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Thank you Note
Old 01-11-2020, 05:30 PM
 
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My sister is in a snit because her son (1st grade) has not sent a thank you for a $30 gift card yet. They go to an affluent school.
Apparently, DS (dear sister) has purchased expensive items from this teacherís Amazon wishlist, with a thank you strong-armed through an email.
She has emailed the teacher thanking her for the parent Christmas gift (that the parents funded- I bring that up because I personally buy the supplies for my parentsí gifts). And still no thank you for the $30 gift card.
I send thank you notes the day I receive gifts or mail thank yous during break. I teach at a Title 1 school.
I asked around at my school and some teachers still havenít gotten around to writing thank yous.
Are we old fashioned for expecting thank you notes shortly after the gift was received?


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Old 01-11-2020, 05:31 PM
 
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I also teach at a Title I school as well.

My thank you notes are either written and sent home the day I receive a gift or mailed to the student’s home over break.

However, I know teachers at my school who don’t do any thank you notes at all... it baffles me ����#♀️
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Old 01-11-2020, 05:32 PM
 
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No, I don't think it is expecting too much to expect a thank you note by now. I think its rude of the teacher not to have sent out thanks by now.
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Old 01-11-2020, 06:26 PM
 
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I did my thank you notes either the day I received them or the day after. Sheís right, she should have received one by now.
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Is is possible
Old 01-11-2020, 06:37 PM
 
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that dear son got and lost the thank you note? He is young. Could his teacher have instructed him to put it in his backpack, but it's entangled in the back of his desk? Could it be in an overlooked side pocket of his bookbag?

I'd not worry about it. It was a gift. If she's not happy with the teacher's lack of thank you notes, the answer, Ms. Manners would advise, is to stop giving presents.



Last edited by PrivateEyes; 01-11-2020 at 06:55 PM..
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Old 01-11-2020, 06:58 PM
 
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Was it truly a gift, or was it given with strings attached? I know etiquette expects a thank you note, but to me a gift is freely given with no expectations or demands. Why bother getting in a snit over it?
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I'm confused
Old 01-11-2020, 07:14 PM
 
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Who gave your son the $30 gift card?

Your DS emailed the teacher to thank her for the parent Christmas gift? So the parents' receive gifts from the teacher?

Regarding my practice, I email thank yous to parents during the evening on the day the gift was received.
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thank you notes
Old 01-11-2020, 07:28 PM
 
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I'm still working on my thank you notes.
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thank you notes
Old 01-12-2020, 02:14 AM
 
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I'm not sure about the original posters question, but I still believe thank you notes are an important politeness needed. It shows your gratitude and ensures that you indeed did receive the gift!
I keep a stash at school and try really hard to write them the same day. Kids love reading notes from us too!
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Old 01-12-2020, 03:30 AM
 
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Quote:
Who gave your son the $30 gift card?
Sorry if I was confusing, tgbwc, my sisterís son (my nephew) gave his teacher a gift card.

Quote:
Your DS emailed the teacher to thank her for the parent Christmas gift? So the parents' receive gifts from the teacher?
Yes, my sister emailed the teacher to thank her for the parent gift. It was a very cute Christmas ornament with her sonís picture on it. However, the supplies were purchased by the parents.


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Old 01-12-2020, 03:41 AM
 
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Quote:
that dear son got and lost the thank you note? He is young. Could his teacher have instructed him to put it in his backpack, but it's entangled in the back of his desk? Could it be in an overlooked side pocket of his bookbag?
I’m hoping this is what happened. I will tell her to tear apart the backpack. However, (like I said, she’s in a snit) she asked her neighbor (whose son was in her class last year) if she should expect a thank you and apparently the neighbor didn’t ever get one either.

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I'd not worry about it. It was a gift. If she's not happy with the teacher's lack of thank you notes, the answer, Ms. Manners would advise, is to stop giving presents.
Sister already said the teacher wouldn’t be receiving any end of year gift.

Unfortunately, this I just one of the things on a long list of things that irritates my sister about this teacher. I can usually side with the teacher and talk my sister off the ledge. This was the one time when I had no logical explanation for the teacher’s behavior for her so I wanted to know what you all thought.

Thanks for all the responses!
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TY note
Old 01-12-2020, 09:10 AM
 
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I say your sister needs to let it go and move on, with no retaliation.
Sheís being petty about the parent gift. It doesnít matter who bought the materials, the teacher took the time to have the class make it.

Yes, She should have sent a thank you note. Maybe it is buried in kidís desk or backpack. Maybe teacher didnít write one. I know a lot of teachers, and just regular people, who never write thank you notes. Iíve been to three weddings/showers and never received notes. Itís rude, but in the bigger scheme of life, not worth grieving over.
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Old 01-12-2020, 12:14 PM
 
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I always try to make sure I have mine written and mailed before we return to school from the holidays. I do know that some write them immediately and send them home with the student that day, but I think kids like to get mail so I mail mine.
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Old 01-12-2020, 02:14 PM
 
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I worked at a Title 1 school. I always kept a stash of thank you cards in my desk. I usually tried to write my thank youís the same day I received a gift. I sent them home in the Homework folder. I wanted to be an example to my students.
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Old 01-12-2020, 02:20 PM
 
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Manners have gone out the window. I always promptly thank my students with a written thank you note. How else are they going to learn what is appropriate?

As a side note, we recently had a joint baby shower for two teachers at my school. These are teachers whose students I work with on a daily basis. I carefully selected a gift for each mom-to-be and enclosed a card signed by me. They both have had plenty of time to provide some type of acknowledgment. I have not been thanked verbally, by email, phone call, or note and because of this experience, I don't think I will be doing any future gift-giving at school. Hate to say it, but younger people have not been taught manners.
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thank you cards
Old 01-12-2020, 02:42 PM
 
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Why does the teacher have to send a thank you card? Did he give the teacher the gift and the teacher opened it in front of him? Did she thank him after he opened it?

I have a hard time giving a thank you card because I have students who can't afford to give me a gift so they write me out a card or draw me a picture during class. Do I give a thank you card for the card? No - I give them a heart-felt hug and tell him how thoughtful they are and how much I love it - just like I do with every gift given to me.

I wouldn't say you're old fashioned to expect a thank you card, but I also think thank you cards are only necessary when you don't actually see them open it - like something put in the mail or a wedding where the gifts are opened later. The thank you card is the gift-givers way of letting you know they saw it and appreciate it. I find it totally unnecessary when they thank me in person.

Quote:
Sister already said the teacher wouldn’t be receiving any end of year gift.
That seems harsh. She's not giving the teacher a gift at the end just because the teacher didn't give her a thank you card?

I'm not a younger teacher (by any means), and I do have manners, but I just think it's silly to write a card after you've already verbally thanked them and they saw you open it.
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Old 01-12-2020, 03:18 PM
 
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Why does the teacher have to send a thank you card? Did he give the teacher the gift and the teacher opened it in front of him? Did she thank him after he opened it?
Unfortunately, I donít know the answer to this. I personally do not open gifts in front of other students. Sometimes I mail a thank you and sometimes I hand deliver the thank you. I can totally understand a hand delivered thank you getting lost. He is in first grade. I think it bothers her that she has donated half a class set of whisper phones from the teacherís Amazon wishlist that have never been used in class. When asked if she received them, apparently the teacher then said thank you and hinted that she needed a full class set to use them effectively.

Quote:
That seems harsh. She's not giving the teacher a gift at the end just because the teacher didn't give her a thank you card?
Like I said, she has it out for this teacher. The teacher is not new. From my sisterís description she is in her mid fifties. There is a list a mile long for why the teacher wonít get an end of a year gift. None of which I agree with. I try to explain to her as best I can all of the scenarios which would result in why the teacher would do certain things. She just doesnít get it. She has a very well paying job and does not work with children. Her son is an only child that was difficult to conceive. I donít want to give any more revealing details, but I am tired of listening to her complain about this teacher and even recommended her switching teachers back in October to spare this teacher this nonsense.
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It is interesting...
Old 01-13-2020, 04:22 AM
 
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It's interesting how, as the story unfolds, additional details "change" the scenario. It's also interesting that the teacher doesn't get much benefit of the doubt... until (if I'm following this correctly) we learn the parent:
Quote:
...has it out for this teacher
So the gifts and thank you notes and who knows what else are actually weapons.

Sigh. I will concede that in general thank you notes are becoming rarer--to some extent, I think it depends on the school's "culture." But I also think that we shouldn't reduce gift-giving to an exchange whereby "I'll give you something as long as you send me a thank you." That says more about the giver than the recipient.

I belong to an organization that supports our schools, particularly at the elementary level... for years, we used to get a stack of handwritten thank you notes from the kids, often including related drawings. Teachers actually made it part of their writing curriculum. Then notes are becoming rare--I suspect because there's no longer flexibility in the curriculum. It's sad and we miss them, but we aren't going to stop giving.
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Old 01-13-2020, 06:17 AM
 
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However, (like I said, sheís in a snit) she asked her neighbor (whose son was in her class last year) if she should expect a thank you and apparently the neighbor didnít ever get one either.
She is too focused on this if she even asked a neighbor.

Gift giving should be done to bring joy to others, not to receive thanks.
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