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Old 09-03-2019, 03:05 PM
  #1

As a piggyback on an earlier post, I'm curious at what some people give as a response to people's questions.

Do you really say things like, "I don't want to talk about it", "I don't wish to discuss it further, " or something similar?

In my head that sounds rude since many times (although not all!) the one asking may have genuine concern for the person.

Just curious if this is a normal statement you've said or heard.


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Old 09-03-2019, 03:10 PM
  #2

I don’t say that, but my mom taught me to say, “Why do you ask?” It shuts down all but the most rude.
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Old 09-03-2019, 03:20 PM
  #3

"Why do you ask?" is the perfect comeback. It's rude to ask many personal questions so putting the questioner on the spot for their rude question is justified. "Why do you ask?" doesn't sound rude and no answer is appropriate.
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Old 09-03-2019, 03:29 PM
  #4

I have said something like, I can't talk about that now, it makes me too emotional.
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Old 09-03-2019, 03:39 PM
  #5

I have certainly said “I prefer not to talk about it” on several ocassions.


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Old 09-03-2019, 03:53 PM
  #6

"I'd rather not talk about it" or "I prefer not to talk about it" are my go-to phrases when people ask things I don't want to share.
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Old 09-03-2019, 04:00 PM
  #7

I've been asked by people why I don't have kids. I answer "Its complicated". It almost always shuts them down. Its complicated can be used in response to a number of questions.
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Old 09-03-2019, 04:08 PM
  #8

I have no problem saying, "I don't want to talk about it." I don't think it's even the slightest bit rude. Why would that be rude, but asking a personal question isn't? That doesn't make any sense to me.
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Old 09-03-2019, 04:33 PM
  #9

As I recall throughout my life, believe it or not, I've never once had to decline talking about something. But if faced in that situation, I guess I'd say, "I'd rather not say" if in a casual setting and "I'd rather not discuss it" in a more formal setting.
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Old 09-03-2019, 04:34 PM
  #10

I use "I don’t want to talk about it" often. Why do we feel we have to share intimate details with whoever asks? I choose to share and never feel obligated.

People often share things with me that I’d rather not know, but how do you stop them?


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Old 09-03-2019, 05:18 PM
  #11

I agree with the response, why do you ask because it puts the nosy person on the defense and gives you time to think about your response. It doesn't come across as rude (except that it subtly hints that the original question is!).
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Old 09-03-2019, 06:19 PM
  #12

Quote:
Why do we feel we have to share intimate details with whoever asks? I choose to share and never feel obligated.
This. I'm pretty comfortable saying, "That's not something I'm going to talk about." I think it's really how it's said, more than anything. People who are being kind get my kind voice, people who are being intrusive... not so much. People who I know are just busybodies looking to stir up trouble? They just get my teacher death stare.
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Old 09-03-2019, 06:41 PM
  #13

I like the "why do you ask" response, but I rarely remember it when I need it.

I certainly have and would say something to the effect of "I'd rather not talk about it." I don't think that's rude at all. Saying "why the H you asking me that, B?" would be rude.

It would feel a bit like a shut down to have someone say that when you inquire about something, but if I feel like saying that, it means someone is digging into something that feels too personal to discuss. I try to say it nicely, and the way I say it depends on the situation.
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Old 09-03-2019, 07:02 PM
  #14

I have no problem saying, “I rather not talk about it.” Years of therapy has helped me to see that it’s A-OK for me to set healthy boundaries. While I appreciate that someone may be concerned, it doesn’t negate my right to hold on to something that I want to keep either private or only between me and a very, close trusted person.
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Old 09-04-2019, 06:50 AM
  #15

I have said: “Uh...sore subject”, while I kinda make my lips tight, look away and shake my head *no* (to mean “don’t ask me about it”).

The last time I said that, the person responded: “Oh, I’m sorry” to which I just shrugged and changed the subject. It WAS uncomfortable for me, and likely also for the other person, though.
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Old 09-04-2019, 03:18 PM
  #16

I have said, “We can talk about it, but then I’ll cry. I don’t think you can handle that.”

Nobody has ever pushed me further than that.
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snoopy people
Old 09-04-2019, 04:08 PM
  #17

I'm with Haley23 on this.

I don't think anyone should be asking me personal questions that are none of their business. "I'd prefer not to talk about it" is my standard answer to snoopy people who are asking so that they can further the gossip game.

If they are my cousins or relatives, they understand that I truly mean it and I'm not being rude. Eventually, I'll probably talk about what ever it is with them since most know how to listen and help solve the problem or give good advice on what to do. My mother was always helpful on putting perspective on issues as is my son and one of my two neices. Another neice is very good at getting me to see the other side. One of my brothers, the one who was a school administrator, is good at seeing a pathway through to a good ending.

I've been lucky with my family.

Last edited by timeforbed; 09-04-2019 at 08:29 PM..
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Old 09-04-2019, 06:20 PM
  #18

If its a close relative or friend I will share. I think its heartwarming when something is wrong, to know they care. If its someone not so close I will usually just say I'm OK and if I am too upset or angry to discuss I usually just say that.

Nancy
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