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On living alone
Old 09-08-2019, 06:47 AM
  #1

I lived with others until I was 66. Parents, college roommates, husband, children. Itís been almost 2 years since DH passed away and I began living alone.

I am trying to figure out why this life pleases me so. I thought Iíd miss the constant presence of others, but I donít. I miss DH terribly, but it is he I miss not the feeling of others at home.

I am very hard on myself, extremely self-critical, yet I am content alone. I do see others daily, but I live alone. I havenít felt lonely once in 2 years. In fact, Iím quite happy.

Do you think Iím being selfish? Am I a delusional hermit?


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No.
Old 09-08-2019, 06:52 AM
  #2

I lived alone from age 21 to 29. I loved it. I miss it. I am a social person, but having my own space to retreat to was something I took for granted. The outside world made me question my contentness. Really, I was fine.

I think you have a great outlook.
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Absolutely not...
Old 09-08-2019, 06:57 AM
  #3

I have been single all my life. While I would have welcomed a significant other and/or children at an earlier point in my life, it wasn't in the cards. I value my personal time and the fact that I can make those choices that benefit me without wondering about others. You were a caregiver and a nurturer for your family for many years, especially through your husband's illness. The fact that you are comfortable in your own skin is a tribute to your personalty, not a reflection of selfishness. You've definitely earned it. Enjoy your time.
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Living Alone
Old 09-08-2019, 07:05 AM
  #4

Enjoying living alone is not selfish. I lived on my own until I got married at 29 then again for ten years after getting divorced six years later. Although I'm happy to be married again, I sometimes miss living by myself.

Last edited by travelingfar; 09-08-2019 at 08:07 AM..
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Old 09-08-2019, 07:24 AM
  #5

I lived alone for several years in between relationships. I really did enjoy it. I feel I do better with solitude and being able to do what I want when I want. DH says it must come from my years as a teacher......being able to just close the door and teach as I knew was best

Now that I am married I cherish those times when I can run errands, take a walk or bike ride by myself, or just have the house to myself when DH is golfing or whatever. I too, donít want to sound selfish or ungrateful for DH, but it is just how I think I am wired.


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Old 09-08-2019, 07:30 AM
  #6

I think it just shows that you are content with who you are, and enjoy spending time with that person.

I love my alone time. Dh used to travel quite a bit for work, and this year that has ramped up again. I look forward to the times he is gone. Sometimes I feel guilty about it, but I don't dwell there long. Part of what I missed this summer was spending time alone. I didn't get much of that this summer and I feel it.
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Old 09-08-2019, 07:40 AM
  #7

Not selfish at all. Living alone is fabulous! I lived alone from only ages 37 to I believe, 39. I'm an only child, so I've always been used to the solitude.
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Old 09-08-2019, 08:32 AM
  #8

I love living alone! I don't think it's selfish, I think it's healthy to be able to spend time by yourself. But I also know it's partly personality-based. I've lived on my own for about 9 years now. While I do get lonely at times, it's not because I live alone. There are perks...no one's sleep schedule to revolve around, no one to care if you leave dirty dishes in the sink, etc.

I do want to get married, but I've often thought that giving up living alone would be a sacrifice!
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I have had periods of living alone for one,
Old 09-08-2019, 08:34 AM
  #9

two, three years and I have also traveled extensively alone.

I think it is great to love one's own company. Even now, although my sweetie is here in the evenings, I am still alone quite a bit. I like it. I am in "extroverted introvert." I like being around people, but always prefer my alone time.

When I lived alone in Albuquerque for about 18 months, the only time I did not like it is when I would arrive home after dark. It was a semi-sketchy neighborhood and I had to park on the street. I lived on the top floor of a Victorian home. As soon as I locked the door behind me, I felt fine.

One night, as I pulled up, a police car pulled in behind me. When I got out, they asked if I had noticed a "suspicious brown van" following me home. No, I had not! They said they had had a couple of reports on this van and had noticed it behind me, so they turned around and made sure I got home okay. That was a little spooky.
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Old 09-08-2019, 09:00 AM
  #10

The key for me is to be happy alone or with someone. I love a balance of the two however that's just for me. I have friends who happily live alone because that is their preference . Selfishness has nothing to do with my living arrangement and has everything to do with my level of empathy for others.


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Old 09-08-2019, 09:05 AM
  #11

I think we people who live happily alone have an extra helping of emotional independence. While I'm definitely an introvert, I'm not a hermit and sometimes I want to be with friends or just around other people. I'm also remarkably happy living alone. I think some of us have the personality gene that makes living alone easier.

I went straight from college to marriage, so I didn't live alone until I was divorced at 50. I was teaching full time and had one child still in college who came home for holidays and whenever he felt like it! I didn't mind at all being alone after school during the week. I'd already had a full helping of other people during the day!

I had to create a new life for myself on weekends, however. I had thought of my ex-husband as my best friend, and we did many things together. I had let job, home, family be 100% of my life. That was a mistake. Jobs end, children grow up, people die or leave, things change. I worked at creating the rest of my life. I'm glad that was accomplished before retirement although I still make annual adjustments for all the changes that naturally come.

I am happy being alone and alone at home but not for the majority of time. I am not a homebody! I rekindled friendships and interests and ways to make my life feel meaningful. I live where there are numerous activities available. I'm fortunate. I am lucky that I can be with and do things with friends and acquaintances as much as I want and then go home to peace and quiet, my book, or whatever makes me happy.

Amiga, you have an ocean view. That makes a difference! I travel for my ocean and mountain views and do that often. I'm lucky I can make that happen. In the meantime, I enjoy the woods and the lake where I live. Nature is a wonderful companion.
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Living alone
Old 09-08-2019, 10:10 AM
  #12

I admit, I am quite jealous of your independence. Given how long we live with others, and considering the amount of people we encountered and interacted with every day at work, I believe we cherish and covet alone time.

I daydream/fantasize about how it would be to live alone: arrange house exactly to my taste, downsize my TV and cable to next to nothing, eat when I want and what I want, come and go as I please.

I do t think itís weird or selfish at all.
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Time for Yourself
Old 09-08-2019, 10:24 AM
  #13

Most women are natural caretakers. It is your turn to care for yourself and you are doing a fine job. It is an added bonus that you are really enjoying this time and do not feel lonely. Enjoy! Each phase of life is truly a gift and a blessing.
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not lonely
Old 09-08-2019, 10:46 AM
  #14

I lived alone from ages 23-33. At 46 it is now just DH and I (and dogs). While I dearly love DH, there are still moments when I would love to be truly ALONE for a week or so. I have many happy memories of that time of my life and while I have many happy memories with DH also, I crave time by myself. I would certainly live alone again should I outlive DH.
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Living alone
Old 09-08-2019, 10:49 AM
  #15

My DH died 27 years ago when my DS was a 16 months old. When my DS graduated from high school, he left for college. I spent that year doing all the things I wanted to do. It was a wonderful year. Then my DS moved back into my home. He lived with me until he married.

I like living alone for the most part. The mess is mine. However, I have to do everything...yard work, house cleaning, shopping, etc. I often wish I had someone to help me with the work or to share about my day.

Are you selfish? Nah. Youíve found a good balance of living alone and being social. Revel in your contented life!
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Old 09-08-2019, 11:19 AM
  #16

I really liked living alone from age 21-30. I like my alone time which is harder to come by now that we are retired. I think you have the best of both worlds. Our sermon today was about feeling connected. It was very interesting. You are connected and not lonely, so thatís good.
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living alone
Old 09-08-2019, 11:29 AM
  #17

Not selfish at all. I lived alone from 21-28 and I loved it. I could be around people when I wanted to be, but I could do what I felt was needed/wanted when I was home.
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living alone
Old 09-08-2019, 11:41 AM
  #18

You are not selfish at all! You obviously love yourself enough to be content by yourself.

I've lived alone a few times as an adult and absolutely LOVED every minute. I'm with my "manpanion" of 11 years and while we both love each other and love being together, we also need our alone time occasionally. I relish the chunks of time when both ds and Mr. Wonderful are not at home.

Enjoy your happiness!
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Old 09-08-2019, 12:52 PM
  #19

I also really enjoy living alone, although I am quite likely a selfish, delusional hermit. I think some of us just thrive on that independence and alone time. I handle people best in small doses, so it works for me. I say, you do you!
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Old 09-08-2019, 02:06 PM
  #20

I will admit to loving living alone. I lived alone after college for several years and enjoyed it, and I like it now as well.

I am a little lonely occasionally, because I think I need to build up a base of friends who have time and common interests to do activities with. I miss going out to dinner or a movie with dh on the spur of the moment...I have lots of friends, but we all are busy, so spur of the moment doesn’t usually work out.

And I miss the companionship of men. I studied engineering and chemistry and was surrounded by guys while in college...I was even a member of a chemistry fraternity. It was co-ed, but heavily slanted on the male side. And I worked with men and formed close friendships with them. I’m not talking romance, just friends and companions. Now that I am not working with my old friends, it becomes awkward. They are married...no jealousy, and I like their wives, but since I don’t see the men at work, the relationship is different somehow. I am not interested in “dating” in the romantic sense of the word, but I would love to have a male friend or two to hang out with sometimes.

I’m sure this will all work out eventually...it has only been less than a year since dh passed, so it’s an adjustment. I am hopeful I might get to know some folks as I take lifelong learning classes and do other activities over the next year or so.

I am not interested in living with anyone! I just want a few more friends to hang out with from time to time.
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Old 09-08-2019, 02:21 PM
  #21

I just saw this on Facebook. For you Amiga
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Old 09-08-2019, 03:01 PM
  #22

I hope to be a selfish, delusional hermit like you someday.

I've never lived alone, and sometimes I truly crave it. I love my family and dh endlessly. It's not that I don't want to be around them. But the times I actually do get to be home alone for more than a day are wonderful.

I'm glad that you have found a life that is pleasing to you. You deserve it!
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Old 09-08-2019, 03:15 PM
  #23

I have lived alone for going on 10 years now. When I graduated from college and moved to another state for my first job, I figured I'd get a roommate, but I wanted to wait until I met some people first rather than looking for some random person online or something. I ended up loving having my own place so much that I never went back.

I do try to get out and do something with friends every weekend. After awhile I do start to get antsy. However, during the work week the vast majority of the time I prefer to come home and relax by myself. I LOVE having my little haven here where I can have things just the way I like them and not have to worry about someone encroaching. I will say that I find my cat to be great company . I don't think I could ever live in a house without a cat.
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Old 09-08-2019, 04:05 PM
  #24

I went from high school to college to a roommate to a marriage. I'm still in that marriage But of our 24 years of marriage, we lived apart for about 3 years (work situations). Two of those years were pre-kids. I loved those years! I loved seeing my husband and I really, truly missed him, but I also loved being in complete control of my living space.

I'm glad you're happy. You've crafted a lovely space for yourself and you have worked hard in your life to get where you are. You should definitely enjoy it!
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Old 09-08-2019, 04:13 PM
  #25

Selfish? Of course not! You are obviously content with who you are and how you live your life!

Nancy
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Old 09-08-2019, 04:30 PM
  #26

I always enjoyed living alone, too. I understand.
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Old 09-08-2019, 04:42 PM
  #27

You are not selfish, you are content.

There is a lot to be said for being content.

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I love it!
Old 09-08-2019, 06:16 PM
  #28

DH is a police officer who works 12 hour shifts and graveyard every two months. I tell you, when heís gone and itís just my cat and I, there is no better feeling.

Donít get me wrong, I love my DH but my alone time is my sanctuary. In fact, Iím alone with Aja right now! 😊
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Old 09-09-2019, 04:24 AM
  #29

I think I understand what you are feeling. I also do not believe it is selfish to enjoy your independence. It's not betrayal to your husband either. Your living arrangements don't have to change if you are satisfied.
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Selfish
Old 09-09-2019, 04:34 PM
  #30

Definitely not! As others have shared, you took care of your hubby, and now it is your time.
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Living alone
Old 09-09-2019, 07:18 PM
  #31

You are not delusional nor are you selfish. Living alone and doing as you please is your retirement reward.
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