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My plans for tonight.
Old 06-28-2020, 07:12 PM
  #1

You need two small backstories for this to make sense.

Backstory 1:
Boyfriend is out of town for something stupid (not his fault). We have been video chatting through the night (leaving video chat on and going to sleep). We video chat on my computer.

Backstory 2:
I have gone back to going to the gym, but I'm going at midnight because there's no one there and I am able to go in without wearing a mask (I hyper disinfect and extreme social distance). There are usually less than ten people in there, including employees.

The Plan:
My boyfriend is disapproving that I skipped the gym two nights in a row. I told him I was DEFINITELY going tonight. I'm tired. I plan on just saying goodnight to him and going into the living room until he goes to sleep.


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Old 06-28-2020, 07:21 PM
  #2

Will he find out? If he asks you directly will you lie to him? How far is it? You could dive there, and not go in. Then if he asks you can honestly say you went to the gym.
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Why does he get to
Old 06-28-2020, 08:00 PM
  #3

disapprove of your work out schedule? You are an adult. I am sure you can decide how often to go or not go. JMO
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Old 06-28-2020, 08:07 PM
  #4

Agree with 1956BD.
You should feel free to choose to go or not to go to the gym without needing his approval....It is worrying that you feel you can't be honest about your (perfectly valid) choice.
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Old 06-28-2020, 08:19 PM
  #5

Iím a grownup. I donít need anyone monitoring my workout schedule.


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Noooo
Old 06-28-2020, 09:22 PM
  #6

The next thing will be him disapproving of what you eat. He doesn't get to have an opinion about your workout schedule. Either you go or don't. Your decision entirely.
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Old 06-28-2020, 09:36 PM
  #7

Why would you lie? Just tell the truth that you're tired.
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Nope
Old 06-28-2020, 11:41 PM
  #8

He disapproves of you skipping the gym, and you will sleep in the living room so he thinks you went? That is not good. You need to talk with him soon. His controlling behavior will probably get worse.

Last edited by travelingfar; 06-29-2020 at 06:35 AM..
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Gym
Old 06-29-2020, 03:48 AM
  #9

You have to pretend to go to the gym to please your boyfriend. No just no. You can make your own decisions about working out. Lying is not the answer and he should be mad about your choice to work out or not. Huge red flag.
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You need to have a calm, nice
Old 06-29-2020, 03:49 AM
  #10

sit down with BF.

He is too controlling. This behavior will not get less, it will increase as you are together.

You decide what to do and when. It is nice to have a partner who will encourage you, but it needs to be positive encouragement, not scolding or even showing disappointment when you do not do something he thinks you should.

I will give him a break because I don't know him. He may have been brought up and learned that pattern of interaction. Scolding as a way to help someone to do better is often what some parents do. And we know that doesn't work. I think you should be honest with him and give him some "I" messages. Tell him his voicing disappointment does not motivate you to do better, it motivates you to not be transparent with him. Give him the reality of how it bothers you, and examples of the positive things he could say instead to motivate you.

Hope it works out.


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Skipping workout
Old 06-29-2020, 04:48 AM
  #11

Do you both belong to the same gym under the same membership?
My family has a gym membership. When I log into my account I can see the exact times as to when they were each there for the past year. With technology the way it is you need to be very careful, or you will get caught lying.

I agree with everything people posted above. Why is your boyfriend so concerned about you working out?
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I belonged to a gym
Old 06-29-2020, 05:36 AM
  #12

that offered a lot of amenities.

So, good luck to DH on checking out the hours I was at the gym.
Was I taking a class?
Was I working out?
Was I sitting in the cafe having a snack and beverage?
Was I sitting in the lounge watching the huge tv?

No one would know but me!
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Old 06-29-2020, 05:50 AM
  #13

This cracks me up.
Should you have dishonesty in your relationship? No.
Do you know you should get your butt to the gym? Of course.
But I understand not wanting to deal with him.
I didn't jump to the controlling boyfriend conclusion. I assume the best of intentions.
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Old 06-29-2020, 06:05 AM
  #14

I'm not answering to anyone about when I go to the gym and when I dont.

Also, my husband works out of town more than half the time. I'm here living my life and he really doesn't know what I'm doing.

I know you're pretty young, but I'm too old to be down with that kind of bs. Maybe you should talk with your bf and try to work toward some more mature relationship patterns.

Last edited by Claire; 06-29-2020 at 07:51 AM..
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Old 06-29-2020, 06:12 AM
  #15

This is relationship a train wreck for 2 reasons

...he is controlling you by telling you to go to the gym. Encouragement and telling are 2 different things.

...you're being deceitful by planning to go to the living room until he falls asleep. Just say you aren't going.
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Old 06-29-2020, 06:35 AM
  #16

Or is this post just humorous musings?
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Old 06-29-2020, 07:25 AM
  #17

Oh dear. This post was a joke. I did exercise last night. It's not a controlling situation. It's about me being lazy.
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Old 06-29-2020, 08:18 AM
  #18

Yep, you canít post stuff like that without a response! I could see it coming from a mile away . Hopefully he is encouraging as opposed to controlling, only you know that .
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Old 06-29-2020, 08:19 AM
  #19

TheGr8Catsby, glad to hear you're kidding because I'd be like, here we go again with another pig-headed, controlling man!

I wouldn't even feel the need to have to tell him either way that I'm skipping OR going. I do what I want. If I happen to say it in the course of the conversation, then fine.
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Old 06-29-2020, 09:07 AM
  #20

Good to hear. After my initial reaction, I reread your post and was wondering if that might be the case.
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Old 06-29-2020, 11:48 AM
  #21

Ah ha! As I thought
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Old 06-29-2020, 02:11 PM
  #22

I've seen your response that this is a humorous post. I do r see it. You've done this before. I guess I don't get your humor.
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Old 06-29-2020, 06:59 PM
  #23

^ Yeah, if it's meant to be a joke, say so in parentheses in your original post or something so we know.
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Not Good
Old 06-30-2020, 02:13 AM
  #24

People took time out to give you advice because they wanted to help, and you were just kidding. I'll think twice before offering my opinion to you again.
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Old 06-30-2020, 05:07 AM
  #25

Quote:
I've seen your response that this is a humorous post. I do r see it. You've done this before. I guess I don't get your humor.
That's unfortunate.

Quote:
^ Yeah, if it's meant to be a joke, say so in parentheses in your original post or something so we know.
Like when I included a laughing emoji to show that the post wasn't serious?


Quote:
People took time out to give you advice because they wanted to help, and you were just kidding. I'll think twice before offering my opinion to you again.
Where did I ask for advice?
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I don't get it.
Old 06-30-2020, 06:02 AM
  #26

So this was true? Or not?

If true, the video chatting thing seems controlling. And the boyfriend approving or disapproving is disturbing.

If not, I don't understand the post at all.
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Old 06-30-2020, 07:08 AM
  #27

Whether this was really meant as a joke or not, Catsby does not either want advice or comments OR does not like the direction the comments went.

We all hope that your relationship is healthier than it sounded to many. Personally, there have been several posts about this BF that sound like they are not the kind of relationship we wish our friends to have. I hope that Catsby keeps that in mind as he wanders through this part of his life.
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