Over the line. - ProTeacher Community





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Over the line.
Old 06-07-2013, 03:09 PM
 
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I had a recent event that bothered me. I wonder if I over reacted. I teach in a grade 3/4 classroom. My own daughter is in a grade 2 classroom just down the hall. At the end of the day, her class uses planners to write about homework or events of the day, (homework planner book/daytimer/agenda: I know different people call it different things.) The other day we forgot to pack my daughter's planner in her back pack. This is a very uncommon occurance as the vast majority of the time, the planner is signed and returned to school. Her teacher wrote what I felt was a sternly worded reminder in pen on her hand! I am sorry, as her teacher, you do not have the right to write on my child. I don't think she would have the right to write on any child. However, I was particularly offended because I felt it was not so much a reminder for my daughter as much as a passive aggressive reminder for me. If she wanted to remind me, she could have walked the 30 seconds down the hallway to talk to me rather than write on my child.

It may have not been the correct move, but I responded passive aggressively by writing a note in my daughter's planner that said, "Please do not write on my child's hand again! Thank you."

Was she over the line? Was I?


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You are a parent here not a colleague
Old 06-07-2013, 03:16 PM
 
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She was beyond the pale. I know she is a colleague, but I think the P needs to know what happened. I would tell the P that as a parent you don't appreciate writing on your child.
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She was, you weren't
Old 06-07-2013, 03:19 PM
 
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I like your response very much. It generally isn't the best plan to write on anybody's child, and your response was polite & to the point.
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she was over the line
Old 06-07-2013, 03:27 PM
 
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Her actions were not OK. Forgetting a planner is not a big deal in the larger scheme of things (when a child/parent consistently forgets, it can be a big bother, but the occasional accident happens and the world still turns). I really can't imagine why she thought it would be OK to write directly on your child. Do you know if she's done that to any other child? Or do you think there's some hostility towards you?
I think your response was fine. You have to work with her, and your daughter is at the end of the school year, so I don't think there's a whole lot more you can do. You drew her attention to the inappropriate action without a big confrontation with a colleague. But I bet you'll never see her quite the same way again.
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Better than me...
Old 06-07-2013, 03:42 PM
 
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I'd have stormed down there and told her, in no uncertain terms, not to ever write on my child again... not acceptable!


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Old 06-07-2013, 03:55 PM
 
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I honestly would've flipped out if anyone wrote on my child. It would be hard if it were a collegue, but I would have gone right to the principal.
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Old 06-07-2013, 04:20 PM
 
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Seriously?!? You didn't overreact at all, and your response was not passive-aggressive. It was rational, calm, direct, and respectful.

The teacher's behavior was absolutely inappropriate, unprofessional, and disrespectful - enough so that I would be going (as a parent) to the principal about it. If a student forgot something every single day of the school year, I would still never write a reminder on their hand. I'm shocked!
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Minority here
Old 06-07-2013, 05:00 PM
 
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I would never write on a child, but it wouldn't bug me if my son's teacher did. I can see how this would be helpful as many kids drop their bookbag by the door when they get home and pick it up the next morning as they go out. If a note was placed inside, it would never be noticed, but a note on the hand may make a parent take a look. This is probably a common practice of this teacher and didn't have anything to do with you. My kids are at my school, and you just have to think, if I was any other parent, would this be a big deal? I also ask myself if this bothered my son or just me. Usually, it is just me that gets annoyed by teacher stuff. I would wash it off and move on.
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Been in your shoes
Old 06-07-2013, 05:29 PM
 
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I had an issue with my daughter's teacher last year and sat down with our principal to discuss it. It was hard to do, but I'm glad I did.
Writing on a child just seems insane!
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Not Okay...
Old 06-07-2013, 05:45 PM
 
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that is humiliating and takes advantage of her/his power (through age and authority) over your daughter...things we don't want to do as teachers. Sorry this happened to your daughter-I'd be pissed!!
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Old 06-07-2013, 05:48 PM
 
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You did not over react at all. I would have been furious if this happened with my child. You were much nicer than I would have been. I would have also made a visit to the office with child in tow to show P what had been done. I just can't figure out where she thinks that is okay to do. It is a planner for goodness sake.
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Old 06-07-2013, 05:53 PM
 
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Although it isn't anything I would do, I also don't think it is anything to get too excited about. Our lunch room stamps hands when they need lunch money. Pretty effective. Doesn't easily wash off, and the message gets all the way home. I see it as a similar thing.

Just wondering, is it possible that the teacher said something like how am I supposed to send your parents a message and your dd held out her hand? I can see something like that happening.

I also don't know why it is the parent responsibility for sending the planner. Even with first graders, we emphasis that it is a student responsibility.
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What if your child had been allergic to
Old 06-07-2013, 06:08 PM
 
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the ink or had a cut or scratch that got infected because of it? What was that teacher thinking? I think I would have been plenty upset if a teacher did that to my child, especially over her forgetting her planner one time? I wouldn't even think of writing on a kid's hand. You didn't overreact. She used poor judgment.
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Old 06-07-2013, 06:23 PM
 
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I would have been furious! I've told my children not to write on themselves. I can't imagine an adult doing it to them!!! I can't decide whether I would have gone directly to the teacher or the Principal in this situation but someone would have gotten an earful from me. You responded nicer than most parents would.
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Old 06-07-2013, 07:03 PM
 
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I think that was very nervy of her, and you have a right to ask her not to write on your daughter. There have been kids I've been tempted to write reminders on (or staple a note to their forehead!) but I've refrained. Probably the closest I've come is to write a reminder on paper and wrap it around their wrist to make a bracelet of it. The kids think it's funny, and I've never had a parent complain. I've only done it for kids who repeatedly forget things.
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There are better ways to deal
Old 06-07-2013, 07:14 PM
 
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with a child forgetting something than writing on their hands. The school I student taught at had a strict "no ink on the body" policy. We would write notes and make bracelets out of them - like a previous poster mentioned - or write the note out and safety pin it to the child's shirt or backpack. It wasn't strange to see older kids (it was a K-5 school) walking out to car line or bus line with a note pinned to the outside of their back packs. With really young kids we would safety pin the note to the back of their shirt so they couldn't take it off by themselves.
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Perhaps
Old 06-07-2013, 07:18 PM
 
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Perhaps you should have written your message ACORSS HER FOREHEAD! Writing on your child was uncalled for. Your response was very restrained.

Last edited by Renea; 06-07-2013 at 07:57 PM..
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Way over!
Old 06-07-2013, 07:36 PM
 
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I wonder what she does when an item is forgotten several days in a row?
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Old 06-07-2013, 09:43 PM
 
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The teacher used very poor judgement. I would've been mad too. If I was your DD I would've been upset too! As a child I never wrote on my hands. Yuck! I think what you wrote is fine.
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Just a warning...
Old 06-08-2013, 07:43 AM
 
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An above poster mentioned using a safety pin to send home notes, but one of my third graders used a safety pin to pierce his own ear in the boy's bathroom one year. I bet his mom would have rather had ink. Just a warning.
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Never
Old 06-08-2013, 09:08 AM
 
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Quote:
but a note on the hand may make a parent take a look. This is probably a common practice of this teacher and didn't have anything to do with you. My kids are at my school, and you just have to think, if I was any other parent, would this be a big deal? I also ask myself if this bothered my son or just me. Usually, it is just me that gets annoyed by teacher stuff. I would wash it off and move on.
Wow...very surprising. I would NEVER EVER write on a child! I would be mad as heck if a teacher wrote on my 7 year old child. Who WRITES on a child??? And to be honest with you, I'm sure it was humiliating to the child...the teacher was annoyed and I'm sure she wasn't acting nice as she was writing on her hand.
To the PP...I think you were very diplomatic and controlled. I know I wouldn't have been at all
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I remember several
Old 06-08-2013, 09:22 AM
 
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years back, a teacher in North Carolina was fired for writing on a child's face with a permanent marker, (sorry, don't remember the details of what was written) so.... I think she was the one that crossed the line and you were much more polite than I probably would have been.
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Old 06-08-2013, 09:41 AM
 
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I agree with the other PP in that you didn't overreact. The teacher's behavior was unprofessional. I'm wondering how many other students she's done this to.

I also wouldn't use safety pinning notes. We had some major problems with students misusing safety pins during red ribbon week. We got lots of angry calls from parents.

Quote:
An above poster mentioned using a safety pin to send home notes, but one of my third graders used a safety pin to pierce his own ear in the boy's bathroom one year. I bet his mom would have rather had ink. Just a warning.
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Old 06-08-2013, 10:00 AM
 
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I'm mad for you! How absolutely unprofessional. Anyone with an ounce of professional common sense would know it is not okay to write on your student. Good for you for writing back. She'll get the point - hopefully!
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Old 06-08-2013, 10:08 AM
 
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What happened to email or walking down the hall with your child. Hey, Amy forgot her planner today. (wink) She told me that she will be sure to put it in the backpack the night before. End of conversation.

Writing on a child??? No way.

Going to the principal. No, wouldn't do that either. What you did should take care of it. If not, a copy of an article about the teacher getting fired because she wrote on a child placed in that teacher's box anonymously will work wonders. Nothing more said about the incident. You don't want an enemy and you don't want the principal to think you can't resolve an issue with a peer.
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No writing on my child's hand
Old 06-08-2013, 11:58 AM
 
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I'd be very upset. Seriously upset. But I think you took care of it exactly the right way.

Here children miss a full recess (25 minutes) and have to stand on the wall during the entire recess for forgetting their agenda books even once. I think I'd rather have the pen writing on my son's hand then having to stand on the wall all recess.
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Old 06-08-2013, 02:19 PM
 
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I would have done what you did. No, actually, I honestly may have emailed the teacher and cc'ed admin. I would have been tempted, and maybe would do that if it ever happened again. Her behavior was uncalled for, imo. I think her reaction was over the top considering the "offense" (and how infrequently it has happened). I would not appreciate another adult defacing my child.
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flame me
Old 06-08-2013, 05:40 PM
 
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I guess I'm about to get flamed but before our monthly awards/recognition assemblies I write a number on each students hand so they will remember which points club they're in for AR and will remember to stand when their club is recognized. In 12 years I've never had a parent complain about me writing on their child.
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The teacher was wrong
Old 06-08-2013, 06:45 PM
 
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The teacher was wrong. I'm proud of you for handling it in a professional manner. I would have been tempted to march down the hall ask for her hand and proceed to write " thanks for the reminder" in sharpie on the back of her hand.
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I am thinking
Old 06-08-2013, 08:09 PM
 
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A note on the hand for assembly or bus might not be as bad, but who knows? We took the entire school (K-6) to the beach Friday and wrote a group number on each kid's hand so their student leaders could keep them organized. But there, of course, it was for something fun not a parent reminder.
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Old 06-08-2013, 08:13 PM
 
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Quote:
I guess I'm about to get flamed but before our monthly awards/recognition assemblies I write a number on each students hand
Schools around here do Run for the Arts, where kids collect pledges for the number of laps they run. I've seen many teachers tally the laps on the kids' arms. (You're supposed to use an index card, but they get dropped, the hole for a safety pin or rubber band to attach it to the kid gets ripped out, etc.) I don't think it's a big deal, and I haven't heard of any parent thinking so, either.

But the OP did think it was a big deal, and given that, I think he handled things well.
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Old 06-09-2013, 03:33 AM
 
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Maybe this is just me, but I'm not sure I'm understanding what the big deal is. I don't think it should be the writing on the hand that should be the issue, I mean, c'mon, it washes off!...I think I'd want to investigate the tone in which it was done. If this is a teacher who has a sense of humor and said "oh well, I guess we'll have to write on your hand," and your daughter didn't seem bothered by it, no big deal. However, if it was done to berate or embarrass your daughter and she was bothered by the actions, than I'd be furious. Also, is this common practice in her room?

I don't know, at the end of the day, unless it was a malicious action, it doesn't seem like a big deal.
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You handled this just fine!
Old 06-09-2013, 03:34 AM
 
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I much prefer your way of handling this to running to the principal. You got your message across, and gave the teacher food for thought.

Personally, I hate the way so many teachers run to the principal about another teacher because they do not like something the teacher does. Your method allows the teacher to make a change without involving admin. However, if the issues continue, I can see involving admin.
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Old 06-09-2013, 04:46 AM
 
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I wouldn't have written on a child myself, but I don't think it's really a huge deal in the grand scheme of things. I think some posters are over-reacting a bit. That being said, it bothered you, and I think your response was fine. I'm just curious, did it bother your DD?
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Most certainly,
Old 06-09-2013, 05:46 AM
 
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she was over the line! How stupid. Ridiculous!
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Over reacting
Old 06-09-2013, 07:49 PM
 
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I have never nor will write on a child, but I do think most posters are over reacting.
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Old 08-05-2013, 07:21 PM
 
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I am curious about the whole "writing on their hand" issue. Honestly I would NEVER write a note like that on a child's hand, nor do I make a habit of writing on children. However, I do stamps on their hands as rewards and the kids love it. I have never had a complaint.

We also write their bus numbers on their hands on the first day of school, especially the little ones. A lot of teachers in the school do it (which is why I began doing it) because the kids lose their bus slips and most do not speak English.

Is this unethical? Is it against the law or something? I honestly never thought about it until now. I work at a charter school where most of the children are Hmong refugees.
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Yes. No.
Old 08-06-2013, 02:03 PM
 
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Enough said.
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Note back not out of line...
Old 08-06-2013, 02:20 PM
 
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the teacher SHOULD NOT have written on your daughter. (IMO)
Is this the norm for lower grades at your school because a note/sticky or sticker may be lost by the little guys?
IMHO, a note back was the civil way to handle that situation.
(Still don't understand the writing or stamping on children's hands in the least.)
As a parent, your child is always first priority.
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