DD 13 almost 14 and takes long showers at night. DH has told her multiple times that she needs to shorten the time. Tonight, after coming home from dance dress rehearsal her shower was exceptionally long but she had a lot of hairspray in her hair as well as stage makeup! DD#2 told DH that she was in the shower for 20 minutes. He got so mad he took her phone from her. He had told her this was going to happen if she continued to take long showers. Anyway, we support each other when it comes to discipline issues but I am having a hard time with this! I tried to explain teen girls but he is an only child and no experience with this! Advice, suggestions would be appreciated!
This happens at my house as well with both my daughter and my son. I've often thought about turning off the water heater at the ten minute mark
We just continue to have the "talk" about being responsible and not wasteful. Perhaps a compromise is needed in your case...set a timer.
Sorry I don't get what the big deal is. Does she use all the hot water? Are the water bills super high? Do you only have one bathroom? I take 10-15 minute showers. My DH takes 20-30 min showers. I guess I would just be happy she bathes. She could be one of those kids who only showers once a week. Maybe talk to him about how girls take longer because they shave?
I agree - talk to DH! Maybe set a time limit of 15 minutes and if she continues to stay in there longer, agree on a certain amount of allowance you are going to subtract from what she normally gets - to pay the water bill !
Growing up we were taught to take 'navy showers'. Water on and get wet. Water off and soap up. Water on and rinse off. If the water was on too long my mom would be banging on the door, shouting, "Turn off the water!"
Have a chat with her, explain the cost of hot water, water as a valuable resource... Can you hang a clock in the bathroom or give her an egg timer to set when she gets in the shower?
Maybe you and DH can decide on a reasonable consequence before hand so you are both on the same page.
If so, maybe you should borrow a teen age athletic boy for a month. Let him deal with the fact that they shower in the morning to wake up, shower after school before sports practice and shower after coming home from practice. After one month give the boy back and he will be soooo happy with the daughter and one 15 minute shower.
BTW-was your DH in the Navy, my DH was and he tells me about those showers that lasted a few nano seconds!
I guess I am the only one that is on your DH's side. We do much shorter showers at our house. I feel clean and I'm able to shave everything and wash and condition my long hair in 10 minutes or less. We have 4 people who all want to take hot showers before bed, so we have always limited shower time. My son has it down to a few minutes. I also like saving water and keeping the water bill low.
I don't think grounding her from her phone has anything to do with the shower problem though.
No boys except DH. He takes a shower at night as well as both girls! There was no hot water for DD#2! She is who 'told' on DD#1 so now they ate bickering. We did decide to use a timer for 10 minutes so hopefully tomorrow night will be better!
My teen son takes his showers in the morning and they are way longer than 20 minutes! I get so frustrated and angry, especially when he wakes up late and doesn't have that time to spend in there. I'm not sure I consider 20 minutes long ~ especially if getting dance hair and make up washed away.
Not having hot water for his own shower would be frustrating! I'm just not taking the phone away fits the crime. I think the consequence should match. Maybe set the timer and for however long she goes over she goes to bed that much earlier? Time for time?
I'm on the side of the long showers but also on your DH's side for the phone but only because he already said it would happen. He's just following through. I don't see it necessarily as a consequence of taking a long shower but of disobeying parents.
Maybe you can discuss with him what upsets him about it. If money is the issue, I agree with having her earn the cost of the extra ten minutes somehow. Maybe you could have her do the computations to figure out how much an extra ten minutes of hot water per day costs and she can decide if that cost is worth it to her.
If it's just an arbitrary number he thinks is right, show him how many PTers take long showers.
Just saw your reply: Using up the hot water is just rude, so I'd think *that's* the issue, not the length.
Besides shortening the shower, you can also have her go last. DH always showers before me so that I can shower forever. We also turned the water heater up so it takes less hot water in the mix of hot/cold to have the shower feel warm. That lets the water tank last longer.
My boys actually lay in the bath tub with the shower running over them. Then after a long while they stand up and actually take a shower. My motto is pick your battles and that really isn't one of them. Be glad they're taking one!
I think Nancy has the right idea- set the timer (if you picked 10 minutes, that's great), and then charge a set fee for minute overage to cover bills Using hot water here does cost a fair sum of money. It's my 11 yo boy who takes the longest showers in our family, and he manages to be the least clean by the end. WTH??
20 minutes isn't a long shower. DH can be in and out in about 10 minutes. I have never timed myself I suspect my showers are longer.
Think about it -- wash face and neck, wash hair, rinse hair, condition hair, rinses hair, wash body, rinse body. These things take time. Then add in shaving time.
Lots of things to get upset about in this world, not sure a 20 minute shower is worth the battle. Install a low flow shower head. Not worth the fight.
I have to agree with PP's....pick your battles. A 20-minute shower isn't that bad. Yes, it's long (I think I take 10-15) but in the long run be glad she is showering.
BTW...no DD's here, only DS's....who shower in the AM, after skating or lacrosse, after work and it begins all over again in the morning! I don't get the whole showring in the AM after you just showered at 11pm but....at least he is showering.
I'm guessing all these people who don't think long showers are rude have multiple bathrooms and very large hot water tanks!
We have a timer in our bathroom and they are expected to use it when there are others that will need access. They can take a longer, hot shower at a random time, but not in key hours.
At our house, the 30 to 40 minute showers some people are describing would get pretty chilly!
The biggest shower hog in our house in DH.
As for logical consequences, I believe that is really important for younger kids, but sometimes "your sister won't have hot water" simply doesn't matter to a teenager and a little old fashioned punishment is what is needed - using the currency most important to her, which is probably her phone! (My kids didn't have phones at 13, so I probably would have used video games or tv time. Not logical, but effective.)
I would say your DH was wrong to take her phone considering she had the makeup and hairspray! Just a bit harsh. I would also say 15 to 20 mins showers r normal for me as I have. long thick curly hair that I have to condition and untangle in the shower.
Hmmmm, put stage make-up and Hairspray on your DH, and see how long it takes him to get it off?? (kidding)
Seriously, though, I agree that it doesn't normally seem excessive for a teen girl. But if it's making other people not have any hot water, I think the logical thing to do is just change the order of showers - quickest person goes first, and so on. If her water starts to get cold, she will gradually adjust to shorter showers on her own - the true logical consequences here.
Also, check the thermostat on the tank. You may have room to turn it up, which as someone else said, would cause a full tank to last a little longer. And maybe she could wash off most of the makeup before she even gets in the shower? I bet there are make-up remover wipes or something.
10 year old son takes a 15 minute shower envy morning. He is the last one to shower. I would agree that the consequence does not fit the crime. Have her shower last but I don't think that is too long of a shower. But if the concern is not enough hot water then make her shower last.
DS 12 (almost 13) takes two showers a day! 30 min in the morning (he's willing to get up at 5:30am for this!!!) and then another 30 min in the evening after practice/game....the AM one is so his hair looks good for school, the PM one is for the sweaty lax smell.
I do not understand what the problem is....at least she is showering. My DS takes the longest showers in the house, but that is his way of unwinding right before bed. I love to take long showers to relax and unwind from my day. It sounds too me like a man who just has to be controlling! I had a friend whose father was the same way...and then went a step farther and only allowed them 3 squares of toilet paper when they urinated and 6 squares if it was more than that. It did not matter if it was that time of the month for the girls. He would also pull apart the 2 ply paper to make it last. It is a form of control to put them in power.
The punishment should fit the issue...the phone is not tied to the problem your DH has with DD! I would pick a battle that was more important to win!