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      Fear & Loathing in Special Edu

Rock Bottom Bagel


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Joined: Jul 2006
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Rock Bottom Bagel
Old 03-22-2010, 06:01 PM

Hi. My name is Speced9, and I'm a bageholic. I'm sure you've heard my story before. I just never thought it would happen to me.

I finally realized today that I have a problem. A bagel problem. A BIG bagel problem. It's consuming my life. Damn those Weight Watchers® product developers!

Oh, it starts out innocently enough. They give you some points. You use your daily points correctly, and you begin to lose weight. As time goes on, you begin to find the foods that give you the biggest bang for your points. That's where Weight Watchers® Original Bagels come in.

You see, your average bagel runs about 7 points on the ol' WW system. That's about one-quarter of your average daily point allowance for most folks. It's like a meal. A round little meal (with a hole). So, one can understand the joyous excitement I felt when I came across those WWOBs at my local supermarket.


I should have seen it coming, but I didn't think it would happen to me. The laws of supply and demand certainly shouldn't pertain to bagels should they? WRONG. They do. Remember the great Cabbage Patch Doll frenzy in the 80s? I was there on the front lines. As a stock boy at the local toy store, I saw first hand what high demand and low supply can do to a person. Everyone just had to have one. I saw rudeness. I saw greed. I saw people willing to slip me a few extra bucks on the side just to get one of those silly dolls in their hands. Heck, I had women sobbing right in front of me because little Sally wouldn't get her little adoptive doll that Christmas.

When I picked up my first package of WW bagels, I swear, there must have been a dozen packages on the store shelf. The next week, maybe half that. The week after that, just two (I took them both.). Then...the UNTHINKABLE....I went to the store and THERE WERE NONE TO BE HAD! The next week, the same thing! I had to go into bagel rationing at that point.

It was then that I began to get desperate. I started to go to multiple stores each week. When I found some, I'd take them all. I began to figure out delivery schedules. I'd come home on a Monday with three or four packages of those damn Weight Watchers® Original Bagels! (true story by the way, it just happened today) I'm feeling the thrill of "scoring some stuff" like Elvis did when he would get some Demerol from Dr. Nick.

Still don't understand? Fine. I took the liberty of making up this chart (which, of course, made me hungry for a WWOB)

I'm at the point now where my wife won't take anything I say at face value. She just figures it's the bagels talking. I've officially hit rock bottom.......What's that you say? There's an even lower calorie bagel out there? One point? ONE POINT? Kim's Light Bagels? Available online? YOU CAN ORDER SIX PACKAGES AT A TIME? I have three words for you.....


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Fear & Loathing in Special Edu

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