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Wedding issues - future in-laws
Old 07-31-2019, 06:15 PM
  #1

So DS is getting married in January to a girl we adore along with her family.

We (future DIL and her mom) had talked about going to look at dresses together in the fall/early spring. Future DIL and her mom went several times by themselves and DIL and mom both got dresses. I wasn't asked to go (which was fine but it would have been fun).

So mom emails me two months ago asking if I wanted to go look at dresses. I said sure. Well, DS and future DIL bought a house during this time (in which mom and her DH were very much involved - not so much DH and I) and they had some health issues with her husband's mom. I totally forgot about going with her. I went once to a bridal store to look at dresses and tried a few on to get an idea of style. Fast forward to Saturday and I was at the mall and stopped in Macy's, found a dress, and got it. Mom emails me today asking if I want to go Sunday. I told her I got my dress and the circumstances (we are in the process of selling our house so we were out killing time while someone was looking at the house). Well....she replied to me that "they were looking forward to going together. I hope your color matches or coordinates with what DIL wanted. Good luck selling your house and I'll talk to you later." I did email her back and apologized and just said that we were out due to the house showing.

Yikes....


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Old 07-31-2019, 06:18 PM
  #2

Why not go and see if you find something you like better? If you do, then return the first dress. If not, you have the dress you bought.
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Old 07-31-2019, 06:22 PM
  #3

Try not to buy into the trap of always pleasing her. Be confident with your dress choice and forget about her comment.
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Old 07-31-2019, 06:32 PM
  #4

Ooops.

I'd vote for inviting her over to see your dress and then shopping for shoes and accessories. And if you happen to find an even nicer dress while you are out, return the first one.
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Old 07-31-2019, 06:34 PM
  #5

I'd say I was looking forward to it also but just couldn't pass up the dress I found (we all know what happens when we pass up that perfect dress ) Then maybe you could offer an alternative outing, have her come over to see the dress and then go have lunch and discuss all those wonderful wedding details.


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Old 07-31-2019, 06:45 PM
  #6

They went without you and both got dresses. Now her mom wants to approve of what you are wearing?
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Old 07-31-2019, 06:57 PM
  #7

Wear the dress you want.

The world won’t fall apart if your dress doesn't coordinate to suit the in-laws.
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Old 07-31-2019, 06:59 PM
  #8

I went through something similar when my first son got married. It was not a good time for either of us. I did, however return it and got one that she liked.

In this case, it seems to me the bride's mom seems to be in control. I would check with the bride to be and do what she wants. There are lots of choices of dresses that should be acceptable to her.
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Old 07-31-2019, 07:02 PM
  #9

Sounds like a mom zilla. They shopped without you. I wouldnt say anything else about it.
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Old 07-31-2019, 07:03 PM
  #10

I agree- still go for the experience. They’re trying to include you.

My sister is going through this right now- my mom is extremely jealous of the future MIL, and it’s creating a lot of extra stress surrounding the wedding. The groom’s mom is just picking a dress out of her closet, and it’s been a big fight over colors lol.


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Old 07-31-2019, 07:06 PM
  #11

Good grief...they blew you off and now they want to control you!

I do understand in the excitement of things that probably thought it would be a great idea to have you go along, but in reality, many mom's & DD's do this task on their own. My friend had the same thing happen you did and she was hurt because she doesn't have any daughters to do this with another time.

I get everyone wants things to coordinate,but there are colors that are not going on my body no matter who is on charge of the wedding. I'll cringe if either of my kids do an all black wedding. I look like death in black!

I would probably say...let's go shopping. You never know what you might find! And least if all it makes you a team player
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Old 07-31-2019, 07:15 PM
  #12

I agree with your “yikes”. Wedding planning can make some people a little nuts! They shopped without you. You did nothing wrong. I agree with pp. I wouldn’t mention it again and see if your future daughter-in-law brings it up. I didn’t care what my mom or mother-in-law chose as long as they liked it and were happy!
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Dress.
Old 07-31-2019, 08:09 PM
  #13

I'd let it go. Wear the dress you selected and celebrate your son's nuptials.

If I found out my mother reacted that way toward my future MIL, I'd be mortified.

FWIW, my MIL's dress didn't match my wedding palette at all and I didn't care, neither did anyone else. She was happy and looked lovely.
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Old 08-01-2019, 02:13 AM
  #14

Love Anna’s advice! I don’t get the whole coordinating dress color thing. Mother of the bride and groom should get whatever color looks best on them. They are not technically part of the bridal party. I’m sure you picked a lovely dress and will look amazing in it. They’ll have to get over it.
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Old 08-01-2019, 02:57 AM
  #15

I love Anna's advice too. TBH I find the comment about hoping it coordinates with the bride's colors off-putting. It comes across as being controlling. She could have written, "Oh that's too bad, Bride-to-be was really looking forward to it!" Anyway, I"d keep the dress. I'm sure you'll look amazing!!
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Old 08-01-2019, 03:08 AM
  #16

Quote:
! I don’t get the whole coordinating dress color thing. Mother of the bride and groom should get whatever color looks best on them. They are not technically part of the bridal party. I’m sure you picked a lovely dress and will look amazing in it. They’ll have to get over it.
^^^^^^^^^Agree 100%!!!!! Wth should it matter, haha???
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Old 08-01-2019, 04:23 AM
  #17

You can wear whatever you want. If they already bought their dresses why do they need to go dress shopping with you? They did not include you in their selection so they should have no say in your selection. I would invite them to lunch instead.
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Not Good
Old 08-01-2019, 04:41 AM
  #18

They went to buy dresses without you and now are upset that you bought a dress on your own? You should wear the dress that you purchased. I don't understand why the mother of the groom's dress needs to match anything.

Last edited by travelingfar; 08-01-2019 at 12:24 PM..
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Old 08-01-2019, 04:52 AM
  #19

I'd do nothing and plan to go ahead and plan wear the dress you chose.

Has your future DIL even talked with you in the past about her colors or your choice of dress? Usually, DIL mention their colors and let the mothers pick on their own. I've never heard of the bride's mother being so controlling about the groom's mother's dress!

Do and say nothing futher about your dress and see if your future DIL contacts you about the dress. She should be the one communicating with you, not her mother. Could be the mother is the only one concerned with all of this! Your future DIL might not even know her mother made that comment to you.

In reality, the only time you will be in a group photo "coordinating" with the bride's flowers and her family is when the photographer takes those 1 or 2 photos of the newly married couple standing next to both sets of parents. And let's face it that photo will not be framed and on display in anybody's home, so it really doesn't matter!
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Old 08-01-2019, 06:01 AM
  #20

Gosh, I think your future in-laws are making a mountain out of a molehill. If your family is like mine, you’ll always be close to your son and his wife, but you won’t have much to do with her family. EllaKate, I hope you enjoy the day and feel beautiful.
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Wedding issues
Old 08-01-2019, 06:41 AM
  #21

How does your future DIL fit into all of this? Has your DS said anything?

I say wear the dress you bought. MIL sounds bossy.

However, you could always contact her and say, “since the dress buying didn’t go as planned, how about we do lunch and visit.”
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Old 08-01-2019, 09:47 AM
  #22

I was told to wear a specific color. I worked hard to find something appropriate. At the wedding I was not invited to most of the photo shoot and was in a total of four pictures. All that stress for no reason IMO. If the dress fits the occasion (basic color palate and formality level, doesn't match the bride or bridesmaids, etc.) I'd wear the dress you have and try to just let it go.
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Old 08-01-2019, 11:44 AM
  #23

Thank you everyone for your kind responses and thoughts.


My dress, that I adore, is navy. I'm not worried about it as like someone else said, I'll barely be in a picture. It looks good and it fits.
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Because I'm hateful.
Old 08-01-2019, 12:27 PM
  #24

Tell her you are coming in a black garbage bag dress, designed by Kanye West. Black goes with everything. Nuff said.

I've got a roaring migraine. My fawks to give are dependant on how many times I would actually ever see them again.

My parents saw my in laws twice in the 25 years years we have been together.
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I think it's weird, too
Old 08-01-2019, 02:12 PM
  #25

Quote:
! I don’t get the whole coordinating dress color thing. Mother of the bride and groom should get whatever color looks best on them. They are not technically part of the bridal party. I’m sure you picked a lovely dress and will look amazing in it. They’ll have to get over it.
^^^^^^^^^Agree 100%!!!!! Wth should it matter, haha???
My mother-in-law was very worried about her dress color and I had never really considered that people had to match colors. We didn't even have a wedding party so I feel like there was nothing to match. We got married on the beach so she wore blue....to match the ocean. I think she thought I was not speaking up when I told her that everyone can wear whatever they want.
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Old 08-01-2019, 06:53 PM
  #26

Traditionally the mother of the bride should select her dress first. (No idea why, but as a mom with 4 sons that is what I was always told.) She selected a dress which left you free to choose your own. Wear your dress and enjoy your son's big day!! (I personally hope you look better in yours than the MOB looks in hers!)
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