I remember a time when parents did not want to be bothered with their child’s issues in the classroom. When we would call home for support, parents would tell us it’s our classroom, our problem. They (parents) weren’t there so as teachers we needed to handle it. So we did and they generally stayed out of it. We talked to, reminded, scolded, disciplined students, etc. Parents were rarely asked, just notified of what happened or was happening because they didn’t want to be part of the process. I guess they trusted us teachers. Now, I am getting some ‘concerns’ from parents for doing what I’ve done for so long. Parents now days do not want a teacher even talking to their child with a serious tone. I feel kind of dumb because I'm only realizing this now. When did it change?
edited because I forgot to add: Why don't parents now want teachers to use a serious tone with their child?
Don’t feel dumb. I’m amazed you’ve avoided this up until now.
I feel like the shift started with NCLB and it’s just gotten worse since then. I don’t think there’s one single thing that led to where we are now. I feel like it’s a lot of issues inside education and inside the home (that we have no control over) that have led us to this point.
I agree it's a lot of different things, but I think what often gets ignored is the enormous stress people are under just trying to get by these days. People are working far longer hours/more stressful jobs for less money. "Back in the day" it was completely feasible for an entire family to live comfortably on one income, and that one income could be a completely "normal" job. Now many parents are working 2 and 3 jobs or working an enormous amount of hours and are struggling to pay bills. There is no way for many to catch up/keep up.
Obviously personal choice comes into it. I've even heard fellow teachers say something to the effect of, "I see my child(ren) so little; I want the time to be happy/pleasant. I don't want to spend the little time we have together yelling at or fighting with him/her." BUT, I think when people talk about "back in the day things were different" they don't take into the account how much more difficult life has gotten for people.
Oh, you are lucky to have dodged this bullet for so long.
I have been told:
Your only job is to love my child.
My child doesn’t like to be called on.
Please don’t talk loudly to my child.
My child is sensitive. Can she leave the room to (this is the honest to god truth) commune with the birds?
My child doesn’t like it when you reprimand him.
“She doesn’t come to Zoom meetings because she gets uncomfortable when people stare at her.”
WTF, lady. Your child is a 2” box. Nobody is staring at her. We are looking at the camera.
“He doesn’t want to get out of bed.” Neither did I, yet here I am.
This is one reason why I try and have as much parent contact as possible (loving class dojo for this). It is amazing how many times I’ve had to show evidence that a child did not log onto the meet or did not hand in work. Thank god for time stamping. It’s as if parents really think I want to spend my time calling them to lie that their child wasn’t in class
It's this generation of parents with a huge need to never let a child deal with any difficult emotions. For example, my DIL was deeply offended because I sent the grandkids a pop-up book this summer and in my note I told them I missed them (COVID restrictions.) That is not allowed.
The helicopter parents have moved aside and made way for the lawnmower parents--those who want to smooth every path in front of their child and make sure they never stumble, never struggle, and never experience a negative thought or emotion.
It's sad really. They are denying their child the opportunity to develop a growth mindset and learn from their mistakes; and understand that the world is not always going to cater to their every need and treat them with kid gloves.
I have a sign on my door that says "Your job is not to prepare the road for your child. It's to prepare the child for the road." And another that says something like "when you cut it for me, write it for me, do it for me (etc) all I learn is that you can do it better than me".
I totally agree that there are so many lawnmower parents these days. And it's no wonder that teens and young adults just can't cope once they hit some bumps in the road. They've never learned how. It's really tragic to see and I dearly hope that at some point soon the pendulum swings back to some point in the middle where part of raising children is helping them through disappointment and difficult situations and actually trying to be a parent, not a best friend.
It actually happened yesterday. I was asking a student to answer the question, to which the student responded: "wait, what? Ahh? Me?" It's as if she woke up from some kind of a stupor and made a face to show I was bothering her with my silly questions about math.
FYI, I run a tight ship in my classroom. So, in my usual stern and firm, but respectful voice, I ask the student to concentrate and I reminded ALL of the students to pay attention as I may be asking someone else to answer. Not a minute later an irate parent of that student emailed my partner (I co-teach) telling that I was rude to her child and that my overall tone was unprofessional. She also went on to say that I had no business teaching children if I talked to them that way.
While her precious snowflake was twirling her hair, fanning her hands because she was "hot", and playing pillow fights with her puppy.
I agree with Riko, parents are strict at home but God forbid you try to speak firmly to a child. Kids nowadays know they can do and say whatever they want and get away with it. What I really hate is parents who have children that are unpopular and they will ask teachers to fix the problem. Really? My job is to teach, not be your child's therapist!
I would just throw into the mix the observation that "remote" learning is a much more dramatic shift than most realize. Teachers are now on the parent's (or child's) turf. With it comes the almost unconscious expectation it includes a new set of rules. "As long as you're under my roof, you will follow my rules."
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01-31-2021, 04:59 PM
