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melonjar melonjar is offline
 
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melonjar
 
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Helping my DH be a better dad...
Old 02-02-2014, 07:20 PM
  #1

My DH loves video gaming. He spends A LOT of time on the computer. He works, eats, goes to the computer. Over a weeks time he spends more time on the computer playing video games than he does with me or our DD. We have mentioned this before...asked that he spend less time gaming and more time with family. He does for a while, then goes back to his old habits.

That being said, he does stop gaming if we ask him to do something with us, like go for a walk, help my DD with homework...whatever. If we ask, he almost always stops and joins in. We also have family night every Sat. so we do all spend time together then. However, after asking for years, I started thinking how it affects my DD. It would be nice now and then for HIM to ask and initiate activities with her (and me). I think she feels like he's selfish, and less important because she always does the asking. Also, he and I rarely do anything together or spend time together.

I am taking grad. classes and I have a heavy load of coursework to do each week. I am just too busy to hang with my DD all day. She just watches TV, playing on her tablet or finds something else to do. I think my DH should spend time with her since I'm so busy.

We approached him with a request to take breaks from his gaming and invite my DD to do activities. He became very defensive and angry and said he didn't know she was bored (this is true). He felt attacked. He said all she has to do is ask. We explained how it would make her feel if he actually asked. He didn't understand why he should. He talked about not knowing what to do with her and mentioned "What will happen 2 years down the road when she's not interested in what I do and I'm not interested in what she does?" I simply said, "So you won't spend time with her at all?"

Anyway, I'm wondering if we were too hard on him. Then, I'm thinking this could be a wake up call...at least I hope.


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Just a thought or two
Old 02-02-2014, 08:45 PM
  #2

Does your DD actually feel left out? In your post I read a lit of "I think she feels." Could you be projecting your feelings on her? My dad didn't spend much time with me growing up due to his work. But my mom was so intentional on lifting my dad up in my presence, reminding me that he worked so hard because he loved us, that I truly didn't mind.

Yes, your DH needs to spend more time with you guys. It's good for all of you, but nagging isn't the way to accomplish that. Keep inviting him, perhaps even join him in his gaming.
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Old 02-03-2014, 07:12 PM
  #3

How old is DD? Is she still young enough for bedtime stories? If so, tell him for the next several weeks while you are working on grad school work you need for him to read her bedtime story. Is she old enough to join him in any of the video games? If so, have him hook up another set of controllers so they can play together.

Nancy
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time
Old 02-03-2014, 09:09 PM
  #4

I think it is okay for Dad to have time to enjoy playing video games. You have family time on Saturdays and he takes walks and plays games when asked. I understand that you wish he would initiate the activities. Maybe if you had scheduled stuff you come up with together. Share things HE likes with what SHE likes. Not sure how old DD is, but here are some ideas:
read chapter book together before bed
Exercise together/ walking dog
play a video game they both like
Wednesday night dessert making night
Tuesday card games
Cook Fancy Dinner on Fridays


I do think it is good for DD to have time to herself, too. Does she have any neighbor friends she could play with in the afternoons for a little while?
I wouldn't make scheduled stuff EVERY day. Maybe two or three times a week would be fun.
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melonjar melonjar is offline
 
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Thanks...
Old 02-08-2014, 05:39 PM
  #5

for the suggestions and opinions. After that night, he has decided to spend after work until DD bath time upstairs with the family. Then from her bedtime to his bedtime he can do his own thing (video games). So far it is nice to have him upstairs more, even if he does sit on the couch playing games on his Kindle. I think as time moves on, he'll get more involved with DD.


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