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Clarity Clarity is offline
 
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Old 10-31-2019, 07:02 AM
  #1

When giving birthday and Christmas gifts to grandchildren, do you all try to keep things even?

My SO and I had a little disagreement this morning. On his grandson's birthday, he had given his grandson $50 and I had given him a separate gift that was significant (i.e., expensive). Today is his granddaughter's birthday (younger sister of the grandson) and he wanted to just give her a $25 gift card and did not think I needed to give her anything extra.

I said, absolutely not. Kids notice this stuff and you cannot do unequal gifts. I pretty much forced him to give her $50 and I gave her an extra gift from me.

What do you all think? Am I crazy?


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Old 10-31-2019, 07:07 AM
  #2

100% agree with you!! Always fair and equal to the best of your ability.
Happy Halloween!
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Old 10-31-2019, 07:17 AM
  #3

Why didn't he want to give the granddaughter as much as the grandson? Does he have a favorite?
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Old 10-31-2019, 07:25 AM
  #4

Absolutely agree with you. I even try to make sure that the number of gifts they get to open are equal.
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Old 10-31-2019, 07:27 AM
  #5

You are right! Fair and equal is the way to go because not only do kids notice but..parents really notice as well. Good parents dont play favorites and they want Grandparents to also be equal with children. There is no upside to playing favorites and eventually it will be a huge problem for you or your heirs. You can give small or big but always give the same. Good luck!


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Old 10-31-2019, 07:49 AM
  #6

You are right and not crazy! What is his reasoning? I just can't imagine doing that.

If my parents showed obvious favoritism towards one of my children I would tell them to stop or wouldn't see either of them. You are correct that kids do realize and I would not put my own kids through that.

You are awesome for advocating for her.
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Old 10-31-2019, 07:57 AM
  #7

My rule has always been equal number of gifts when they’re little and equal value when they’re older. But for money gifts it has to be equal value always. I’m hoping your SO just thought a younger child doesn’t need as much money and not that he has favorites but he’s still wrong.
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You are Correct
Old 10-31-2019, 07:59 AM
  #8

Kids Notice and you need to keep it pretty even with gift items and $ should be exact amount! At least that is my opinion.
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Old 10-31-2019, 08:08 AM
  #9

You're absolutely right. Children notice.
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To answer questions, I really don't know
Old 10-31-2019, 08:11 AM
  #10

why he was thinking like that today. I have known him for three years and he has always given the kids equal amounts of $$ and I have always given them a separate gift. I don't think he has a favorite. We don't get to see these kids very often because they are so busy with their school activities and he is always working. Ah, the joys of NOT being retired.


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Old 10-31-2019, 08:58 AM
  #11

Always keep gifts equal! Kids tell themselves all kinds of negative stories when things aren’t equal.
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Old 10-31-2019, 09:23 AM
  #12

If cash, definitely the same, whether birthday, holiday, wedding, etc.


The only time I could reasonably see giving different amounts is if you are giving actual gifts and you managed to get something on sale. For example, if giving gifts to 3 grandchildren, all gifts would have approximately same retail value, but maybe gift for child 1 was 20% off. All are still getting same value of gift and won't know the difference in actual price.
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Old 10-31-2019, 09:28 AM
  #13

The gift card amount should be the same. Your gift should be equal in value from the gift receiver’s perception. A younger child may want a toy that isn’t as expensive as a teen’s ear buds but would view them as the same value.
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Nope
Old 10-31-2019, 09:40 AM
  #14

You are not crazy at all. You can't always get exactly dollar for dollar even, but such a discrepancy would be noticed. I have two grandsons and I always try to be balanced. I don't ever want one to feel that we love one more than the other.
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Grands
Old 10-31-2019, 09:57 AM
  #15

With eight grandchildren, we scramble for gift ideas. When little, it was a book, small toy and perhaps a new coat or outfit. As they get older, it is a book and $50.00. So much easier!! We usually ask parents if they need something...
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Old 10-31-2019, 10:41 AM
  #16

We try to keep the gifts equal each year. Some years they get more than others, but it's everyone gets more or everyone gets less. Right now it's dinner with us, a same amount gift card, and a trip to the bookstore to pick out whatever book you want.
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Old 10-31-2019, 12:25 PM
  #17

Seems like grandparents would want to keep things even.

Even if the children would be too young to notice, the parents would certainly notice the difference in treatment.
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Old 10-31-2019, 12:36 PM
  #18

Gifts should be equal especially when dealing with money. I don't think your crazy at all.
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Old 10-31-2019, 01:08 PM
  #19

Quote:
My rule has always been equal number of gifts when they’re little and equal value when they’re older. But for money gifts it has to be equal value always.
This is what our family has always done as well.
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kids totally notice!
Old 10-31-2019, 01:30 PM
  #20

My aunt would do this all the time with me and my brother. One year he got 50.00 to a record store. I got glass bowls. I didn't need bowls and went to return them. They were 10.00. It's hurtful when you're younger.
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Old 10-31-2019, 03:51 PM
  #21

Agree with you! Gifts should be kept equal because kids do remember.

My parents divorced when I was very young. My mother remarried when I was four. My stepfather treated me like his own child. On the other hand, his mother not so much.

When I was six, my mother and stepfather had a child. Every holiday, my step-grandmother would bring loads of gifts for my half-sibling, but nothing for me (keep in mind I was a young child). I always felt awful. Kids do notice.
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Old 10-31-2019, 03:53 PM
  #22

Our family, cash always equal amounts. Number of packages the same when they were little, now that they are older dollar amount is still equal. Packages might not be the same amount though.
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Old 10-31-2019, 05:36 PM
  #23

I totally agree with you! They do notice, especially as they grow. And even if they are too small to notice or care, the parents notice.

Nancy
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Old 10-31-2019, 05:43 PM
  #24

I’m with Sam5. Yes, equal because it was money, but gifts should be equal in value to the recipient. A five year old may be dying for a Spider-Man glove that’s only $8.99 at Target while a teenager may want AirPods. You’re going to have one sad five year old if you get them AirPods or some other $150 item to keep things “fair.” Just like we’re always telling the students, equal and fair are not the same thing.
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Thanks for all the responses!
Old 11-01-2019, 05:06 AM
  #25

I thought I was on the right track, but it helps to know I'm not being unreasonable.
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Old 11-01-2019, 08:10 AM
  #26

That is horrible! If I were the parent I would not let her bring the things over or tell her she needed to bring for both. I am lucky in that my husbands parents send my kids (mine not ours we don´t have any together) birthday and Christmas gifts even though they don´t have to.
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