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redpatchouli redpatchouli is offline
 
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Nasty mean girls making/insinuating rude remarks about me, 8th grade
Old 02-28-2017, 08:57 AM
 
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So there's this little ring of about 5 girls all in one class. They do not usually sit together unless I let them choose groups for group work (rare!). Anyway. Because they're vindictive, and I held one of them accountable for work not done in class, I've heard them making remarks when I walk by in the hallway (something STINKS here)-/ in class during group work, one called me over to ask "Is this right?" And of course I responded (it was), then she covered her nose and snickered, as did the rest of them. Now... I don't respond or rise to the rude bait. I ignore it. But it just keeps going. SHOULD I say something? If so, what? In my 14 years of teaching I've truly never run across this. Kids CAN be nasty and disrespectful, and they are becoming more so (in some cases) each year, but this is ridiculous. I'll add, at the risk of sounding defensive, I pride myself on cleanliness, I don't use perfume, I do use lotion for dry skin (lemon scented)/// in case you were wondering....


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Old 02-28-2017, 09:07 AM
 
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I find that many teens are unpleasant to others to take the weight off their own shoulders. It's like a way to push the feeling off yourself and transfer it onto others. I can tell when kids are having a bad moment or are bothered by something. They attempt to get under my skin with nasty comments about my class, my lessons, my homework, my clothing, my voice, etc. It takes a lot for me to kill'em with kindness but I do it.
It's sometimes fun for me to see their frustration grow when I don't bite on their bait. When I get a chance to meet with them one-on-one, I can usually chat with them and ask them why they make the comments they do.
It's so odd. Some kids are so angry people and can only function when there is negativity and spite.
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Old 02-28-2017, 10:38 AM
 
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Yes! Very angry children. Many home/personal issues. I know WHY they're so mean. I just don't know how to stop their comments. Or if it's possible. Or my best reaction.
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Yes, but not to this extent
Old 02-28-2017, 01:10 PM
 
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I think you need to talk to their other teachers and make some phone calls home. These girls are probably doing the same things to other teachers, students, and at home. I find that many of us suffer in silence for too long. We blame ourselves. Take your power back. Watch for a few days and document, so you can describe what's happening. Then, follow your discipline policy for disrespect.
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Old 02-28-2017, 01:25 PM
 
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It's subtle. They'll for example make the comment about something stinking in the hallway---other people around, garbage cans, it could be anything, they might say. Or like I said they snicker and cover noses--they DO NOT overtly say "You smell. " If they did I would have called them on it weeks ago. That's why I've been going the "planned ignoring" route.


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Lunch in the Classroom...
Old 02-28-2017, 01:58 PM
 
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1. Call parents. If behavior does not change, then lunch in the classroom would be a solution for me.

2. Make a list of 100 things that stink.

3. Write twenty sentences using the word stink...spelling, capitalization, and punctuation matter.

4. Playground (with plastic gloves)...pick up garbage.

5. Bathroom duty.
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It's still real.
Old 02-28-2017, 02:45 PM
 
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I think I would address it. Would you watch them do this to a peer and not say anything? Of course not.

Document the actions and the subtlety of it. It all adds up. They know what they are doing. The fact that they are tricky about it makes this even worse.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.
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Old 02-28-2017, 03:30 PM
 
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I had a 7th grade girl call me that last year because I had her read during an SSR (Sustained Silent Reading..so you read a book). (Kind of the same idea as you--I had her do what was required in that class). (Heaven forbid! ) She would not call it to my face but in the hallways with her friends. I chose to ignore it until one day she was so loud that one of my colleagues heard her. The colleague even stopped and questioned the girl and then asked me (privately) about it. She thought that I was being treated unfairly and told my P, who in turn called the girl's mom. The girl wrote me an apology note. That ended that!

It just maybe a passing joke among friends that may die down. You are doing the right thing by ignoring it and not addressing it. What happened to me might work for you if you draw another colleague's attention to it. An overheard comment may be best handled by colleague or even a trusted admin might be best to address that problem.

If this "squad" is acting inappropriately, don't be afraid to call your "squad" to help you handle it!

Last edited by Dubbamom; 02-28-2017 at 03:35 PM.. Reason: Added more
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Old 02-28-2017, 03:38 PM
 
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Excellent ideas! I could only do #2 and 3--that's within my "power" as a teacher ---but those are definitely options! Thank you!!!
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Old 02-28-2017, 03:45 PM
 
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What didn't post (adding)..., I'm a writing teacher, and I've often assigned pieces to write as a way to get students to think and reflect on behavior issues. I don't know why I didn't think of that this time..,,, maybe I'm feeling bullied!


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Old 02-28-2017, 04:06 PM
 
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Perhaps I am wrong, but I would address it. I think I would pull them aside (not in front of others) and say something along the lines of:
"Look, don't think I'm too stupid to get what you're doing. This 'mean girl' behavior might work with the other students, but it does NOT work with me. It stops NOW. I'm not insecure enough to be offended, but you need to know that your behavior and comments are not appropriate in any public setting. I'm trusting that we never have to have this conversation again."
If they try to argue or explain, just tell them the conversation is over. I find that a firm, calm statement like that tends to end this nonsense. These are the kind of girls that are not used to being called out on their actions and I think it would get the message across.
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Mean girls
Old 02-28-2017, 04:17 PM
 
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I would speak to them separately. If you do not get results, possibly talk to the guidance counselor. This is bullying and they most likely are doing this to others.
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Old 02-28-2017, 04:56 PM
 
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Thank you! Gifted: you have given me food for thought---I think that tomorrow, if/when I hear that "something STINKS around here" comment (I'm betting I will--again!)--I'll pull them aside and have "That Talk." That's Step 1. I'm also going to have them sign something (document) that we've had a talk about their inappropriate behavior and that the next step will be taking it to the office. Which I will. I feel empowered! Why didn't I before?

I am NOT the kind of teacher that gets phased or frazzled. And it's not that I am, here, but I feel like I really wasn't handling the situation effectively (by ignoring it) because it keeps on going.

All that said...these 5 girls are in a class of almost 30; 20 or so are learning support; it's a very high-maintenance class. Most of them work very hard or at least to their ability; out of the 5, 1 is social-emotional disorder, treated by the in-class counseling program (she's a very recent participator in the past month's goings-on though); 2 are very intelligent and get grades close to or above 90; one is average, but very underachieving (and kind of "selectively mute," though she hasn't been deemed that---she talks to very few adults)---and one is probably just a follower, because she's mostly a nice girl. I don't know if I'm just overworked with the class as a whole, or in fact ALL my classes---or really I just thought if I ignored it, it'd go away----yet it isn't (thus my posts).

Anyway---I'll jump on talking to them tomorrow, and take it from there. Will keep you all posted. Thank you SO much again!
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Old 02-28-2017, 08:08 PM
 
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You have gotten a lot of very good, very serious suggestions. It bothers me that these girls feel they have this power over you. I'd be inclined, the next time they made that "something stinks" comment, to start sniffing around THEM, and say something to the effect of "ew. You're right. Something stinks". Then walk away. But that's just the mood I am in right now. Lol.
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Old 03-01-2017, 03:54 AM
 
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Good luck!
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mean girls
Old 03-04-2017, 06:35 AM
 
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Did you end up having "The Talk"? Hope this gets settled now.
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Old 03-04-2017, 04:12 PM
 
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They mysteriously and inexplicably stopped. For now. But I'm ready.
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Old 03-05-2017, 04:59 AM
 
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Oh good, I'm glad it's stopped and that you're ready
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Watch it
Old 03-05-2017, 01:11 PM
 
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Don't use the word "Stupid". Even if you get the child by herself. It will be misinterpreted that you called her stupid.

A teacher said to a student, "You are barking up the wrong tree." Parent came to school and said the teacher called her child a dog. Really? Oh yes.
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