I am so excited. I am engaged to be married!! My fiance and I dated for two years and he recently proposed. We met at our church which is where we plan to be married.
We are both 30 and both have never been married. A lot of these wedding etiquette books I've been reading refer to a "mature bride" as one who is over 30 and its the couple's 2nd marriage. It says the 30 year old bride should not have her parents pay for the wedding and the 30 year old bride should not have her father give her away because she's been out on her own for so long. Now my parents aren't paying for the entire wedding and I wouldn't expect them too but they and my fiance's parents want to contribute. And I love the tradition of having my dad give me away. Even though I'm 30 and been on my own for awhile I still want my dad to "give me away". Its just a tradition that I really like. My fiance and I may be 30 but its a first marriage for both of us. This book suggests if you are over 30 or planning a 2nd marriage, that your wedding should not be too elaborate. I completely disagree. This is the only wedding I'll have and I don't think just cause I waited til 30 makes me a "mature bride" as if I'm old or something or that I should not be able to plan the wedding I want cause I'm not a young 22 year old bride.
I want to plan a big wedding. I want the church wedding, several bridesmaids, a beautiful white wedding gown, a nice reception, ect. Is it socially acceptable to have the big wedding and to follow traditional wedding customs like having your father give you away if you're 30 or over?
You betcha, you may have any type wedding you want. Tradition holds at any age. If both sets of parents are assisting you and your intended financially towards the special day, it's my opinion that they probably want to be a part of the ceremony, too. Go for it...and congratulations! Make sure you enjoy every minute of this fabulous day! Just keep in mind the reason for the big day!
MH
Anything in good taste is fine, in my opinion! Whatever works. My parents helped with the finances, which in itself was weird since I had been on my own for years. But remember, your dad has been thinking about this since the day you were born and I'm sure WANTS to walk you down the aisle! Likewise for the traditional mom stuff. Do what's right for you, you fiance, and your family!
sound extremely old fashioned!! It's your day. Do what you want! Personally, I think your dad would love the honor of walking you even if you were 60 and he was 85!!!!
I was 33 when I was married. Do what you want. Don't worry about the books. Incorporate the traditions you want and use the books to get ideas for YOUR wedding! I had 4 flower girls because I couldn't choose one niece over another. It was soooooooo cute and my brothers and sisters appreciated my making everyone a part. If your parents want to help with expenses, why not? My parents were a bit put off that I didn't follow tradition, but that was my personality. When it was all over with I think everyone really enjoyed themselves and we all remember the day with a smile on our face.
Congratulations and have fun!! By the way -- 30 isn't so old!
That sounds ridiculous. Thirty isn't old! And I don't care if you were fifty, it is your first wedding and of course you want to make it memorable and go all out. I would definitely have my dad walk down the aisle and make it as big as you want. Congratulations and good luck!
Don't read the books and do what you want. I was 30 when I married, and it was my first marriage as well. I had moved out of my parents' house when I was 17 years old . . . although I did move back in later years because my job was near their house.
My parents paid for a lot of my wedding, but I paid for quite a bit myself as well. My dad gave me away because he's my dad and that's what I wanted.
Do what you both want. As for the dad giving you away, I wouldn't want that at any age. The tradition refers back to a time when daughters were seen as their property to be bargained with between the families. Someone in my family had both mom and dad walk her down the aisle because she felt both helped her and wanted them to both feel a part of the wedding that way. I was "older" 29 when I got married so I had my husband walk with my since that's who I was going to marry. Buy I've always felt strongly about women's rights and I was living independently since 18. To each her own, it is YOUR day.
I was 42 when I got married and my husband was 40. It was a first marriage for us. We had a nice church wedding at my husband's childhood church where the priest and my minister from my church both officiated. We had bridesmaids and groomsmen and a flower girl. My sister was my matron of honor and my dad gave me away. We had a fun reception that people still talk about. The way that I look at it is that it's your day and you deserve to celebrate the way that you want. God Bless!!!
I got married a few months ago- first marriage for both of us. I called myself the geriatric bride after reading the etiquette books- I was 36 when my wedding took place. I had an intimate, elegant wedding. My parents and my husband's parents paid for it. My daddy gave me away- even though I hadn't lived at home in almost 20 years. I had live music and a beautiful white dress. I had a veil trimmed in the lace my grandmother had made for that purpose when I was 9. Do things your way- use those books as a guide...I ended up tossing them after getting things planned. I got so sick of being referred to as a "mature" bride- I felt as giddy, silly and in love as a 20 year old. Plan your wedding so that you will enjoy every millisecond of it- it hopefully only happens once! I think that my wedding experience was more fun that most of my friends who got married younger. I was old enough to think- who cares? about a lot of things. I wasn't eager to conform to a format or tradition the way a lot of my friends had. I had a unique wedding that fit my personality- with some traditional elements. Have a blast!
Have what you want. You are not an old bride and this is your first wedding for goodness sake!
As for the dad giving you away - ignore the book. I didn't want my dad giving me away (I was 29) and wanted to walk up the isle with my husband to be - so that's what we did. (I feel like Tounces) I had dad read the scripture lessons. Dad and I both liked this idea and were happy with it - but I got some flak for it. I'm still glad I made that choice, but people obviously don't read the book you read -because there were some people who thought I'd sort of snubbed Dad.
I had both sets of parents walk forward at the front of the processional. It worked great since we each only had one attendant.
My feeling is that you should make your wedding what YOU want it to be. I took some things out and added others in. We walked down the isle together, didn't do a unity candle, had lots of music, didn't throw a bouquet or garter, etc. I'm still glad, 15 years later, that I did it the way I wanted (And Dh agreed to -Dh frankly didn't care!).
It's your wedding, and you can do what you want. Those books are a good source of information if you have a specific question, but they have a lot of "rules" that I never see anyone follow. Do what makes you and your fiance happy and enjoy your day.
This is your wedding, and you need to not worry about the etiquette books. This is such a special day - you need to do it the way you want to. I was 28 when I got married - and I had been living on my own for 8 years. My parents still helped pay for the wedding, my dad gave me away, and I had a fairly elaborate wedding (similar to what you're talking about). Yes, I'd say it's totally socially acceptable to have a big wedding even at age 30. You're still your dad's little girl - no matter how old you are!!!!!!!
Wait till you have a baby at 41 ---- then they refer to you as an "elderly mother!"
Thank your lucky stars that you are 30 --- you have the maturity and the wisdom to know you can plan whatever you want for your own wedding.
I married at 31, had babies at 32, 36 and 41. Don't let the bride books spook you --- you've got lots of good years ahead!
A think that a lot of those books are probably old and outdated. The trend these days for women is to get married a little later than what used to be the common 22 year old. don't get me wrong there are still loads of 22 year olds getting married but Many Many more that are 30+ getting hitched for the first time. As so many have already said, it is YOUR day do what you and your Fiance want. NOt what some author of some book wrote...Did they get married for the first time over the age of thirty? Who are they to tell you what to do?
I was 29, DH was 31, when we got married. Neither of us had been married before and neither had kids. Both my parents "escorted" me down the aisle. We each had 2 attendants each. I wore ivory because I looked too washed out in white. It was a beautiful day and I have wonderful memories. Who cares what the "books" say. Do what you want, have fun and make it your day. And remember, HAVE FUN!
Do what you want, make it your day, your memories! I was 29 when I got married and had my first child at 31. My mom had helped me buy my first house when I was 27 so I did not ask her to help with the wedding. We had a small and inexpensive wedding but that was our choice. I had been in so many weddings before mine that I knew exactly what I wanted and that's what I did. I wouldn't change a thing.
That book's advice seems pretty archaic and limiting. Like everyone says, do it any way you want. It's a blessing that parents want to help finance it. They are probably so glad you found your fiance and he found you. I got married at age 36. Believe me, I had kissed my share of frogs and my family was super-thrilled that I found my husband! Finally I had a man I was happy to introduce to them and who wanted to make me happy for the rest of my life versus miserable every weekend.
My dad paid for my wedding and walked me down the aisle. He was very proud and glad to do it too. My parents were super-emotional when I got married. Everyone loves my husband and he was definitely an answer to prayer!
It was his second marriage, but his family and friends were so thrilled to see him happy again after a bitter divorce and lonliness that followed. I was expecting our first kid at the time--neither of us had kids yet--and his family was overjoyed at the prospect of us beginning a family.
03-16-2006, 11:04 PM
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