This is my fourth year teaching and I never got complains of any of my parents until now. I had a parent who called my principal and is complaining about me saying that I am mean to her daughter. I can’t believe this, this is a child that when she started the year she always cried everyday because she didn’t want to stay in school. Now she hugs me and has not cried for a about a month and a half. I feel horrible as a teacher I don’t know what I might have done to this child that she thinks I’m being mean. To make the long story short the parent only wanted to meet with the principal once she included me now she backed down from the meeting. I don’t get it. Is this something normal about parents always complaining in the primary grades. I need some advice I can't stop thinking about this it really makes me feel like a horrible teacher.
Parents like this are very much in the primary grades. We get complaints because we enforce rules. Some parents want rules-- but not for THEIR kid. They think that since you expect them to behave = you are mean. It's hard not to take it personally. Hopefully, you have a supportive principal.
This happened to me too. It wasn't until my 7th year as a teacher so it really stung. She even wanted him out of my room! He moved to our room from another state and told mom I didn't like him because he was new. When I spoke to the parent I welcomed her to visit my room any time she wanted. I expressed that I had no idea why this would happen. Turns out he was smart enough to know to try and turn mom against the teacher. He was eventually caught in his lie and mom apologized. Hopefully this will happen to you too. Hang in there and think not of this one parent but ALL of the OTHER pleased parents!
It sounds to me like it's more the parent that has the problem. Why didn't she want to have a meeting? There probably isn't much to this. Maybe her child just had a bad day and whe took it and ran. If your student isn't crying anymore and is hugging you that says a lot. Next time she hugs you, just tell her you're so happy that she likes school. Anytime she is having fun, point it out to her. The next time you see the parent, tell her about all the good times her child is having. Don't doubt yourself. You obviously care.
The exact same thing happened to me this week!!! (This is also my fourth year teaching!)The parent came into the building and started flipping out in the office to the secretary and the principal. She threatened to take her son out of the school and stated that I was an awful teacher and behaved like a "child." My principal told her she needed to speak with me about her concerns, but the mom just replied, "There is no use talking with her! She won't do anything." It was the most bizarre thing! I haven't had too many encounters with son....he can be a little sneaky and I call him on those things, but nothing too serious. Anyway, I didn't get very far with the mom. My principal insisted she speak with me, and put her through on my phone....mom addressed her concerns (very hotly I might add), and I made sure to tell her that "There are two sides to every story, and if she has a concern she needs to speak with me directly so that we can address these concerns. Please understand that I want the best for every child in this classroom. While we want to believe everything our children tell us, they are only six, and may have changed the story a bit. You know...Mrs. So and So.... I can only believe half of what your son comes in and tells me about you...if you can believe half of what your son comes home and tells you about me." This really caught her off guard and she was still upset and ended the conversation. Some people just want to cause drama....who knows what kind of day she was having.....I feel things like encounters like this only make you a stronger teacher not a horrible one....
This has happened alot to me over the years..........I think the Mother is jealous of her daughter's liking for you and school. Her daughter probably slips up at home and calls her by your name. Some of the parents you come across are insecure,unhappy and immature in their thinking. She sounds like a typical "Drama Queen" who wants to pee on your parade. If she made you feel horrible, then she won. Don't let the turkeys get you down. Kill her with kindness.........
Bless your heart!
I wish I had a magic answer for you, but I don't. I believe it is part of the job as a teacher in today's day and age. I have some years where the parents love me and then other years where I have a parent that makes my life miserable. I'm in that year right now. In the beginning I don't think my administration understood that the problem was the parent, but they now do having observed the child in my classroom and the child's academic work. The child is also a crier, but is not a behavior problem and is sweet. It is the parent's inability to accept that the child is academically struggling.
Even knowing this it bugs the heck out of me that I am getting complaints, when I know I am going above and beyond to work with this child. I am working on accepting that we can't please everyone all the time and many of these parents that complain are feeling inadequate and have to pass the blame to someone else = us the teachers.
I'm glad your principal included you in the meeting. At least that shows you have support. The fact that the mother backed down also shows that this person is not "stable" and has no grounds for the complaints.
Please continue to do what you are doing for the daughter. Can you imagine having a mother like this woman? The daughter probably needs stability and support, which you are giving her.
Again, I'm sorry this is happening to you, but a very wise teacher once told me to not let these parents get to us and stop us from doing our jobs. We just do what we can. Remember, we only have these children for 10 months and then they move on. During these 10 months we do what we can to make them successful in life.
I have been teaching for 18 years now and I still have parents like that who pop up and think bad of you. If you know you are doing everything you can for that child, then let it roll off. Some parents just have to find something to complain about. Like a previous poster, the parent may be jealous because the child appears to really like you and may be calling her by your name.
There is a SUPER teacher at my school, who will retire in December, is having a problem like that as well. She has been teaching 25 plus years and is one Dynamic teacher. The parent wants her child removed from this teacher's class because she says her child only talks about writing workshop and two little girls from her class when she gets home. The mom tells the child that the teacher does not run her home when the child says, "Ms. Tiger told me to do it this way."
The mom wants the child isolated from the rest of the class, also. When the designee talked with her and resolved one issue, she (the mother) was having with the teacher, the mother would bring up something else. For example, the letter J. The mom was upset because the child was not putting the line (hat) on the J. Then she complained that she didn't want her child to look at certain pictures in books (snakes, bats, etc.). During Halloween, the teacher did not allow the child to do a jack-o-lantern, but rather a pumpkin (out of respect for their religion).
The mom complained about homework and she walks into the building and sneaks down to the classroom and just hangs around outside the teacher's door. Then she started coming up early checking the child out of school.
Now, the child is a sweetheart and doesn't cause any problems, but the mother is making it difficult for the teacher because of her constant complaints. As a first grade teacher, I would not want to deal with her next year. Well, I said all that to say, hang in there. Things will get better. You are going to have some good parents and some bad. Just pray about the situation and continue to do the great job I am sure you are doing. God Bless!!!!
11-07-2009, 09:17 AM
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