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Adults with Aspergers
Old 01-15-2009, 04:56 PM
 
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I have a student this year who has Aspergers and reminds me completely of my husband. DH has always had trouble communicating, being romantic, making eye contact with anyone but me, etc. The more research I do, the more I really think he has it. He is in counseling now due to some issues he has to work through with his parents (horrible people!!!). He mentioned it to his therapist, and he easily dismissed it with "You have friends, and you don't focus on one topic, so you don't meet the criteria." Yes, DH has friends, but only 3, and he's been out with them maybe 2 times in the 5 years he's known them. DH can go on and on about various subjects, even when people's reactions clearly show they've stopped listening. DH would rather be home with the computer programming it, then with adults.

Has anyone's spouse been diagnosed with Aspergers. How do they diagnose whether it's Aspergers or just that his home life was awful and therefore no social skills were taught?


 

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I feel the same about my bf...
Old 01-15-2009, 05:03 PM
 
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He sounds exactly like your dh. He had a rough childhood too and in so many ways reminds me of one of my students with aspergers. He is a functioning adult, pays rent, holds a job (for the most part) and all, it's just sometimes I wonder.

His home life was fine. Parents were great, although he was an only child and did not want to participate in the extra curricular activities his mom signed him up for. Who knows...
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Old 01-15-2009, 05:29 PM
 
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Of course its best to get a doctor to talk to, but here is a quiz your DH could take online:
http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

I have been told by several people I most likely have Aspergers & one doctor agrees that it should be a diagnosis but I don't believe in labelling myself. On the quiz itself I score 182 out of 200... my score is getting better...I used to score 198 out of 200 but I have worked hard over the years to get better
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My husband too?
Old 01-15-2009, 06:00 PM
 
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Like you, my husband hasn't been diagnosed with Aspergers but I believe he has it. I have also told myself it could just be his upbringing, but I just don't know. Secretly, I see things and look the other way. My husband doesn't have friends, but has good business relationships. He has always had trouble determining that he is upsetting somebody by what he does or says, then wonders what he did wrong. He is better as he ages, but he has always had problems saying things inappropriate for a situation. Not vulgar, but totally off. We could be talking about something and out of nowhere he comes up with a comment that doesn't even apply to what we are talking about - like he misunderstood the conversation. He's always been pretty good at certain things, because once he gets his mind set on something, he is stuck on it.

I look at my husband's very dysfunctional family, and decide either it was simply his upbringing or his father, two aunts and grandfather all have Aspergers. Hmmm....
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Well, I KNEW I was strange, BUT:
Old 01-15-2009, 06:25 PM
 
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I took the test and the result was "You answered inconsistently on too many control questions." Now, of course, I have NO idea what the control questions were, so it's not like I can change anything. This just confirms that whatever it is about me is UNDEFINABLE! Ha ha. I'm so unique, I can't even get a score on a test!


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Old 01-15-2009, 06:53 PM
 
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My DH has a diagnosis of "probable Aspergers". He has diagnosed OCD, and that's often along with Aspergers. We didn't have any additional testing because there really wasn't any need for it.

The test posted in one of the responses here indicated that he "very likely" had Aspergers.

He has ONE friend, and they're not super close. They talk online and on the phone every now and then. His friend is also a bit "different". He doesn't know how to socialize very well, but he gets along well with kids and works well with them. When we go out with other people, he doesn't interact much--basically just sits and takes it all in. We always do things with people I know, not people he knows.

It's often hard for me to tell what is OCD and what is Aspergers. I just know that some days he drives me NUTS.

According to DH and MIL's stories about DH's schooling, I see plenty of Asperger's indicators. He was actually removed from school in 7th grade and placed in a private school with low (3-5 students per teacher) class numbers.

He's an excellent musician, but he's also high-strung and prone to meltdowns.

It's one of those situations where people who meet him probably wouldn't notice anything, or they might think he's just shy. People who are around him more often might think of him as a little odd or quirky. Those around him frequently tend to see the OCD behaviors and some of the meltdowns . . . which tend to be temper-related. I get the whole picture.

After DH took the online test, I took it, too. My Asperger's score was 15, and my graphic showed a fairly even half-circle on the "neurotypical" side. DH's Asperger's score was a 140, and his graphic kind of resembled a top-heavy forward slash with most items being in the asperger's side near obsessive & talent.

Last edited by Ima Teacher; 01-15-2009 at 07:08 PM..
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Old 01-15-2009, 07:01 PM
 
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I don't know how to explain it exactly, but there is a difference between acting strange because of how your home life was and having actual Aspergers.
My sister and I were raised in exactly the same environment. She has normal social skills and I do not. She would score low on the Aspie test whereas my scores are high.
That might be one way to tell-- looking at siblings.
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mine too
Old 01-15-2009, 07:07 PM
 
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I believe that my husband has Asperger's as well. He becomes obsessive with certain things and during those times, that is all he wants to do. Like when we were in high school he decided he wanted to learn to play pool. He became obsessed and played night and day and gambled away a ton of money. He would actually have the guy who owned the pool hall lock him in at closing time and he would stay until the guy came to open back up the next day. I can remember standing outside talking to him through the door. He is a great player now, but mostly just plays in tournaments and is teaching my son to play. He knows every guiness world record ever and all kinds of sports things. He seems totally clueless that the rest of the world really could care less about the world record for the largest rubber band ball. He holds a job, but he has a really hard time making reasonable decisions some times. He also has unrealistic expectations of people in my opinion. It's like everyone is always out to get him. Some of the things he says just blows my mind. He is however a wonderful husband and father, very supportive, and a lot of fun. He doesn't have any real friends, just people he "knows" and doesn't like to meet new people. We have been out to dinner with people I work with before, but he has a really hard time feeling comfortable around people he doesn't know. He also has some wierd sensory issues, like he will run out of the room if you fold paper around him, it literally gives him chills. My ten year old was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when he was four and I have researched it a lot, I definitly believe that he is undiagnosed. I believe that all the counseling and therapy that we have attended with our son has helped him come to grips with some of his issues. He now relies on cues from me to help him get through a lot of social situations. There is a great book called Look Me In the Eye-- I can't remember the author right now, but it is about a man being diagnosed in his thirties with Asperger's. It is very informative, especially for teachers because he discusses the troubles he had in elementary school with the way his teachers spoke to him. I think all teachers should read it.
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Old 01-15-2009, 08:24 PM
 
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Thanks for all the posts. I don't feel so bad now. I thought people would come on and just say that I was imagining things, but from your descriptions, it sounds like we are married to the same guy. DH doesn't know I'm still looking at this diagnosis for him. I need to get him to take that test.

As far as looking at siblings, he's an only child.
Thank you all again.
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working definition
Old 01-16-2009, 11:00 PM
 
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of Aspie, anyone?


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