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Am I really expected to send a gift?
Old 04-04-2020, 11:54 AM
  #1

My cousin was supposed to get married this weekend at a destination wedding in Mexico. I was invited, but declined. I RSVP'd my regrets and sent a present.

Obviously, it was cancelled. They're rescheduling for NJ (where they live) in August. Due to space limitations I won't be invited. I am totally ok with this. I haven't seen her in 15-20 years and I'm not close with her.

My mother told me she'd remind of the date and I could send a gift. Really? I feel like since I'm not invited I shouldn't be expected to send a gift. My mom is one of those people who sends gifts for every little event and attends everything she's invited to.

So, be honest, should I send a gift even though I'm not being invited?

TIA


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Old 04-04-2020, 12:02 PM
  #2

Didn't you already send a present the first time?

If you haven't seen her in 10+ years I don't think you need or have to, IMO.
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No.
Old 04-04-2020, 12:02 PM
  #3

No, especially since you already sent a present.
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Old 04-04-2020, 12:06 PM
  #4

If you already sent a present, I think you are ok.

Maybe just a card in August.
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Old 04-04-2020, 12:07 PM
  #5

Nope. A second gift would be quite odd. Send a card if you must but no gift is needed.


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Old 04-04-2020, 12:13 PM
  #6

You already sent your gift. Done.
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Old 04-04-2020, 12:21 PM
  #7

In the first paragraph, your last sentence said you sent a gift, so no need to wonder anymore!
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Old 04-04-2020, 12:32 PM
  #8

You sent a wedding gift already, so no.

Unless the first gift was for the wedding shower?
Not sure if itís typical but here we would do a gift for both the shower and wedding if we are invited to both.
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Old 04-04-2020, 12:44 PM
  #9

No, unless you're feeling super generous.
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Old 04-04-2020, 12:47 PM
  #10

Didnít you send a present with your regrets for not attending initially.

I would remind them that I already sent a gift.


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Old 04-04-2020, 12:47 PM
  #11

Why would you send two? I donít understand that part. You said you sent one. So no need for two.
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Old 04-04-2020, 12:49 PM
  #12

Remind your mom that you already sent the cousin a wedding gift. The gift was for the wedding. It doesn't matter if the wedding was in April or is in August. The gift is for the wedding whenever it takes place.
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Old 04-04-2020, 01:15 PM
  #13

Absolutely not! I would not have sent a gift at all, even when RSVP. Maybe just send a congratulations/wedding card at the time of the wedding.
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Old 04-04-2020, 01:16 PM
  #14

I'm also really confused. Why would you send two presents for the same event?
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Absolutely not
Old 04-04-2020, 01:19 PM
  #15

You are not invited to the wedding. You have no obligation whatsoever.
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Old 04-04-2020, 01:31 PM
  #16

You already sent her a wedding gift.

We had a wedding Memorial Day weekend, but it's been rescheduled. If I had sent a gift already, then I would show up in August without a gift and wouldn't be expected to have one!
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No way.
Old 04-04-2020, 01:41 PM
  #17

You have already sent a gift. And since you are not invited to the new date, no gift is required.

If anything, you can send a nice card.
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I think that
Old 04-04-2020, 01:53 PM
  #18

you were more than generous to send a gift to a cousin you haven't seen in 15-20 years. I probably would have just sent a congratulations card. So no, no second gift!
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Old 04-04-2020, 02:14 PM
  #19

I agree, you have already sent a gift [that you didn't need to send]. I don't think I would even send a card in August.
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Old 04-04-2020, 02:22 PM
  #20

Why would you need to send a 2nd gift?
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Old 04-04-2020, 06:20 PM
  #21

Imo, no gift is needed if you haven't been invited.
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Old 04-04-2020, 06:50 PM
  #22

I would not send a gift; you already sent one. I have never understood the custom of sending multiple gifts for one wedding, even when one is invited. You're supposed to send one for the shower and one for the wedding? And then some bachelorette parties I've been to have done something like a "lingerie shower" at that, meaning now 3 gifts for one wedding? Seems pretty greedy to me. I'm not married though, so there's that .
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Old 04-04-2020, 07:32 PM
  #23

You already sent a gift!

Nancy
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