Did I do the right thing? LONG - ProTeacher Community




      
Home Join Now Search My Favorites
Help


      Teachers' Lounge


Did I do the right thing? LONG

>

Reply
 
Thread Tools
MalloryJames MalloryJames is offline
 
Joined: Jun 2020
Posts: 324
Junior Member

MalloryJames
 
Joined: Jun 2020
Posts: 324
Junior Member
Did I do the right thing? LONG
Old 07-05-2020, 12:22 PM
  #1

I was walking two of my dogs this morning--the 3rd one is old and sleeps in. A guy was picking up sticks or something in his yard when I passed by. I was on the phone with a friend (she walks a different route, but we talk each morning on our separate walks), I said "Good morning" to the guy. He said something I didn't hear and I said "Have a great day," and kept walking and talking to my friend.

Something felt off and I looked behind me. The guy is following me. I'm like...what is he doing??

I'm good at walking backwards so I turned around, walking backwards. He never got very close, but followed me for two blocks. I told my friend EXACTLY where I was and described the guy following me. It was making me nervous and THAT made me angry. So I yelled, "You wanna go, f**ker?" And I stood there, staring him down. He finally turned and walked back the way he came. Yes, I went full on Detroit aggressive.

When I got home, I called the non-emergency police phone number to ask them to do a well check. There is something not right about that guy and the next woman he follows might not be aware/scare him off, etc.

Was this the right course of action?


MalloryJames is offline   Reply With Quote

klarabelle's Avatar
klarabelle klarabelle is offline
 
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 20,736
Senior Member

klarabelle
 
klarabelle's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 20,736
Senior Member

Old 07-05-2020, 12:25 PM
  #2

I have to say I am proud of you for reporting this to the police. You went by your gut, and that is a good thing,
klarabelle is offline   Reply With Quote
1956BD's Avatar
1956BD 1956BD is online now
 
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 28,322
Senior Member

1956BD
 
1956BD's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 28,322
Senior Member
I am sorry that happened to you
Old 07-05-2020, 12:33 PM
  #3

I would have been very scared. Sounds like you handled it fine. I am very glad the man backed off. If I were you I would use a different route now for walking that does not pass his home. Good for you alerting the police.
1956BD is online now   Reply With Quote
lisa53's Avatar
lisa53 lisa53 is offline
 
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 6,708
Senior Member

lisa53
 
lisa53's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 6,708
Senior Member

Old 07-05-2020, 12:38 PM
  #4

I think you did well to be aware of your surroundings, stand up for yourself, and be loud enough to call attention to your situation if anyone else was around. Itís good you reported it.

That said...

-vary your route from day to day
-continue keeping in contact with your friend when walking, or better yet, figure out a way to walk with her or someone else if you can
-would your dogs protect you if something happened?
lisa53 is offline   Reply With Quote
MalloryJames MalloryJames is offline
 
Joined: Jun 2020
Posts: 324
Junior Member

MalloryJames
 
Joined: Jun 2020
Posts: 324
Junior Member

Old 07-05-2020, 12:45 PM
  #5

My dogs are pretty much lovers, not fighters. But, I do think they would protect me if it came down to it. I have Shepherd/Great Dane mutts, so they are big. I think part of why I was bothered is most strangers would be intimidated by my dogs and he clearly wasn't. I worry he has mental health issues and is off his meds or is possibly special needs and is possibly dangerous through no fault of his own?

My 16 yo son thought that was it, the guy just doesn't understand appropriate social cues, that he asked me a question (the thing I didn't hear) and was following me to get the answer.

I am thinking of carrying pepper spray again, which I haven't done in years.


MalloryJames is offline   Reply With Quote
tia's Avatar
tia tia is offline
 
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 8,314
Blog Entries: 6
Senior Member

tia
 
tia's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 8,314
Senior Member

Old 07-05-2020, 12:55 PM
  #6

i would have crossed the street and gone the opposite direction. that would give a very clear indication if being followed.
tia is offline   Reply With Quote
annie_g's Avatar
annie_g annie_g is online now
 
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 6,366
Senior Member

annie_g
 
annie_g's Avatar
 
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 6,366
Senior Member

Old 07-05-2020, 01:04 PM
  #7

I would have taken his picture or a video while telling him to stop following me. I'm glad you notified police. Don't walk that way again!
annie_g is online now   Reply With Quote
amiga13's Avatar
amiga13 amiga13 is online now
 
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 20,333
Senior Member

amiga13
 
amiga13's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 20,333
Senior Member

Old 07-05-2020, 01:13 PM
  #8

Iím so sorry this happened to you. Iím a walker, too, and I would have been rattled. Iím glad you reported the incident to the police.

However (you want our honest opinions, right?), for your safety, I donít recommend yelling at the guy. We never know what is going to set someone off these days and we donít know if the person has some kind of weapon. I suggest making eye contact (ďI see youĒ) and then walking away quickly.

Also, I think your son might be right. Maybe the guy thought you were talking to him. Iím hard of hearing. Even with hearing aids I am sometimes confused about whom the person is talking to: me or an invisible microphone? Many people walk along carrying on conversations these days and, conversely, I listen to books as I walk so I donít hear you if you speak to me when I donít see your face.

Sorry so long. I hope you enjoy your next walk ďwithĒ your friend. I love that you do that.
amiga13 is online now   Reply With Quote
Loveslabs Loveslabs is offline
 
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 832
Senior Member

Loveslabs
 
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 832
Senior Member
Fanny pack
Old 07-05-2020, 03:36 PM
  #9

I recently noticed there are fanny packs with alarms. Not sure your dogs would appreciate that but you might want to consider it if it continues to be an issue.
Loveslabs is offline   Reply With Quote
ASAM's Avatar
ASAM ASAM is offline
 
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,196
Senior Member

ASAM
 
ASAM's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,196
Senior Member

Old 07-05-2020, 05:19 PM
  #10

I wear a pouch (made for dog treats and such) and carry an air horn and a spray called halt. It's for dog attacks but could be used for people too.


ASAM is offline   Reply With Quote
BioAdoptMom3 BioAdoptMom3 is offline
 
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 69,114
Senior Member

BioAdoptMom3
 
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 69,114
Senior Member

Old 07-05-2020, 06:09 PM
  #11

I would have been scared too, and I admire you for what you said and did! Good that you notified the police.

Nancy
BioAdoptMom3 is offline   Reply With Quote
raelyn raelyn is offline
 
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 251
Full Member

raelyn
 
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 251
Full Member
Following You
Old 07-05-2020, 07:15 PM
  #12

May be he was just out walking. You were in his neighborhood. You said he was in his yard picking up sticks or something. Perhaps he was already getting ready to walk when you passed. Perhaps it was just coincidental and you overreacted thinking he was following you. You were detracted on your phone. Maybe after you yelled an obscenity at him he stopped because you scared him. He was only out walking and suddenly he's being verbally assaulted. What if he went in a called the police on you saying there was a lady out with 3 dogs threatening him. Then they rolled up on you, threw you to ground, beat and kicked you, and accused you of resisting arrest or trying to get your hands on their gun. You end up in critical condition or worse, deceased.Times are different now as we all know. Everything is not always as it seems/how we think. Innocent people are dying for no reason.

Overacting is how that young man ended up dead by the hands of the police. Someone said he looked suspicious because he was wearing a face mask over his mouth in February at a convenience store. He had just bought iced tea and was walking home with his headphones in late at night. They called the police. He had it on to help keep him warm which is something he did frequently. Someone's overreaction started the chain of command that caused the death of that young man. How else could you have handled that?
raelyn is offline   Reply With Quote
sisterwoman sisterwoman is offline
 
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,181
Senior Member

sisterwoman
 
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,181
Senior Member

Old 07-06-2020, 01:29 AM
  #13

I respectfully disagree with raelyn. For your own safety, you cannot assume someone is harmless. I would always encourage you to go with your intuition when your safety is at stake. It was equally smart and kind of you to inform the police in case the man needed help.
sisterwoman is offline   Reply With Quote
MalloryJames MalloryJames is offline
 
Joined: Jun 2020
Posts: 324
Junior Member

MalloryJames
 
Joined: Jun 2020
Posts: 324
Junior Member

Old 07-06-2020, 06:41 AM
  #14

I thank everyone for their thoughtful input. I appreciate it.
MalloryJames is offline   Reply With Quote
Gromit's Avatar
Gromit Gromit is online now
 
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,891
Senior Member

Gromit
 
Gromit's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,891
Senior Member

Old 07-06-2020, 08:34 AM
  #15

Are you saying you walked backwards for two blocks?

I personally think women tend to overreact to perceived threats to safety (I see it on PT, FB, and IRL all the time), and I think biases lead our guts in the wrong direction sometimes, but I do agree there's some value in listening and assessing our gut reactions.

But if I felt uncomfortable (and having someone taking a walk at the same time as me on a public path wouldn't likely do it unless there was something else off), I'd change my route. Cross the street, make a turn up a driveway, turn suddenly at a corner.

If the guy is just out for a walk, he didn't deserve being verbally attacked like that. If he wasn't just out for a walk, you'd have more evidence than being on the same path as you at the same time. (Though if you were walking backward and staring at him for two blocks, that might be the more evidence.)

I'm not above yelling at a stranger, though usually it was in defense of my leashed dog against an unleashed dog. But based on what's written here, I don't think there was enough evidence to warrant it.
Gromit is online now   Reply With Quote
MalloryJames MalloryJames is offline
 
Joined: Jun 2020
Posts: 324
Junior Member

MalloryJames
 
Joined: Jun 2020
Posts: 324
Junior Member
Gromit
Old 07-06-2020, 08:49 AM
  #16

Yes, I walked backward for 2 blocks.

I understand what you're saying. But he was way up in his yard and then he decides to take a walk right when I pass? The way he looked at me...I can't really explain it, but I am not a highly reactive person and something about him creeped me out. And I agree with this:
Quote:
there's some value in listening and assessing our gut reactions.
I was asking about reporting the incident though I can see why some thought I was asking about my actions in the moment.

Again, I thank everyone for taking the time to respond.
MalloryJames is offline   Reply With Quote
msd2
 
 
Guest

msd2
 
 
Guest

Old 07-07-2020, 03:48 AM
  #17

It might be interesting to hear this story from his perspective.

The right course of action would be to cross the street at an intersection and double back and see what he does. Then you would know if he was truly following you.

I've been followed before by a pervert (yes - a real want to hurt you pervert). I understand the fear. But in my opinion, you did not act appropriately.

Your "not right" was that he responded to your good morning with something you couldn't hear because you were on the phone and he chose to walk in the same direction as you. You have no idea what he thought you said. I'm all for recognizing the gut, but I am also for making good choices at that point. (See my recommendation above.) You get angry based on your perception of something that may or may not be true. He may be harmless and you may have given him the idea to walk. Of course, he may have had evil intentions of following you to your house and committing horrible crimes.

Calling the cops is a bit over the top to me. He didn't expose himself. He didn't run up on you. He just walked on the same sidewalk/road in the same direction as you.

I can see this man going home and telling his friend about the crazy woman who walked backwards for two blocks and yelled obscenities at him.
  Reply With Quote

Join the conversation! Post as a guest or become a member today. New members welcome!

Reply

 

>
Teachers' Lounge
Thread Tools




Sign Up Now

Sign Up FREE | ProTeacher Help | BusyBoard

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 02:54 PM.

Copyright © 2019 ProTeacher®
For individual use only. Do not copy, reproduce or transmit.
source: www.proteacher.net
16