I decided to sign out so that I could post this anonymously, just because I would rather do it that way.
My girlfriend and I have hit what I would call a leveling point. There is nothing new going on and things are just how they are. Now, I must say, I am not exactly your typical male. I cook, I clean, I do the dishes even after I cook, I buy her flowers every couple of weeks, I go out on a limb to make sure she has whatever she wants to make her happy. I take her out on date nights once a week, I leave her little love notes all over the place and do little things that are out of the blue. I don't do them EVERY DAY, but I do them often enough that it shouldn't be considered "old news."
Anyway, last night, I got pretty upset because I am tired of tripping over her clothes, shoes, hangers, etc... all over the bedroom floor. I am sorry, but it's NOT difficult to throw dirty clothes into a laundry basket/hamper or just even hang them up. She tells me the only way she knows they are clean is because they are on the floor. Now, I am not admitting to being perfect, I've left clothes on the ground for a day or so, but it is definitely not unused closet space. I am not REALLY picky either, if it's there, I just walk on it like she does. I've never actually got upset until I tripped and fell into the closet door Friday morning. That REALLY set me off because now I feel like I cannot even make it from one side of the bedroom to the other without tripping or falling. I use my cell phone as a light so I won't wake her up, because that would be catastrophic. I mean, is it THAT big of a deal to pick up your clothes or hang them up!?!
So...last night...after she got off work around 9:30pm or so, she tells me that she doesn't feel important or special. She said that I need to start WOWing her every day of the week. She said she wants flowers, candy, notes, etc... EVERY SINGLE DAY of the week because she doesn't feel important. She says that she doesn't feel WANTED because some days I just don't feel like having SEX...like, SORRY!! I do love sleep every now and then.
Any suggestions...from anybody??!! I am not admitting to perfection, but I am admitting that I try VERY, VERY hard to make her happy and do A LOT of out-of-the-ordinary things for her. I am coming to a breaking point. We've been together over two years and I can't handle it anymore. Help. Please.
Well, you're not married yet. I would say get out while the getting is good. When you're married, it is much harder. She sounds like she has a touch of selfishness, and that is not an easy thing to marry and be saddled with. Count your lucky stars you haven't married her.
WOW is right! I'm sorry, but any girl who says she expects to be wowed every single day needs a reality check!!!!! Especially after 2 years of being together and living together. People get in ruts and start wowing and that is really bad; however, it does happen to many. She should be grateful you do things occassionally. I couldn't tell you the last time I sent my wife flowers ~ of course, I'm lucky, her love language isn't gifts, it's touch. For her, I have to focus on hugging her throughout the day.
Anyway, back to the point for you. My question as I read this is this, "what has she beeing doing to woo YOU??" I mean, when was the last time she did something for you to make you feel special?
My personal advice in my current state would be say good-bye and cut your losses; but, I know that's heartless and I'm sure you love her. So, here's more logical advice: There are 5 love languages the people speak and we often are mismatched in this area therefore we speak a foreign language when conveying the feeling of love. There are assessments available to discover each other's love languages and then learn to speak to them.
The love languages are (in no significant order!) acts of service, time, touch, gifts, encouraging words. From what I hear, I would think she is a gift and you are an acts of service. I would suggest finding the book or quizzes (I may have the quiz somewhere, PM me if you want it as it is probably copyrighted !) Take the quizzes and share the topic. Then work on displaying that language to one another. It's a great relationship tool ~ helped my wife and I!!
I'd kill if my hubby ever wrote me love notes and sent me flowers several times a month. I might die if he actually helped with the house work.
Sounds like your girl friend may be depressed or suffering from very low self esteem, so when you wow her that's her way of knowing that she is okay. Only you can decide if you want to work though this with her or not. At least suggest she see her dr. not wanting to keep up with self care may be a major calling card of depression.
Good Luck with which ever road you take.
I completely agree with the PP. You deserve someone who loves and respects you. She does sound very high maintenance and unless you are willing to spend your life with this woman, get out now. Find someone who is willing to be your life partner, and not someone you have to entertain for the rest of your life.
After two years, you really need to as yourself if this relationshop is going to be permanent (as in marriage) or not. If you can't see yourself married to her for the next 50 years then you really need to let her go and let her find a sugar daddy to keep her happy.
She sounds incredibly high maintenance. Most woman would be thrilled with the treatment you've given her. Since you aren't married I would get out now and find someone who appreciates you.
It sounds to me like you need to find someone who appreciates you. A guy who does housework, cooking, dishes, leaves notes and brings flowers is hard to find. It sounds like she has gotten a taste of how good you can be and, instead of appreciating it, she wants more. I'm not sure that she can be satisfied. But you are the one who knows her, and it sounds like you love her. You just need to ask yourself if she's worth the trouble. If she's not doing anything to show you how special you are, I think you wouldn't have to look far to find someone who would.
There must be something about her that keeps you there. The clothes on the floor thing is an annoyance but can't be the real problem. Have you told her point blank that you think you do WOW her several times a week? Make a list of the things you have done lately and hit her with it. Let her know you are p-oed and feel unappreciated too! Make sure she sees your side of the story and see what happens. She may be really self-centered and have no idea you feel the way you do. If that doesn't work and you still want to work it out then you should explore other avenues (couples counseling etc...)
I'd say you sound way too good for your girlfriend. It's sad she doesn't appreciate the great things you do for her. That's disheartening to hear. I don't have a boyfriend and would love to have a man that does such wonderful things, but would not be demanding as she is. I feel like you are going above and beyond and how is she reciprocating? She doesn't seem to be at all.
The most important point is that you need to be happy and if you're not feeling that now, then you need to end your relationship. I have never been married and don't have any business saying this, but things will most likely not get any better. Marriage isn't necessarily going to change the the lifestyle that a person lives. You would just be more and more bothered by it.
It's just sad to hear that people are so demanding and not appreciative. You deserve way better than who you're with. Life is too short to settle with something you're not satisfied with.
I'm afraid I don't understand the clothes on the floor thing. She knows they're clean because they're on the floor? Her CLEAN clothes are on the floor? Is she out of her mind?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Guest12345
I am coming to a breaking point. We've been together over two years and I can't handle it anymore.
I think you've already made a decision. It'll be hard but you're right. You don't have to take it any more. Kick her to the curb and find another woman who will completely appreciate you and your kindnesses.
As for the Wowing every day--get real. She'll just demand Wowing every hour and then every minute. At the risk of repeating myself--kick her to the curb.
BTW, will you give lessons to some of the men in our lives? My husband, bless his heart, only buys me flowers once in a blue moon and he has NEVER left me a love note. sigh
but it sounds like you two speak two different love languages. My guess is (since you cook & clean, and even notice that there is a closet) your love language is "acts of service." My guess is hers is "gifts." It is not hopeless, if it is love, you will find a way to work it out.
You teach people how to treat you. It works both ways. Man up and decide if this is the kind of life you want.
P.S. I have been married for 19 yrs. I would LOVE housework and cooking done for me - absolutely LOVE it. That beats out candy and flowers ANY TIME ANYWHERE ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. Seriously. You are not nuts- SHE IS!
Seriously, your girlfriend truly lives in her own little world if she thinks you don't do enough. You do WAY more than most, and any woman would be lucky to have a guy show her love like you do. If this relationship is that important to you, and you see yourself being with this woman for the rest of your life, I suggest sitting down and talking to her about it.
If you're sick of her high-maintenance ways (because that's what she is and it may NEVER get better!), let her go and find a woman who will respect you and cherish you.
EVERY DAY?!
Oh my...are you being WOWed every day? Hummm.
And I just expect my boyfriend to call a couple of times a week. She sounds needy and a lot more work than she 'used' to be. Yes, stuff like the surprise flowers or hey, the dishes are done is greeeaaat, but every day? I like spontaneity--where's hers? She's asking for too much.
Will you wow her in 20 years if you get married? She would more than likely get bored with you and want out. Cut your losses now. Sorry, but is this what you really want? I bet you could find someone else by your great qualities!
My other suggestion is to do nothing for her-at all. She how she responds to that.
It seems like she expects you to "buy" her affection!
Run...run for your life
11-02-2009, 12:52 PM
!) Take the quizzes and share the topic. Then work on displaying that language to one another. It's a great relationship tool ~ helped my wife and I!!
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