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Hammy6714 Hammy6714 is offline
 
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I need some advice please.
Old 05-31-2020, 04:56 PM
  #1

My daughter is 9 years old and she is really struggling lately with her emotions. This has been the case for a while now but Covid-19 is also not helping....I want to call a therapist but my husband is strongly against it. I think that having someone other than mom or dad to talk to would be so good for her. She has periods of times when she is so happy but then snaps to extreme anger at the drop of a hat. She also has some anxiety that is starting to show itself in more ways than just separation anxiety (hates to be away from either myself or her dad) Mental illness does run in my husbands side of the family which is another reason I want to take her to talk to someone. Does anyone have any advice or experience with this sort of thing?


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Old 05-31-2020, 05:01 PM
  #2

I also think she needs a therapist. Why is your DH so strongly against it? If he's against it, what are his suggestions for helping her through this?
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Old 05-31-2020, 05:02 PM
  #3

While I haven't had any experience with a child having mental health problems, I am an individual that suffers from anxiety and depression.

I would ask that you take your DD to a therapist, someone she can share with, without judgement. That is what I like about my therapist I am free to say whatever I want and not be judged. Its hard I know to think your little girl needs help and you can't do anything about it is hard.
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Old 05-31-2020, 05:12 PM
  #4

I would insist on getting your dd some therapy right away. Not doing so is akin to not getting someone medical help when seriously ill and needing immediate medical assistance. I would not allow anyone to deny my child's potential health needs.



I did raise a daughter who began some mild psychiatric problems around the time she began her period. I got her in to a therapist and my dd really appreciated the "third party adult" to share her feelings with. Best of luck.
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Old 05-31-2020, 05:13 PM
  #5

I think my husband is against it because of the "stigma" that he thinks seeing a therapist holds. However I think we he may be coming around to the idea a little more we are both just tired.

** I just called a very highly recommended group of therapists in our town and left a message hopefully we can get her in soon!


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Old 05-31-2020, 05:13 PM
  #6

My dd is the same age and has similar issues from time to time. We did have her meet with a (biblical) counselor briefly, who helped her with strategies like positive self talk, calming herself when angry, praying Bible verse, journaling.

She has long periods of time when things are fine and then will slip into a mood just like you describe. What has helped the most is letting her have space initially, then talking calmly to her. We use an app called Breathe Kids that has some fun, gentle calming apps. My dd likes how she can pick emojis to show how sheís feeling and then it selects a video/activity for her to do. Then at the end it asks how her emojis changed. It really helps when sheís angry or super stressed.

My dd has issues with worrying, particularly at night. We got lots of books on cd, and some gentle music that she listens to as she falls asleep that keeps her mind off worrying.

Thereís no one thing that will fix it, but it sounds like youíre already asking the right questions and considering how best to help her. Even if she doesnít do therapy, there are things you can do at home talking to her. Try talking to her NOT face to face, like while youíre both coloring a picture or something. No eye contact sometimes takes the pressure off. Just be patient and keep trying different things til something seems to click. I totally know how you feel, youíre not alone!
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Old 05-31-2020, 05:24 PM
  #7

I am going to try talking with her tomorrow while we color...we have great talks when we go on walks and your right...it's not face to face!

Thank you all for your kind words and your advice I really appreciate it!
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Old 05-31-2020, 05:36 PM
  #8

I donít think the stigma is around nearly as much now as it was say 20 or 30 years ago.
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She needs a therapist I agree
Old 05-31-2020, 05:38 PM
  #9

I would look for one that specializes in helping children. I would specifically ask them to teach her some going calming techniques when she gets angry.

Until then I would keep her on a pretty regular schedule as far as wake up, meal and sleep times. There is comfort in a schedule with reasonable flexibility.

I would have her eating heathy which I bet you already do.In fact you may already doing most of these strategies.

Daily sunshine can help her.

Have her journal daily to pour out her feelings. She may need you to do this with her at first to model.

Exercise can help her. Exercise to the point of being really tired.

Having a hobby or two she enjoys can be very helpful.

Encourage reading good literature.

Limit TV watching and monitor what she watches.

She needs to spend a good part of her day with family and not self isolate in her bedroom.

Music can really influence mood. Maybe she should select some music she likes that she thinks might help calm her. She needs a way to listen to this when she feels the need.

Does she have a swing in your backyard? That repetitive motion can be calming to some people. Or maybe a rocking chair?

Have something to look forward to each week. This does not have to be something really big. (ice cream cone out on Saturday, special movie Friday night, have a friend over, new craft to do, trip to a park, hike in a natural area...)

A pet can help many people to feel better.

I think I would hand a punching bag for her to hit when she starts feeling frustrated.

Good luck to you and your daughter. I hope she starts feeling happier most of the time real soon.
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Old 05-31-2020, 05:44 PM
  #10

Thank you for all of your ideas!

We are on a pretty regular schedule around here...it does get a little more relaxed during summertime but I need routine too! (haha it's the teacher in me)

As a family we all eat pretty healthy and we are outside all day if the weather permits! We are all outside people.

She has several hobbies one being dance (which finally started back up thank goodness!).

We actually do have a swing that she loves to be on (we need to upgrade because she is almost too big for our current one)

We also have a punching bag (bought for my son to do his Tae Kwon Do) but has proven very helpful for my daughter as well.

Again, thank you I was feeling like a failure as a mom but your ideas did show me that we already are doing somethings hopefully right! I appreciate it!


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Old 05-31-2020, 05:49 PM
  #11

When my son was around 12 he started having irrational fears and anxiety. His pediatrician recommended a child psychologist. My son was pretty quiet around non family members, but he agreed to go. The dr. gave him coping strategies like breathing to calm himself and guided meditation type activities. He went 4 times and said he didn't need to go anymore. He is an adult now and there was no stigma in going. He says that he still uses the strategies when he needs to. It was a positive experience for us. Positive thoughts for your daughter.
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Great!
Old 05-31-2020, 05:58 PM
  #12

Sound like you are already on the right track. Just remember always, you know your daughter better than anyone else in the world. Follow your instincts.

She is old enough to start paying attention to her mood and manage it as much as she can. But it takes time to develop this coping skills. Good luck to you both.
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Old 05-31-2020, 06:01 PM
  #13

I've been seeing a therapist for quite a while. In addition to their expertise, sometimes it's easier to talk to someone who's outside of any situations (not a family member, not a friend, etc).
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Old 05-31-2020, 06:02 PM
  #14

Quote:
Mental illness does run in my husbands side of the family which is another reason I want to take her to talk to someone.
This may be the reason your husband is opposed to the idea.

He may be denying it bc acceptance means mental illness is continuing in the family.

Some people have a stigma regarding mental health and seeing psychiatrist, counselors, etc.


I think you need to take her. I agree with all the reasons you mentioned.

Your daughterís mental wellness now & in the future is what is important.
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Another Thought
Old 05-31-2020, 07:16 PM
  #15

Is there a chance she could be getting ready to start her period? That would make her more emotional. I know she is young but it happens. I started at age 13 while my little sister started at 10. Just a thought to consider.
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Old 05-31-2020, 07:27 PM
  #16

I agree with you. Maybe you could start by making an appointment with her doctor and take it from there. Do you think he would go along with it if her doc recommended it? We started seeing similar behaviors in our DD when she was about 11. It started with moderate anxiety with separation anxiety being a major part of it when she was previously even able to spend the night away from home.

I am praying for your family and your situation.

Nancy
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Therapy
Old 05-31-2020, 08:24 PM
  #17

My nephew is seeing his therapist via internet.
I'm sorry if this has already been said. I wish your family the best.
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Old 05-31-2020, 10:26 PM
  #18

Read some of these posts to your husband. Hopefully heíll listen. Smart people here. Tell him that.
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Old 05-31-2020, 10:29 PM
  #19

My dd was like 9 or 10. Most all her friends got it early. All the foods we eat donít help that. So that could be a part.
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Old 06-01-2020, 05:03 AM
  #20

Do it! My daughter started pulling out her hair at 13. We were beyond devastated. We found a therapist that was more than an hour away to work with her. She saw this therapist for six months and learned some awesome techniques that help her with life in general still 10 years later.

Our son started showing extreme anxiety and depression at the beginning of high school. We found a therapist who specialized in teenagers. Fortunately she was only a few minutes away. Six years later my son still sees her as needed. They have a wonderful relationship and she can get through to him when we canít.

We always tell our children there is nothing wrong with having problems. The only wrong thing is when you refuse to get help to make the problem better. Therapy is not a sign of weakness. Itís a sign you need help and are willing to do the hard work to get better.
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food
Old 06-01-2020, 06:01 AM
  #21

knitting 987 said:
Quote:
All the foods we eat donít help that. So that could be a part.
I agree 100% on this!
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