry
Old 06-30-2012, 06:04 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you meant when you wrote that writing things down helps you think. I am the same way.

I also have learned when I write things down it is some kind of permission I seem to give my brain to let go of the thing that is bothering me or pleasing me and move on. Writing it down allows me to continue because I know if and when I need to relive or rethink what it was I wrote down I can always go and revisit the feelings and thoughts when I reread what I wrote.

I also know how you feel because two weeks ago my father died. I am feeling much of what you are feeling, but in a different way. I was close to my father, but I still wish I had spent more time with him asking him about his childhood, what he liked the best, why he made the decisions he made, etc. Now that he is gone I no longer have the option of asking him anything.

I know you said you weren't close to your brother, but what you wrote indicated that you loved your brother. Sometimes we love people that are toxic to us, but yet we want them in our lives. Death is so final.

I am very sorry for what happened. I hope you find some answers and I'm glad you have worked hard at not allowing the "secrets and distance and avoidance, etc." to not be the trend in your immediate family now.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:08 AM
 
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I'm sorry for your loss. As someone with many estranged family members, I can only imagine.

My thoughts go out to you as you deal with this process.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:09 AM
 
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Oh, Hifi, hugs.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:14 AM
 
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Hifiman, many your brother's characteristics describe my 31 yr. old daughter. I worry constantly that I will receive a phone call such as the one you received. I can only pray for her. I am so glad that you felt comfortable sharing your feelings about your brother's death with us. I am sure I can speak for all of us, we are thinking of you.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:16 AM
 
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Sorry to hear this news! Sometimes some of the hardest losses are those we have been estranged from because we know we can't regain what we thought may someday gain the relationship we wanted from them. I know you are a strong, resilient man and will come through this; but, be sure to give yourself some time to grieve!
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:16 AM
 
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I'm sorry for your loss. Prayers are with you today.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:17 AM
 
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I'm sorry you are going through this. It happened with my BIL so I know how awful it is. You never really find out the why, at least we never did, and it's been 12 years now. It's just sad that it comes to that for some people.
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I am sorry
Old 06-30-2012, 06:17 AM
 
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that a great person like you has to go through this. We are a support family on this site. We are lucky to have each other for sorry, joy and a few good laughs. My prayers are with you.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:18 AM
 
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So sorry Hifi. Thinking of you and your family
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Loss
Old 06-30-2012, 06:19 AM
 
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My condolences to you and all your family.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:23 AM
 
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Thinking of you, sorry about your loss.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:24 AM
 
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I'm so sorry, Hifi
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:26 AM
 
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My thoughts and prayers are also with you today.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:28 AM
 
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Thinking of you and your family, Hifi.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:28 AM
 
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Love to you, Hifi. If you choose to solve any mysteries about your borther, I hope you're able to get your questions answered.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:36 AM
 
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I am so sorry. I pray for peace for you and your family. Being estranged from a family member and then learning about that family member's death is so painful. Hugs to you and prayers for peace and strength for the coming days.
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Sorry
Old 06-30-2012, 06:37 AM
 
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I am thinking of you and your family at this difficult time.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:37 AM
 
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Wow. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this emotion, unsettled questions..... (hugs)
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:41 AM
 
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I am sorry that this has happened.

I hope that you continue to look for answers and just not about your brother. I wish peace for you.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:41 AM
 
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Thinking of you today.
Amy
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:45 AM
 
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So sorry you're going through this, Hifi.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:47 AM
 
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I'll be praying for you today.
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I am so sorry for your loss!
Old 06-30-2012, 06:47 AM
 
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I am just checking in with this board and am sooooo sorry to hear this! My thoughts and prayers go to you and your family!
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:49 AM
 
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I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Even though you weren't close, it's still a lot to process. You are in my thoughts.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:53 AM
 
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Hifiman I sense your profound sadness and I am sorry for the pain of both you and your brother. May he rest in peace and may you find some way to process your grief. ((Hifiman))
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:57 AM
 
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So sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family, no matter the relationship it is still a lot to deal with.
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:01 AM
 
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Sorry that you are having to deal with all of this and the baggage that comes with it.
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:02 AM
 
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I'm so sorry you are going through this difficult time.
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:04 AM
 
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Hifi, I'm so sorry for your loss, and it is a loss, no matter what the relationship.

Please reach out when you need to. There is no weakness in asking for help or a shoulder to rest your troubles on, so don't keep your feelings all bottled up inside.

I am glad for your brother that his troubled soul is finally at rest.

May you one day be able to find peace in your heart over this. (((hugs)))
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:08 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss. I remember posts about your relationship with your brother and how tough it was for you.

May you find peace and comfort form those who love during this time!
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:11 AM
 
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I am sorry for your loss.
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:14 AM
 
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I am so sorry.
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:19 AM
 
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So sorry to hear of your loss. I'm thinking of you and your family.
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:26 AM
 
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I'm sorry, Hifi. Thinking of you.
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your brother
Old 06-30-2012, 07:26 AM
 
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I hope you and your family are able to find answers and peace...God bless you all!
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:26 AM
 
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You have my most sincere condolences, Hifiman. I am very sad and sorry for your loss.
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Thinking of you
Old 06-30-2012, 07:37 AM
 
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I'm sorry for your loss. You'll probably be grieving the what could have been for a long time.
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:38 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can get some answers to what happened and why.
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:41 AM
 
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Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers today.
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:43 AM
 
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As you can see by the responses, you have a huge family that cares for you and supports you. My only wish is that this virtual (((hug))) and prayers find you and give you the strength and support you truly deserve.
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:49 AM
 
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My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Jackie
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:54 AM
 
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Sending positive thoughts and prayers as you sort through all of the thoughts and emotions.
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:57 AM
 
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Suicide is so confusing... I know you weren't close but it still hits home because he was your brother. Even though you weren't close, I know you cared.

Stay strong and you know we are all here to "listen." Peace to you.
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Sorry to hear
Old 06-30-2012, 08:05 AM
 
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Sorry to hear the news...A lot for you to go through...
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Old 06-30-2012, 08:09 AM
 
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The thoughts, the questions, the what-ifs, the why-nots... I totally get it. I am just sending wishes for a rapid recovery from this emotional overload. I'm sorry that you're going through it.
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Old 06-30-2012, 08:24 AM
 
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So sorry for your loss. As we get older it is not only the person that we mourn the loss of but also the things we never said or the relationships that didn't turn out as expected. You have your own family now. Build and strengthen those relationships between you and between your children. You have a gift for writing. Make sure that you write to each of your own children so that they will know you. Wishing you peace.
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Old 06-30-2012, 08:25 AM
 
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My condolences, Hifi. I wish you peace.
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Oh, HiFi . . .
Old 06-30-2012, 08:26 AM
 
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I have been in your shoes . . . my brother died about 10 years ago under similar circumstances . . . I knew the call would come one day, but the sadness, guilt, heartbrokenness for what could have been in our relationship has lasted for a long time. I still search backwards through the years and wonder if I had been less selfish (I know, I know, people will say I was protecting myself and my family from the chaos) if things could have worked out differently for him . . .

I believe that my brother's behaviors masked a lot of pain that he was unable to face and cope with; pain that the rest of the family couldn't understand, which kept us from being able to connect with him. I hope that he and your brother have found the peace that eluded them during life here with us.

Sending peace and healing thoughts your way.
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Old 06-30-2012, 08:28 AM
 
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I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. I will be praying for for you, for strength and (eventually) peace.
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Old 06-30-2012, 08:30 AM
 
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Very sorry for your loss. Sounds like your brother was a very troubled soul. Peace to you and your family.
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Old 06-30-2012, 08:33 AM
 
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Sorry for your loss and in such a tragic way. May you find peace in some way.
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Old 06-30-2012, 08:34 AM
 
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I send my condolences from afar. There must be something we can say to comfort you but alas it's hard to know the right thing to say. Just know that the kind of individual you share here is most likely the same persona you offered your brother. His demons did not allow him to honor the familial bonds in a positive way. Forgive him for his short comings now, and have no regrets about your relationship with him.

I am sorry this reality visits your family at this time. Take comfort in your own family to see your though this. Thank you for reaching out to us.
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thinking of you
Old 06-30-2012, 08:34 AM
 
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Oh no, I'm so sorry, Hifiman. Close or not, he was your brother. You and your family have my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 06-30-2012, 08:38 AM
 
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It is very lonely to lose a sibling, especially your only sibling. For good or bad, they are the only person on earth who grew up like you/with you sharing something no one else did.

You are a wonderful person, despite your mother and brother. That doesn't mean that it isn't painful to lose them (if only because it brings up a painful past).

Like you, my mother and brother are now dead. My Dad wasn't around to share a lot of my growing up experience. It's a bit lonely.

I am sorry for your pain, and sorry that things weren't different between you and your brother (that's another source of hurt, that it can never be altered now, it is what it is).

Hugs
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Old 06-30-2012, 08:59 AM
 
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I am thinking about you and praying for you and your family. Please know how many of us on here care for you, albeit from a distance. I am so sorry for your pain.
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Old 06-30-2012, 08:59 AM
 
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I am so, so sorry. What a sad and confusing thing for you to process, for so many reasons. I wish you peace as you come to terms with it all. Take care.
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Old 06-30-2012, 09:11 AM
 
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Thinking about you and hoping you get some peace.
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Old 06-30-2012, 09:12 AM
 
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So sorry you are going thru this Hifi.
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Thoughts
Old 06-30-2012, 09:15 AM
 
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Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time!
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Old 06-30-2012, 09:16 AM
 
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Thoughts and prayers are being sent your way!!!
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Old 06-30-2012, 09:16 AM
 
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I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this.

Him, not wanting to know you was his loss, as you're obviously a funny, caring guy.
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Old 06-30-2012, 09:18 AM
 
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I'm so sorry to hear this sad news. I'm sure that the fact that it was a suicide makes it doubly hard to process. I wish you peace!
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Old 06-30-2012, 09:18 AM
 
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I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother. As someone said suicide is so confusing. My cousin at age 25 or so committed suicide. Everyone was so shocked and sadden. Then just last year my uncle who was the father of this boy also committed suicide. He was 68 and had cancer. We found out he was in debt and was an alcoholic. My dad did not go to the funeral as it was a far distance to travel. They had not been close in years. It still was hard for my dad as itis still his baby brother. I hope you will go back to counseling if you feel that helped. You are a great guy and you don't want this to affect your relationships with those close to you. You are in my prayers.
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Old 06-30-2012, 09:19 AM
 
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Thinking of you during this difficult time and in the days ahead as you process the past and the news of your brother.
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Old 06-30-2012, 09:21 AM
 
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I'm sorry. I hope you find some answers. (((hugs)))
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Old 06-30-2012, 09:44 AM
 
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So sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. Don't beat yourself up for the mixed feelings. It is what it is. Sounds to me like you did your best. God bless....
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Old 06-30-2012, 09:47 AM
 
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I'm also sorry for your loss.
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I'm sorry.
Old 06-30-2012, 09:55 AM
 
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My prayers go out to you, Hifi. My brother committed suicide many years ago. Like you, we got a phone call in the middle of the night. I will never forget the feelings of sadness and the questions. I'm sorry you have to go through i