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I'm missing everything!
Old 02-07-2013, 06:00 PM
  #1

DS is almost 3 months old. I leave before he wakes up. I'm at work all day when he's awake (ok, he's not awake the whole time, but he's more awake). I come home, see him for an hour or so, feed him, and he falls asleep. DH gets up with him at night so I can sleep in order to go to work.

I'M MISSING EVERYTHING! I miss my baby.


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Sad for you
Old 02-07-2013, 06:14 PM
  #2

Did you have any maternity leave? Teachers here get 1 year paid leave, then they can work at 60-80% for the next two years and still come back full-time to their original positions.

My boys are much older and I had only 3 months leave with them. I remember that pain of leaving them to go to work and how sad I was when their sitter said, "You should've seen ..."
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Old 02-07-2013, 06:19 PM
  #3

And time goes by SO fast (as say, as the mother of an 18 year-old!)

Can you get more time? One of my coworkers came back this past September after being out on maternity leave from the spring until the end of the year. She just decided to take a leave of absence starting March 1 until the end of the school year. I think she will be back in September... She said she just wanted to spend more time with her son. They saved up as much as they could to help them through this time (to make up for her missing paycheck).
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Wow!
Old 02-07-2013, 06:19 PM
  #4

What a great system. Nothing like that in Nebraska!
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Old 02-07-2013, 06:22 PM
  #5

I feel the same way- my DS is almost 4. I didn't see him sit up or crawl for the first time. Finally, I got smart and told the daycare not to say a word when he did something for the first time- that helped so much! First words, walking.....I have no idea if he started at daycare or just at home. It made me feel more connected if I got to experience those "firsts".

Hope it gets better- it is a terrible feeling.


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video
Old 02-07-2013, 07:33 PM
  #6

Who watches him during the day? I used to keep my sister's baby when she went back to work, and she felt the same way. I made her a videotape with random things we/she was doing and my sister loved it! I also took snapshots often and made her a scrapbook out of them.

Maybe you can see if they can take some videos of him occasionally to share with you. I know it's not the same as being there with him, but it's something.
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Missing everything
Old 02-07-2013, 07:42 PM
  #7

I had 6 weeks FMLA. My school doesn't have paid maternity leave. I could take up to 12 weeks, but DH is unemployed and I ran out of paid days off 3 days before the doctor cleared me to go back to work. Any day I miss, I get docked. We can't afford that. I can't even take a day off here or there just to spend with him. DH is applying for any and all jobs he can, but there just doesn't seem to be anything out there.

I'm so lucky that DH is staying home with him. I can text him whenever I don't have students and get an update/picture. And my job is fairly relaxed so on some days DH brings DS over near the end of the day to pick me up (we have one car).

I made DH promise me that he wouldn't tell me when he does any "firsts" while I'm at work. What kills me is I don't know his schedule, I don't know how his day usually goes. I have no control over that. It's not that I think he's forgotten me or doesn't know who I am. I just don't want to miss anything! I've asked him to video/take pictures but thus far he's trying to keep up with DS and hasn't. lol

Six more days until our next day off.

Counting the days until the weekend/our next break are what is getting me through the year right now. I love my job...but I love my baby so much more.
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Old 02-07-2013, 07:56 PM
  #8

I remember those days. Honestly, I wanted to get up with my babies in the middle of the night for their feedings. I just loved holding them and feeding them before putting them back to bed. How far do you live from your school? Can your dh come to school and have lunch with you once in a while? Since your dh is home with him, maybe you could have some flexibility with that. I lived for days off and summer vacation. I still do. Even though my boys are older, they're still only young for so long. I cherish our time together and try to make it a time they look forward to as well.
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what????
Old 02-08-2013, 03:07 AM
  #9

Quote:
Teachers here get 1 year paid leave, then they can work at 60-80% for the next two years and still come back full-time to their original positions.
Where in the world is this????? that is amazng! You get paid for 1 year?? I never ever heard of that!!!
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Canada
Old 02-08-2013, 04:30 AM
  #10

IN Canada we get a 1 year paid leave.

I was offered a job to teach in the United States and I declined it becasue in Canada we have AMAZING mat leave benefits!


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Old 02-08-2013, 04:51 AM
  #11

I completely understand the feeling!!! I have two young children and feel that way now. I was very lucky to be able to take 6 months for my daughter and 9 months for my son. However, now I do feel guilty, especially when I have a lot of after school meetings and don't get home until 6 at least once a week. On weekends I feel like I'm just running around trying to get all the errands done and not really spending quality time with my kids. I would have loved to stay at home for another year or two, but we need the insurance.

If leaving your job is not an option, just try and look forward to your summer vacations and breaks. We are lucky to have those times. I have a wonderful sitter who makes it easier because I know she takes wonderful care of my kids as is like a grandma to my children. Hang in there!!!! I know it's hard.....
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Thank you!
Old 02-08-2013, 05:25 AM
  #12

Thank you for the support and suggestions, everyone. I'm going to try all of them. It's helpful to know others have been where I am, know how I feel, and have lived to tell about it. All my friends are SAHMs so they can sympathize, but they don't experience what I'm going through. They have their own set of complaints.

Quitting or taking more time off isn't an option right now, so I'm just going to make the most of the evenings, weekends, and breaks. I'm also going to hope, pray, and beg that DH finds not only a job but a job that pays enough that we can consider me staying home with DS in the future.

Quote:
How far do you live from your school? Can your dh come to school and have lunch with you once in a while?
I can walk out of my building and practically see my driveway. DH walks over with DS over once a week or so at the end of the day when I don't have kids, but still have to be here. He'd bring him more often, but I don't want to get in trouble, you know?
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Sorry
Old 02-08-2013, 09:49 AM
  #13

I feel the same way about my 10 month old. I see him about 30 before dh takes him to the sitter and for those 30minutes I am rushing to give him breakfast and get him dressed. I get home @ 5 and he goes to bed at 7- again, that time is spent eating and cleaning up.
I second the advice a pp gave you- I asked our sitter (who is wonderful!) not to tell me if he crawled, clapped, etc there. I want ot believe I am seeing it first.

Good luck
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Have DH bring him over more!
Old 02-08-2013, 10:36 AM
  #14

Lunch is your time, I'm assuming and your contract ends at a certain time of day, correct?

Have your DH bring him over more. Seriously you are not a slave to your school. Having DH and DS in your classroom afterschool shouldn't be a big deal after your contract hours.

Good luck! Any chance of a job share when your DH is able to find work and you are both able to bring in at least the same amount you do right now? I know job shares have been a decent compromise for many of my co-workers/friends. Still a lot of work, but a few days or every morning/ every afternoon at home.

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Sorry but...
Old 02-08-2013, 11:01 AM
  #15

You sound like you have an almost ideal thing going on. Your dh stays home with the baby right? That is so ideal. Instead of thinking poor me, think of the wonderful bond your dh will have with your child. You live so close your dh can walk baby over at every lunch if he wants? You have this summer to hang with baby! And you love your job?? I think you need to look at all the positive things you have going on!

So many dh never get to stay home with their babies. It truly makes the, better fathers and more understanding. I am thinking that sometime in the future you will be home with your babies, but just think of how blessed you are that you get to leave him in the warm comforting arms of the guy you love most in the world!

I am speaking from experience here! . My dh spent the first 7 years as an at home dad. I started looking at all the blessings of that arrangement and loved the summers we all had together! My dh is also extremely close to all of our boys, and I attribute that to being home. I bonded with them no matter what because I think it is just easier for moms...

. Trip
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