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Grandma Is Finding Her Way
Old 09-27-2017, 03:37 PM
  #1

DD wanted a weekend away to celebrate her anniversary and we happily agreed to babysit our 6 week old newborn grand daughter. I was told afterwards that we over fed her and next time please stick to feeding every 3 hours . DD was going by the amount of powder formula gone and I determined later how much I fed by how much purified water was gone. It appears I overfed by half an ounce at every feeding. Had I been told about the strict schedule and amount beforehand,I would not have babysat.

So,I decided to tell her we will not be able to babysit with these guidelines. I will not feed on a strict schedule. Oh well, navigating these new waters is not easy on occasion.
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Old 09-27-2017, 03:40 PM
  #2

Um half an ounce? I would have killed to have anyone babysit my daughter at 6 weeks out. I was lucky to have my mom to hand her off to as I was finishing classes and goodness knows I wasn't judging anything and just shut up.
BTW if you're not babysitting your darling granddaughter how about running herd on a 14 year old?
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Old 09-27-2017, 03:45 PM
  #3

I'm sorry your DD wasn't happy with how you took care of your granddaughter. I have a 3 week old DS and sometimes I feed him 2 ounces and other times he needs another ounce. She should been happy that you were able to take care of her and that she was happy. Hopefully, you can enjoy your granddaughter without having to worry about anything!
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Is this her first child?
Old 09-27-2017, 03:50 PM
  #4

Sounds like she is following the doctor's directions strictly because she is finding her way as well. I would let it roll right off my back. I am sorry she did not just say another thank you with a big smile.
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Your way
Old 09-27-2017, 03:55 PM
  #5

Way to go, Granny! Good for you for standing up to your DD. Maybe she forgot that you do know how to take care of a newborn


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Old 09-27-2017, 04:09 PM
  #6

Being a new mommy myself.. I can admit I've said and done the wrong things to my parents when they've babysat. My emotions and moods are everywhere. Maybe try ignoring her snippy comments? You're doing your best!
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Old 09-27-2017, 04:12 PM
  #7

Hahahaha. That's hilarious. Unless that baby has medical issues, your daughter is being super crazy.
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Old 09-27-2017, 05:15 PM
  #8

Honestly, she's a new mom with crazy hormones. I'd let it roll off my back.

Because....you may NEVER see DGD if you tell her that.
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Old 09-27-2017, 05:31 PM
  #9

Thanks everyone for your viewpoint. I did tell her that I will not not babysit with strictly timed feeding instructions. This directive came from both her and her dh. Her comment is not out of the norm for anything that has come up in the past 30 years. I feel I have a right to my thoughts regarding how to feed an infant and she has a right to her thoughts as well. We will work things out. We have a way of telling each other what we are thinking and we still have a good time together every now and then. I busted my a$$ watching my little grand girl and not many people I know would babysit a six week old infant waking up every 2 to 3 hours for feedings.
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Old 09-27-2017, 06:18 PM
  #10

Quote:
I feel I have a right to my thoughts regarding how to feed an infant and she has a right to her thoughts as well.
I disagree. It's her kid and her rules. I feel you have the right to refuse to abide by her rules and she has the right to not ask you to babysit.

You do have a right to your opinions. But, you don't have a right to act upon them with a child who isn't yours.

I was pretty specific about my child rearing and did not have anyone babysit my kids because I didn't want to get into it.


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Old 09-27-2017, 06:19 PM
  #11

I hope it works out for you if you watch your granddaughter again. Being a new mom is hard. We all just want what's best for our kids but it can make us crazy. I don't let people watch my kids who won't follow certain rules I feel are important. I think it was nice that you watched her, and I am sorry your daughter did not thank or validate you.

ETA: I think what Zia said is spot on!
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Old 09-27-2017, 06:25 PM
  #12

I would never do something contrary to the parents beliefs but I will not agree to watching a child with directions contrary to my beliefs.
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Old 09-27-2017, 06:25 PM
  #13

I have a 1 year old.
I commend you for watching a 6 week old. There is no way I could have left my 6 week old and I wouldn't have expected my parents to watch him. So little and so much work for a grandparent. She is very lucky you agreed to watch her.
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Old 09-27-2017, 06:42 PM
  #14

I want to add (because I feel my previous posts might come off harsh), I think it is fantastic you offered to babysit and I know, without a doubt, you did what you thought best.

I think you have to back off if your daughter disagrees about what is best. If that means you won't babysit any more, then so be it.
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Old 09-27-2017, 06:50 PM
  #15

If it were me, I’d buy my own formula for my cupboard. Then dd can’t check my feeding. Of course, I’d buy the same formula recommended by the baby's parents to avoid the “wrong formula” issue.
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Old 09-27-2017, 07:22 PM
  #16

Sorry you got such negative feedback after doing such a wonderful thing for your daughter/sil and the baby! I was thinking just like 1956, but from your other post it sounds like this type of exchange is par for the course and not necessarily a reflection of her having just had a baby and being hormonal and navigating new waters.

I think telling her you can't follow those strict guidelines was fine. I don't think you should just do what you think is right now that you've been told what she thinks is right (and I know you didn't say you'd do that), but I also think she's lost her ability to have you sit for the baby for long periods of time because her needs and desires are not in line with yours. I completely agree with you that you have a right to your thoughts about feeding and she was a right to her thoughts. Absolutely. But of course, her thoughts win in any case involving her baby (just like your thoughts won when she was your baby).

My mil and I had a rough learning curve after I had my first. She had very strong thoughts about what was ok, and so did I. She rarely sat for him for long (for many reasons), but the one time she had him for a few hours, she fed him donuts and gave him soda. He wasn't even a year old and it was SO against my beliefs (and she knew it, but said she thought a grandma had a right to feed the grand baby whatever she wanted... I disagreed. Vehemently). Although she often made comments about wanting to keep him overnight, there was no way I was going to let her (she also didn't believe babies needed to be in car seats-- no car seats when HER babies were little...) (and she thought nursing was improper and I was VERY pro-nursing).

Anyway, we finally found out way. I lightened up a little about some things, she started trusting in my own thoughts about how to raise a child, and we do well together now. I'm sorry your act of kindness and sacrifice (going back to no sleep is tough!) was met with such a reaction-- especially since it sounds like you weren't told of the strict regulations to start with.
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Old 09-27-2017, 07:27 PM
  #17

I commend you for agreeing to watch that 6 week old grandchild! I wonder though how she would know you didn't stick to the 3 hour schedule. If you accidently fed her 1/2 more at each feeding that would explain why more of the powder was gone, but she can't possibly know that you didn't adhere to every 3 hours. As time goes by she will hopefully calm down and relax a little bit.

Nancy
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Old 09-28-2017, 03:16 AM
  #18

I had a response typed up last night but apparently didn't hit post, and you've given more insight now.

As you said, you and your daughter will have to find a way to communicate your expectations. As the mom, she should be able to have some things that are non-negotiable for someone caring for her baby. Then she should be able to trust your judgement on the rest and learn to let go. If your daughter had posted on some of the baby forums I visit people would be going nuts about you refusing to follow her schedule!

My daughter is 7 months old and my mom and I are still negotiating this! Mom has gotten good at asking "how do you want me to do this?" With regard to feeding, sleep, etc. She babysat on Tuesday and missed a feeding, but DD didn't fuss and I didn't make the schedule clear so I know to explain better next time.

Just some perspective from my side. Kudos for watching such a tiny baby! I haven't subjected anyone else to my little non sleeper for more than 4 hours.
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Old 09-28-2017, 04:18 AM
  #19

I actually feel for you...

I guess things have changed since our (yours and mine) generation. Or maybe I was just more accepting...

When I had my first baby, my mom watched DD (2 months, approx.) for me while I went to a doctor's appointment. I came home and found DD in her little carrying seat, with a bottle propped up. My mom apologized profusely, as she knew that wasn't "my way". I didn't bat an eye. My mom had raised 8 children successfully. There was a reason she had propped the bottle for DD and I accepted it and never made her feel badly. I trusted and appreciated my mom's expertise (and help). I certainly would never make her feel badly. Sure, I had certain ways of doing things, but I also was well aware that, barring abuse/negligence, babies survive, even if 1 person doesn't do things exactly like another person.

I hope your DD learns to appreciate you/your help.
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Old 09-28-2017, 04:53 AM
  #20

Thanks everyone. Had I known about the strict schedule from the beginning I would not have babysat. I remember raising an eyebrow every now and then when my MIL watched my children but I accepted the help gracefully . I knew my mIL was trying to do what I wanted for my children. We did not ever want them spanked. So I was ready to say something had she done that but she never did.

Thanks to all of you for your input.
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Old 09-28-2017, 04:59 AM
  #21

Quote:
I came home and found DD in her little carrying seat, with a bottle propped up. My mom apologized profusely, as she knew that wasn't "my way". I didn't bat an eye.
.

Correct response.
Quote:
but the one time she had him for a few hours, she fed him donuts and gave him soda.
. This would not be okay, and I would understand mom being upset.

Unless there are medical reasons for such a strict diet, I would agree to it either. If I babysat and a baby slept through a feeding, that would be. If they were fussy or crying and I thought feeding was in order, I would. Otherwise, I wouldn't babysit either. That is a tad bit overbearing. End of story.
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Old 09-28-2017, 08:48 AM
  #22

I agree with you. If the baby is sleeping, does she wake her up to feed her because it's been three hours? I volunteer at the NICU and by the time these premies go home they are at every four hours or adlib. Is the feeding schedule her thing or what the doctor said?
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Old 09-28-2017, 09:27 AM
  #23

Quote:
but I accepted the help gracefully
I think this is what bothers all of us most. When we go out of our way for someone, we hope for gratitude. I don't know how many of us would leave our six week old so I think we can all see how there should have been more gratitude up front. If she needed to address it, then she should have at a different time. I hope it all works out nicely. It is tough to navigate these waters.
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Old 09-28-2017, 10:40 AM
  #24

Ah, the baby what to do dilemma.
My SD went back to work when the baby was eight weeks and my newly retired husband offered to babysit. Her husband started work later so the baby was only at our house about four hours each day.

SD was still breastfeeding so we only got one premeasured bottle. The book said that at this age X ounces was enough so that is what we got. When SD would arrive she'd have to feed the baby immediately as the bottle wasn't enough.

Because it was my SD I couldn't say anything. After several weeks of this step son in law had a day off from work. He fed the baby the premeasured amount and then, because baby was still hungry, called SD and had her come home. Next day the baby started supplemental formula.

New mother. First baby. Baby is only six weeks old. Daughter should calm down.
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Old 09-28-2017, 05:31 PM
  #25

No there is no medical issue at all. It is something the lactation consultant told her to do . Both dd and sil do not want to over feed and "cause obesity " or feed when the baby can soothe in other ways. Apparently they have read research on the matter.

I respect that but do not have to live by it. I was only told at drop off that the baby eats "about 3oz. every 3 hours or so." Both parents knew I will check for all the other reasons for fussiness before feeding more or feeding earlier.
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Old 09-28-2017, 05:40 PM
  #26

Nancy,my dd knew what the schedule was because I had written down when the feedings were and shared honestly with her.
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