So, it was brought to my attention that two of the coworkers on my team roll their eyes whenever I talk and have "meaningful glances" with each other after looking at me. Now that someone told me, I see it all the time. Lunch today, I am eating and looking at my phone. They are sitting across from me and out of the corner of my eye. I see them look at me and then at each other; the, "omg" kind of look after going completely silent. I can only assume this was because I was not engaging in a conversation. They waited for our other teamate to leave(who is aware of the situation) before pulling this crap. I feel like a middle-schooler writing this and I am frustrated by how it upsets me. I have ignored it and tried to let it go but every time I see it happening, I want to verbally lay them out. I teach elementary, and for goodness sakes, we just had an anti-bullying assembly for the kids. This high school like atmosphere is so frustrating. Suggestions?
Definitely avoid them when you can. Ignore them when you can't. There is nothing you can do to prevent them from engaging in this kind of immature and rude behavior. You can only control your own reactions to it.
When other people notice how they are acting, it will reflect poorly on them, not you.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that nonsense. They sound obnoxious and rude. Stop eating lunch and socializing with them. Only interact with them when it is related to planning and school related items.
You sound like you work with me! I have two coworkers that are just relentless as far as how they treat another coworker.
People can be cruel. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
I don't have any suggestions. I actually was thinking about creating my own post to ask how others deal with this when they see teachers acting this way.
I know I avoid the two like the plague so I don't have to hear them complain about this poor woman. Actually, they are quite unpleasant in many ways so I avoid them as a routine practice, but now I've really doubled up my efforts to stay away from them.
The other day they kept turning and looking at me when I was talking to their victim. Finally, I asked if I had something on my face that was causing them to turn and look at me. They started in with a bunch of bull about whatever. I just ignored them and moved on with my day.
My lunch situation for the last few years has also been tense. We have a mixed group and several people can't stand each other. I just talk to everyone. However, when some people speak, there is that long silence after. I will respond to anyone. These are adults and they act worse than kids. I've started to try to eat in my room when I can. I do really like several of the people there, so I don't want to do that every day.
Call them out on their childish nonsense! Why does no one ever want to do this?
"I know what you're doing. You can stop with the looks."
I can almost guarantee they won't have a response, since most people like this aren't accustomed to others actually confronting them about it. If they do respond, it would most likely be in the form of a jumbled excuse, which would just be embarrassing for them. Hopefully it would embarrass them enough to stop.
Are you a newbie on the team? When I was the newbie this sort of thing happened all the time. It's rude, but sometimes teachers can be very rude. Some older, more experienced teachers develop quite a chip on their shoulders that they're superior to everyone else. It takes time for newbies to prove themselves "worthy." We had to post a sign in the lounge limiting cell phone use to emergencies as our principal thought we needed to have conversations during lunch. It did help as some teachers would spend the whole time on the phone and not be sociable. It is your time though, so if that's what you like to do, the others should mind their own business.
Some older, more experienced teachers develop quite a chip on their shoulders that they're superior to everyone else. It takes time for newbies to prove themselves "worthy."
We've had the opposite problem in the past. Newer, younger teachers would have the attitude that they were better than the older, more experienced teachers because they felt because they were educated more recently, they were more on top of things. Most of them have left now, and have been replaced with other new teachers who don't seem to have the attitude. We all seem to get together well now.
Oh My...the memories. Colleagues who discussed their medical problems, hijacked other conversations, stinky food, and interruptions from parents wanting their child's backpack out of the room due to an appointment. Since my sweet teammate went home for lunch I usually ate in my room...read my kindle, graded a set of papers, listened to music, ran off some copies etc. I would not confront these two as they are unkind people and somehow feel threatened by you already. Mean girls grow up to be mean women. Smile, be thoughtful to others, and make them crazy by your classy, cooperative response. They are jealous...take the high road. There are several good articles online re: this type of behavior in the workplace. Google "mean girls in the workplace." Stay classy and don't "get down in the mud with pigs" .
I might be dating myself here, but I can't stand when people are on their phones the whole time. Our younger teachers do this and then will shove their cell in your face and force you to watch some "funny" video. Half the time, I don't even find the video funny. I guess I fell into this because I will bring my phone also on some days because if not, I'm just starting at the wall.
Our principal would never post a sign like that because he does the exact same thing! Of course, he's younger also. Imagine what it is going to be like in the future when our students are teaching? Will anyone have any social skills?
It sounds like they are in jr high. I know it is hurtful to work with people like that. My 1st reaction would be to have lunch w/ my friend and skip the lounge if she wasn't w/ me. As I have gotten older though, I have found that at times quiet / avoidance is not always the best way to deal w/ someone who is treating you badly as a habit. I might ( depending on the situation) and w/ my friend as a witness and back up tell them that I notice they just rolled their eyes at me for the 15th time and wondered if there is a problem that we needed to discuss. They will probably stammer and not do it in front of you anymore. We have had someone in our school who was like you describe too and she usuallly had a sidekick too. It took me awhile, but I have learned to "stand my ground" a lot better and quit avoiding. I stay polite, but do not let her dictate things to me. ( She is bossy and catty.) I feel better dealing w/ her now and she no longer does things in front of my face.....or gets her own way with me. As the yrs have gone on, I am guessing more people are " rolling their eyes" at her too, Sometimes it takes time, but eventually the truth is seen for what it is...Best wishes!
So very sorry! We'd never dream that as teachers, we'd have to more than likely take that break away not only from the kids, but from the other adults too & their nonsense.
Not that they're running me away, but I'd refuse to sit at the same table w/ those kinds of people every single darn day at lunch. I'd at the least eat in my room 1/2 of the week.
I like what poster Gifted said above! I'd seriously consider that only if I don't really have to deal with those people on a regular basis. But, if for ex, we teach the same grade level and I always have to be around them and work with them closely, I don't know...unless you're bold and don't care how things will turn out with them. And I'm not trying to be miserable every waking hr at my job, during staff meetings, during in-services, having to work with them in groups and look at their mugs, etc.
I want to thank you for your input and just clear a few things. We have lunch by grade level so there isn't anyone else in the lounge except my grade level. I did eat my lunch in my room last year, but with some turn around this year i do have two friends on the team. One wasn't there yesterday and the other had left for a few minutes. Otherwise I do try to be part of the conversation.
As for my phone, I went on it when my coworker left the room,maybe for a total of 5 minutes to check email and messages. It's so hard to keep up with life when you dont have many breaks during the day. I want to point out the eye rolling has been noticed by others at team planning meetings, too Anytime I share an idea, often that which would include extra work, eye rolls ensue. Others noticed and were offended on my behalf and notified me and the principal. This hasn't changed anything, though.
I think most frustrating for me is that individually they are nice to me. When the other eye roller isn't around, I'm treated like they don't despise me. I play along, but my inner monolouge is saying, what a freakin*****. I hate the two faced nature but am on the fence as to whether i point out to them that Im aware of their behavior. Unlike ladt year, I have ywo amazing coworkers who have my back.
As for the phone at lunch, I am NOT the type to shove my phone in anyone's face, just attending to business. I should also say, I was part of the conversation earlier on the lunch period. (My husband and i are trying yo buy a house so we get real estate updates during the day that require quick attention if we want to see the listing.) It's also difficult for me to fake a conversation with these two when its obvious they do not want to talk to me.
I am not the best in these social situations, and the middle schooler in me wants to avoid the conflict.
Thanks for all your advice. I'm sure there is an update in my future.
I am the newbie! Last year everone on the team was very close...take vacations together close. So, it was hard to break into the team in the first place. They broke up the team and moved some people around this year. Thus, I now have some friends on thd team which is wonderful! I don't feel so left out. Still stings to be bullied but nice to have someone watching my back.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this! I'm glad that you do have friends on the team. They should not be acting like that!
Someone else posted about a principal putting a sign up about staying off your phone at lunch. I really disagree with that. Are you children? Lunch is one of the only times you have to yourself and if you choose to spend it on your phone, I feel like that's none of your admin's business. I'm not even always on my phone, but I almost find that sign degrading.
My school had a clique who did this crap all the time to many people. It got to the point where I said something. It had gone on and on where I' say something something and they'd do that side-eyeing nonsense. Finally one day...
Me: -said something that does not warrant a response of stupid expressions-
Them: When I look down to eat, they give each other stupid expressions
Me: Did I say something wrong?
Them: No, why?
Me: I've noticed when I say things you two often give each other a look. Or roll your eyes. Or do some other non-nonchalant gesture that is meant to sneakily express distaste in what I said. If I've said something that upsets you, please tell me. We all have different opinions. I can handle confrontation, I'm an adult. So let's talk like adults. What's up? Do tell.
Them: -awkward pause- (for them, not me) And I let it stay awkward extra long to make it super awkward for them.
Me: Glad we had this talk. Next time, just tell me what's up. Have a lovely rest of the week!
I was conducting an IEP meeting once when the therapist and the administrator rolled their eyes at each other while I was explaining to the parent. I didn't see it, but one of the 'adults' told me about it afterward.
The irony was that the therapist had repeatedly complained to the administrator about my 'unprofessional' treatment of her!
I have such a hard time with behavior like this, I would probably call them out. Not in the lunch room with others around, but I would definitely say something to them. Addressing the behavior and letting them know you are aware of it may help.
I would also stop eating with them, or is it possible to eat at another table?
I could also go the passive/aggressive route too. When they roll their eyes at me, I would roll them back, or give them "the look" when they give it to each other.
This is a team you work with. I especially love whay ConnieWI said as well as some others.
I am actually quiet, not aggressive, and nonconfrontational. However, there were some bullying situations with me. I practiced and practiced over a weekend what I was going to say. I then comforted calmly in an open room with no one within ear shot and said what I had to say. It has never happened since. These few individuals are actually kind and go out of their way more than some of the other teachers.
I just wanted to say I know how you feel...I was on a team of 3 and the other 2 HATED that I was on their team and they made no secret of it; doing exactly what you are saying. It was one of the worst years.
Whatever you do, I wish you the best and just wanted to say you DO NOT deserve this!
I hope you have a successful outcome, if there's anyway you can not let them get away with it- don't!
It's just so frustrating why there are still many immature people around.
I think it's best to ignore them. Only you can control the situation. They'll eventually get tired of it when they realized that you're not affected at all.
I've posted about my teammates who do similar things to what you're experiencing. I also got many responses of support, which helped me a lot. It also makes me think this happens a lot, since many people relate to it. Sad. The other day, I watched another person in the school begin to talk and one of my rude teammates turned her back and began another conversation, completely talking over the girl. It made me realize that it isn't just me they are rude to- it's anyone they don't deem worthy of their attention. I've also watched them listen intently to teachers who they saw as "important" (such as our IRT person) and then talk behind her back after she left.
Just know that it is not your problem- it's them. Start watching how they respond to others. It's interesting.
Screw up your courage and just ask them what the heck you did to deserve that kind of treatment. It will end it, at least for a while and around you. You deserve to know, and they deserve to know. As long as you put up with it, it will continue until something else takes their notice.
That said, in our lunch room there is a person who makes me cringe anymore. I try very hard not to react, but I can't figure out a couple of things. She is always complaining about not having planning time, yet she is in the lunch room before classroom teachers, and we leave to pick up our classes before she does, too. Most of us take our entire lunch in the lunch room talking and hanging out. So, if she has no planning it is because she spends it eating lunch. Then she knows everything about everyone. I mean no one can make a comment without her knowing the scoop on whatever it is. I mean, gossip much? I had to stop eating in there for a couple of days so I could gather myself together and not be an eye rolling bi%*h. . It drives me crazy, but I have it under control now. Until I get my fill again. I do wish she would ask me what is wrong so I could tell her.
You're right. People who have insecurities always vent it out on their target. . At least, you know that you're worth their attention. That means there's something in you that makes them feel insecure, jealous, and threatened.
If I were you, I'll show them that I'm not someone they should mess up with.