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melonjar melonjar is offline
 
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When your a parent and a teacher...
Old 04-11-2013, 03:34 PM
  #1

It can be tough to teach where your child goes to school. And when her teacher is a good friend of yours.

My DD is in a class with a friend of mine. Sometimes things don't seem fair to DD (and sometimes I agree that they aren't fair). It's hard to say anything to the teacher.

Her teacher gives the spelling test on Thurs. If students get 100%, then they get free Friday. The others who didn't have to retake it on Friday. My DD is an excellent speller and usually gets free Friday. Today her teacher decided to give a bonus word that wasn't on the list. My DD got all of the list words correct, but missed that bonus word. Now she has to take the test again tomorrow. I guess I agree that it isn't fair. That a bonus word isn't a word that was meant to be studied and is an extra point.

Sigh.


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Old 04-11-2013, 04:03 PM
  #2

I wouldn't have penalized for a bonus word not on the list, but as long as all students are being treated equally I probably wouldn't say anything. Did she provide a written document of Her policies? If it states that if they get a 100 on Thursday that they don't have to take the test Friday, then it might be something to discuss.
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Yes, I see...
Old 04-11-2013, 04:14 PM
  #3

...but here's an opportunity for you (as a parent) to help your child understand that there will often be things in the world that seem not to be fair. That as a person, she will need to determine if that unfairness is merely an inconvenience that she should tolerate or a damaging incident that she should speak up about. She should learn that tolerating minor inconveniences will give her credibility if she should find something significant to speak up about. People who complain about a lot of things tend to be discounted. This is an important lesson for children to learn.

As to whether or not it was unfair, I guess I'd be interested in knowing what the bonus word was. For example, if her spelling list was poke, smoke, joke, and stroke, and she asked the students to spell broke, that might not be unfair. If she asked they to spell cycle because they've been studying the water cycle, that might not be unfair. If she asked them to spell hippopotamus, that's probably unfair.
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Old 04-11-2013, 04:52 PM
  #4

I like the idea of using this as a teachable moment about life, as Private Eyes stated.

My own kids have had teachers who I know well and like. Do I always agree with them? No. Do I think parents always agree with me? Probably not. Do I want them to tell me every time they don't agree? Definitely not. In the grand scheme of things, having to take a spelling test over again on Friday is really not that big of a deal.
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Life is Not Fair
Old 04-11-2013, 05:44 PM
  #5

Teachable moment...life is not fair...we all make mistakes and learn from them.

There will be times when you just accept the outcome and life goes on. There will be other times when it is appropriate to speak up about it. In my opinion, this is not one of the times to speak up.

My response would have been..."OK, tomorrow you are taking the spelling test" and the conversation would have been over. Sometime reacting to the "little stuff" makes it become "big stuff."

Perhaps this is just an issue of wanting to be the best all the time...getting 100% on Thursday's test is a goal that this week she did not meet...disappointing but OK.

Have there been other Fridays when your daughter had to take the spelling test? Is your daughter being judged by the other students because she did not get 100% today, or is she just judging herself because today she was not perfect?



Last edited by ConnieWI; 04-11-2013 at 06:12 PM..
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when you're a teacher
Old 04-11-2013, 06:27 PM
  #6

and a parent and your child attends the same school where you work and her teacher is your friend it can certainly be a sticky situation.

I know you are just venting here as you have not asked for advice.

Lately I have been working in a school with lots of very intelligent people all around me. I can see the wheels spinning with all of the different parents and teachers and wonder what they must be thinking. I notice a lot of whispering and hush hush discussions. It makes me feel strange. I am used to loud mouthed crass people. Am not sure which is worse. Off topic, somewhat I know.

Hang in there. The year is nearly over.
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Old 04-12-2013, 03:50 AM
  #7

I have been there...I had to accept that IF I chose to have my kids at school with me, it meant you really do have to keep many of your thoughts to yourself. Especially, if you were able to pick their teacher. These people will be your coworkers long after your child has moved on. When my oldest was in first grade (21 years old now), his spelling words were the days of the week. He spelled everyone of them correctly, BUT he started with Monday. He got an F on the test because he didn't start with Sunday. I thought that was ridiculous. But, .....
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