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scottiestir scottiestir is offline
 
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Advice please
Old 10-12-2015, 07:35 AM
  #1

My husband's best friend's wife has been diagnosed with cancer. My H plays golf with her husband. How do I acknowledge and be gracious? She is about 15 years younger than me. What can I do to help? What not to say? Thanks for your advice. Another couple, her H and my H and I are meeting today for drinks. She is too tired to go.


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As a survivor
Old 10-12-2015, 07:41 AM
  #2

Say that you are sorry that they are going through this. Offer to help. Friends and family cooked a meal for the family after every chemo. Offer to drive her to treatment, pick up groceries or other things from the stores, take the kids (if there are any) off their hands, etc. A gift card to a local restaurant would be appreciated or to a theater. I know that my life was pretty normal, except for a couple days a week after chemo, when I would be too tired. I had four boys aged 9-15. It really helped when friends would pick them up from ball practice or took them places so I could have some rest those couple days after chemo. My friends also set up a system where they sent funny cards to me. LOVED that! I hated when people were sickly sweet. I was me NOT cancer. Today, exactly 20 years ago, I finished my last chemo. So this is a timely question.
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Old 10-12-2015, 09:37 AM
  #3

When my co-worker was diagnosed, one thing she said was she didn't know what to say when people asked how they could help. She was too tired and shy to delegate. It was better that we said...hey my husband is coming to mow you're lawn Saturday or so and so is dropping dinner off for your kids Monday. Just a thought...
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Old 10-12-2015, 07:22 PM
  #4

I am a cancer survivor too and agree with the others! Do not ask how you can help, but tell her what you would like to do for her and let her say yay or nay. If she is having chemo a chemo care package would be a nice surprise - a gift card for a restaurant or somewhere they can get take out, a book or magazine, a DVD, little individual fruit cups because that often tastes good when taste buds are effected, plastic ware because metal makes the bitter taste more prominent, some baby shampoo for the sensitive head, etc.

Keep your sense of humor too when around her and when its appropriate. I was just diagnosed with a different form of cancer a week ago and a friend said to me the other day when I said had been imagining I would be dead before Christmas, "well, that isn't so bad for your family and friends because we'll all save a lot of money on presents!"

Bless you for caring!

Nancy
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